Hi I do not know where to put this so it really is seen. So I thought It would be okay to put here. I hope it is. Sorry it is so long.
Sometimes I call in to a teleconference interview series. People can either log on through skype or call in on a conference line. Many of the people calling in are quiet advanced in life and very together. The person being interviewed today is a neurosurgeon who also taught at Harvard before he became a leading expert in alternative health care.
I listened to him talk for more than an hour. Becoming more and more impressed with his brilliant knowledge of treatments. Then half way through the half hour of Q&A part of the call, it occurred to me that I should try to ask him about a physical condition I have that stems from extreme anxiety. I knew that the replay, which is listened to by thousands of people, did not have the Q&A part of the teleconference. So I pushed the button on the phone to let the host / interviewer know I wanted to ask a question.
Sure enough I was chosen to ask the final question. I was not surprised though. I sort of knew it was meant to be. The interviewer called on "the person from..." Then she named my town. ( thought that was okay because she did not say a name). But all of a sudden intense anxiety took over. My voice shook and I sort of was in chaos internally. I asked the question while shaking a lot. He asked me a couple of applicable questions. I answered in a concise way. But my voice shook. A lot. The host of the show interrupted and asked my for my first name. Then she kept saying to me: do you have happiness in your life? Do you have joy? This had nothing to do with my question. And it was a retorical question which served no good purpose. She was picking up from my voice what is true. And there was no constructive reason for her asking. I was so humiliated by my voice. But I knew i was lucky. Because he did tell me something that can maybe finally help after years of suffering from this physical condition. AND I knew that the question would not be heard on the replay which is listened to by thousands of people. ( its a very popular series )
When the replay arrived by email I played it to the end and to my horror, my voice was on there. The replay included the Q&A also. And many people i know listen to it. People who I try to hide my condition from. But my first name, home town and oddly shaky voice are on there. for everyone to hear. I try so hard to hide the depth of my disabilities. I have learned over the years to hide most of it. But there it was. For thousands of people to hear. No, what I had said was not humiliating. But my voice shook a lot.
Mental illness just sometimes cannot be hidden. No matter how hard I try. So, I stay home and hide, and somehow managed to humilate and reveal myself to thousands of people. Some of whom I know locally
And in another state where many people I know listen to this show. Oh the humilation of it. I just wanted to hide. I am so ashamed of this condition which is extreme. If you managed to read this long story, thank you for hanging in there. You are a trooper :rose:
Sometimes I call in to a teleconference interview series. People can either log on through skype or call in on a conference line. Many of the people calling in are quiet advanced in life and very together. The person being interviewed today is a neurosurgeon who also taught at Harvard before he became a leading expert in alternative health care.
I listened to him talk for more than an hour. Becoming more and more impressed with his brilliant knowledge of treatments. Then half way through the half hour of Q&A part of the call, it occurred to me that I should try to ask him about a physical condition I have that stems from extreme anxiety. I knew that the replay, which is listened to by thousands of people, did not have the Q&A part of the teleconference. So I pushed the button on the phone to let the host / interviewer know I wanted to ask a question.
Sure enough I was chosen to ask the final question. I was not surprised though. I sort of knew it was meant to be. The interviewer called on "the person from..." Then she named my town. ( thought that was okay because she did not say a name). But all of a sudden intense anxiety took over. My voice shook and I sort of was in chaos internally. I asked the question while shaking a lot. He asked me a couple of applicable questions. I answered in a concise way. But my voice shook. A lot. The host of the show interrupted and asked my for my first name. Then she kept saying to me: do you have happiness in your life? Do you have joy? This had nothing to do with my question. And it was a retorical question which served no good purpose. She was picking up from my voice what is true. And there was no constructive reason for her asking. I was so humiliated by my voice. But I knew i was lucky. Because he did tell me something that can maybe finally help after years of suffering from this physical condition. AND I knew that the question would not be heard on the replay which is listened to by thousands of people. ( its a very popular series )
When the replay arrived by email I played it to the end and to my horror, my voice was on there. The replay included the Q&A also. And many people i know listen to it. People who I try to hide my condition from. But my first name, home town and oddly shaky voice are on there. for everyone to hear. I try so hard to hide the depth of my disabilities. I have learned over the years to hide most of it. But there it was. For thousands of people to hear. No, what I had said was not humiliating. But my voice shook a lot.
Mental illness just sometimes cannot be hidden. No matter how hard I try. So, I stay home and hide, and somehow managed to humilate and reveal myself to thousands of people. Some of whom I know locally
And in another state where many people I know listen to this show. Oh the humilation of it. I just wanted to hide. I am so ashamed of this condition which is extreme. If you managed to read this long story, thank you for hanging in there. You are a trooper :rose:
