How useful or useless can self help books be?

[ghosTea]

Hello,

I am curious on some other peoples thoughts because I am certain many use self help books to success, some have probably tried and not had success and some have never read any.

I am constantly being recommended self help books from my dad. He thinks that they will help me greatly but at some point if you have never used them and have developed your own kind of "quirks" for a better word can these books still be helpful? I have been going to therapy since I was a kid and I can't really see a book helping or rather a book aimed just at helping. I enjoy reading a lot and I will grab thoughts here and there and apply them to help better myself but I have never been able to focus through a book that aims solely to help oneself as I don't think that any one person can tell me the answer or point me in the right direction to happiness. So I gave up on giving them a chance a few years back.

Do you think I am writing off an industry with this thought process? Would people recommend books withing that genre to anyone suffering from mental health issues or would you try to take more into consideration first about who they are?

I also worry that some of the books take away a sense of individuality I don't see the mind as being that simple so when a book promises to change my life I see that as kind of talking down in the way I am buying into a system that means my mind was easier to fix then I thought and just needed pushing from someone who knows better then me... But that is more my hang up lol... Do those who read self help books read many or just stick to one or two?

I just find the whole culture around it a bit alien and guess I want to know peoples thoughts on it.

 

[Claudia UK]

Hello,

I am curious on some other peoples thoughts because I am certain many use self help books to success, some have probably tried and not had success and some have never read any.

I am constantly being recommended self help books from my dad. He thinks that they will help me greatly but at some point if you have never used them and have developed your own kind of "quirks" for a better word can these books still be helpful? I have been going to therapy since I was a kid and I can't really see a book helping or rather a book aimed just at helping. I enjoy reading a lot and I will grab thoughts here and there and apply them to help better myself but I have never been able to focus through a book that aims solely to help oneself as I don't think that any one person can tell me the answer or point me in the right direction to happiness. So I gave up on giving them a chance a few years back.

Do you think I am writing off an industry with this thought process? Would people recommend books withing that genre to anyone suffering from mental health issues or would you try to take more into consideration first about who they are?

I also worry that some of the books take away a sense of individuality I don't see the mind as being that simple so when a book promises to change my life I see that as kind of talking down in the way I am buying into a system that means my mind was easier to fix then I thought and just needed pushing from someone who knows better then me... But that is more my hang up lol... Do those who read self help books read many or just stick to one or two?

I just find the whole culture around it a bit alien and guess I want to know peoples thoughts on it.

I read a few in the past too but they where not really helpful for me. I think it all depends on the person how far his/hers depression etc. has progressed. They can be helpful and a guide yes but I think talking to a therapist is a lot more helpful. Write everything down and show it to him . It helps a lot to understand what's going on your mind. It is not easy to open up to a stranger but for me its still the way to get help.

 

[Snake on the Moon]

I find that what works for some might not work for others.

For myself, I find them very helpful. Some of the books recommended to me don't really work because the topic isn't something relevant to what I'm going through. Others are great! I have a couple that I read quite often.

I find these to be quite helpful, (and a little explanation as to why):

The New Psycho-Cybernetics
Maxwell Maltz
(This book was written by a former plastic surgeon and the psychology of how people would judge themselves and their appearance. It has a general overview of the human mind, how we build habits, and also has exercises on self-improvement.
I like this book because it reminds me that I'm human. I'm no different from anyone else, and there are ways to deal with what I'm going through.)

Boundaries
Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
(I never had a real model for establishing my boundaries and how to hold them in place when I'm in a relationship. This book has helped me immensely with my relationship with my parents especially. There are some quotes from the bible, but they are few. I just ignore them and pay attention to the psychology examples. It's also helped me understand that I'm not wrong in getting angry with others and also how to recognize toxic relationships. I tend to be quite naive with people and I find that if I ever get into a toxic relationship, this is helpful in letting me establish what I'm okay with and not okay with, and examples of how to set that in place with someone that pushes my boundaries.)

Daring Greatly
Brené Brown
(I struggle a lot with self-worth, and all of Brené Brown's books are great for that. This one is my favorite though, because I am ashamed of my flaws. In here she describes how our society seems to be centralized around the idea that nobody is 'good enough' and are in pursuit of the impossible; being perfect. It helps me understand that it's okay to have meltdowns, and open up to other people. She talks about how we are afraid to be vulnerable, but in reality when we see someone else show their fears and sorrows we can also see that as an act of bravery.)

These books have worked for me because they address specific things that I deal with on a constant basis. They may or may not appeal to you, and that's okay.

 

[ghosTea]

Thanks moon I think there are some out there that might speak to specific topics in my life. It is such a huge industry over all though that it is hard to find something that might appeal. The first book you mention sounds particularly fascinating.

 

[just_some_guy]

 

[Acanthi]

I've always looked down at self-help books until I picked one up and discovered they're actually quite usrful, if you're in the right frame of mind. I don't treat the advice given as gospel, but I find that self-help books give me a deeper and better understanding of myself.

I'm recently reading "The Dalai Lama's Cat" series. It's really good for me. It focuses on meditation and compassion and I enjoy the narration.

 

[ghosTea]

Harsh but I always appreciate Carlin.

I've always looked down at self-help books until I picked one up and discovered they're actually quite usrful, if you're in the right frame of mind. I don't treat the advice given as gospel, but I find that self-help books give me a deeper and better understanding of myself.

I'm recently reading "The Dalai Lama's Cat" series. It's really good for me. It focuses on meditation and compassion and I enjoy the narration.

I do read a fair amount of books on Zen and I have drawn some strength from those. It is never along the lines of how to live a life of zen but I am trying to read stories based around the lifestyle. I am non-religious but out of all the religions I have an appreciation for Zen philosophies the most.

 

[Acanthi]

I am non-religious but out of all the religions I have an appreciation for Zen philosophies the most.

I'm Buddhist but I'm not a devout fanatic. Lol... I like the principle of Buddhism and ideas behind it. The books I mentioned are centred around Tibetan Buddhism, but I read them for self enlightenment and to learn more about meditation. It's not preachy at all! Which is lucky...since I come across a lot of self-help books that try to push religion down your throat.

 

[Unknown_111]

I tried self-help books but I can truly say this forum has saved my life. Speaking to others across the four corners of this planet "EARTH".

 

[Greying]

Hi,

Up until late last year I would have rolled my eyes at the suggestion of self helps books but when I was sick I was given one to read and I can honestly say that was the start of a whole new beginning for me. I've read several since and will continue to read more a single continue on my path.

Not for everyone I agree but absolutely worth trying

- Rosie

 

[ghosTea]

I'm Buddhist but I'm not a devout fanatic. Lol... I like the principle of Buddhism and ideas behind it. The books I mentioned are centred around Tibetan Buddhism, but I read them for self enlightenment and to learn more about meditation. It's not preachy at all! Which is lucky...since I come across a lot of self-help books that try to push religion down your throat.

Have you ever read "Zen Flesh Zen Bones"? It is a book of shot little anecdotes told by Buddhist monks. I actually came across it because there is a movie I like called El Topo that was influenced by some of the stories in that book along with nihilistic ideals, oddly enough.. But it is an art house film so it is allowed to do such things.

But it is an amazing book I like to pick up and read every once in awhile.

 

[Acanthi]

Have you ever read "Zen Flesh Zen Bones"? It is a book of shot little anecdotes told by Buddhist monks. I actually came across it because there is a movie I like called El Topo that was influenced by some of the stories in that book along with nihilistic ideals, oddly enough.. But it is an art house film so it is allowed to do such things.

But it is an amazing book I like to pick up and read every once in awhile.

Oh no, I haven't heard of it. But it's definitely going on my "to-read" list now!

Another book I keep going back to is the Dalai Lama's "Wisdom of Compassion". It's got really good general messages. Again, not preachy at all.

 

[Kiwi2016]

I've found some self help books helpful as others have said when you're in the right frame of mind...and that they can provide a framework to help understand oneself/situation, overcome issue(s) and potentially achieve goals...but also there is nothing like reaching out to folks here on SF, as well as therapists, drs, and/or family/friends... that being said currently reading these three

The Assertiveness Workbook by Randy Paterson --- trying to overcome passivity---recommended by someone here on SF
Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill---no seriously not trying to be rich at all-- but therapist suggested for figuring out what I want my life to be as feel like looking at a blank sheet of paper when think on that one...just starting this
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl- ...pursuing the meaningful from experiences in Nazi concentration camps - therapist recommended and read once but feel need to re-read