I go along for awhile, feeling as if things are alright. Then out of the blue ( or so it seems) I will begin to fear that my husband is not being honest with me. It eats me up inside, and then I start going through his things until I seem to find something to back up my fears, confront him with it, and so it goes.
The latest two incidents were going through his cell phone bill and finding a large number of back and forth texts to an unknown phone number. When asked, he pointed out that this was from the time he was selling some unwanted stuff on Craig's list and some woman had kept changing her mind about coming by for the things. I remembered this, and felt foolish and pathetic. Then I started counting his Viagra pills. One was missing from the last time he'd used one, so there I was again, imagining the worst, and talking to him about it.
This gets me nowhere that is good, yet it keeps happening. I am not asking for advice, believe me I have had much that is useless in the face of this horrible anguish. It lies in wait like a sleeping snake, then the fangs sink in and I am poisoned with insecurity, fear, jealousy and terrified that I will be abandoned.
I just want to die, to get away from myself and all her pathetic imaginings and fears. I am so sick of myself and want to slash my face to ribbons so I don't ever have to look at it again.
The latest two incidents were going through his cell phone bill and finding a large number of back and forth texts to an unknown phone number. When asked, he pointed out that this was from the time he was selling some unwanted stuff on Craig's list and some woman had kept changing her mind about coming by for the things. I remembered this, and felt foolish and pathetic. Then I started counting his Viagra pills. One was missing from the last time he'd used one, so there I was again, imagining the worst, and talking to him about it.
This gets me nowhere that is good, yet it keeps happening. I am not asking for advice, believe me I have had much that is useless in the face of this horrible anguish. It lies in wait like a sleeping snake, then the fangs sink in and I am poisoned with insecurity, fear, jealousy and terrified that I will be abandoned.
I just want to die, to get away from myself and all her pathetic imaginings and fears. I am so sick of myself and want to slash my face to ribbons so I don't ever have to look at it again.
