So I guess here is a little background story; My parents separated a year and a half ago. Shortly after, my mom moved out with my two brothers so it was just me and my father. We were never close but being stuck together forced us to make a bond. In December 2010, I came home at 3a.m and found my father after he had hung himself in the garage. Needless to say, it was a pretty traumatic experience (I was 20 at the time.) Ever since, my life has been a mess.
I've tried meds; they only masked the pain, but never got rid of it, so I have been off of them since. I finally found the strength to leave home and go away to college to pursue my dream of being a physician assistant, and in the process found a great therapist who calls me everyday just to make sure things are going alright. My relationship with my mother is strained because I partially blame her for just up and leaving my father for someone else, and now I am just her emotional punching bag and she just moved a guy into our home. Which, might I add, the man who moved in is the limo driver that my mother rented for me for my 21st birthday who just left his wife for her. Life works in some fucking weird ways. She used to be the best mother in the world, but now she only feels the the way to show her love is with money, which is absolete when all I want is her to be proud of working my ass off in school and work. It's sad when my therapist is more excited for me to pass tests than my own mother.
I guess I'm more on here to vent my life story, since I really don't have much of a support system anywhere else. So, sorry if this sounds like a hot mess of a thread.
It's so hard to not have the parent I relied on here anymore. I can only ask why did he do this to me, why did he leave me to find him, why didnt he leave a note or a reason why? How come I don't get to have a dad to walk me down the aisle when I get married, and where is he to talk shit about my mom when she pisses me off. I can't deal with it anymore and I'm more scared than anything that I'll end up doing something stupid and hurt myself. More than anything I want to give up and be with him. My mom doesnt care, no one cares, really. Whenever I try to tell people they basically tell me to get over it. I have no idea what to do anymore; it feels like all of the hard work I put in is for nothing anymore.
On top of it, I don't know what I'm going to do about the summer and living arrangements. I cannot live with my mother and this guy because I am still so upset about it, and I highly doubt I'm going to get over it anytime soon. Just when I start feeling like I'm healing the wound, my mom has to rip it open by telling me I'm not good enough, skinny enough, ungrateful, and a bitch. And apparently this is what other people feel like, because no one can just sit there and listen to me.
Okay, I'm done ranting.
I've tried meds; they only masked the pain, but never got rid of it, so I have been off of them since. I finally found the strength to leave home and go away to college to pursue my dream of being a physician assistant, and in the process found a great therapist who calls me everyday just to make sure things are going alright. My relationship with my mother is strained because I partially blame her for just up and leaving my father for someone else, and now I am just her emotional punching bag and she just moved a guy into our home. Which, might I add, the man who moved in is the limo driver that my mother rented for me for my 21st birthday who just left his wife for her. Life works in some fucking weird ways. She used to be the best mother in the world, but now she only feels the the way to show her love is with money, which is absolete when all I want is her to be proud of working my ass off in school and work. It's sad when my therapist is more excited for me to pass tests than my own mother.
I guess I'm more on here to vent my life story, since I really don't have much of a support system anywhere else. So, sorry if this sounds like a hot mess of a thread.
It's so hard to not have the parent I relied on here anymore. I can only ask why did he do this to me, why did he leave me to find him, why didnt he leave a note or a reason why? How come I don't get to have a dad to walk me down the aisle when I get married, and where is he to talk shit about my mom when she pisses me off. I can't deal with it anymore and I'm more scared than anything that I'll end up doing something stupid and hurt myself. More than anything I want to give up and be with him. My mom doesnt care, no one cares, really. Whenever I try to tell people they basically tell me to get over it. I have no idea what to do anymore; it feels like all of the hard work I put in is for nothing anymore.
On top of it, I don't know what I'm going to do about the summer and living arrangements. I cannot live with my mother and this guy because I am still so upset about it, and I highly doubt I'm going to get over it anytime soon. Just when I start feeling like I'm healing the wound, my mom has to rip it open by telling me I'm not good enough, skinny enough, ungrateful, and a bitch. And apparently this is what other people feel like, because no one can just sit there and listen to me.
Okay, I'm done ranting.
