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I Constantly Sabotage Myself

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Forgotten_Man

Well-Known Member
#1
Hindsight is 20/20.. yeah I could have avoided this problem if I had sucked it up and did my chores last week. Did I do that nope, and like usual my neglegence is sabatoging me. It had been a while since I last replaced my cats litter and I was also being lazy and not cleaning their litter everyday... yes I am that terrible of an owner... anyway apparently I am just so used to the smell that I cannot smell it anymore. Well I guess that it was really bad. Thus I received a warning from the apartment complex. I got the warning yesterday saying I need to get the smell under control. So naturally I did the initial bit of the chores doing all the cleaning that I could in that area. They said they will be by again tomorrow to "check" if I fixed the situation. Now I am just terrified that I am going to be evicted. I am doing everything that I can to clean the place up and make it not smell but like I said I cannot really tell even after I cleaned up with cleanser. I mean I could smell the cleanser but.. anyway. I have some odor absorbers on the way. Now why do I freak out. Well this is the second time my negligence has prompted a warning like this. Only difference is that last time someone actually came into my apartment. On top of that I moved into my apartment complex just before they started remodeling units and have not left for several years. So I know they want to remodel my unit.

So... I guess I am just paranoid that no matter what I do I will get an eviction notice. There is no way that I can pack up all my stuff, find a new place to live and move out in time. My mom is coming this weekend and I have no idea how I am going to explain to her that I just make my apartment smell because I am lazy and now I am getting evicted. To top it all off I cannot afford a move anyway. I just came off a streak of unemployment and now I am pretty much 100% broke. I also have no family here and no where to put my stuff.... I do not know... I do not want to lose my place when I am not expecting to lose my place... I do not know what to do. I am scared that they are just going to think I am masking the smell while they are inspecting... and I cannot figure out what to do anymore and it is causing me no small amount of stress. i cannot focus at work, and since I cannot smell how the "pet odors" I cannot tell if they are gone or at acceptable levels or whatever. All I can do is sit here and watch the clock as it slowly ticks away and I am freaking out because of my lies and stuff and... yeah...

I know I brought this on myself, I know my negligence is to blame and I really have no one to blame but myself. I just guess I am doing this to myself so I can have even more reason to just end everything and not exist anymore. Even worse is if I tell my mom the truth I get to literally spend the next year having her constantly whine at me. Which just adds more stress because I cannot every satisfy her requirements for what she feels is acceptable living and... yeah... so I am at a lose. I am tempted to just find a way to the roof of the building.... I do not know... I have no idea what I can do. I cannot just break my lease... I cannot afford that... nope... I am at a lose here.... So many hours till... well I do not know... it is not like if I do a good job they will tell me..... I hate it when no news is good news or maybe it is bad news and... I do not know... I do not want to have to go read my lease... and... hmmm yeah this sucks if I get evicted how will I be allowed to rent an apartment every again or anything like that... this sucks... I am really screwing myself over with my negligence.... and my poor kitties have to suffer because of me. Probably the worst thing I have ever done.
 
#2
Hey, negligence is negligence. It happens to the best of us. Just as long as it doesn't happen again, it's water under the bridge, right? Now, with the odor - are there any friends, family, or even neighbors to ask if they can smell out, or even inspect the place? It'll probably be a bit embarrassing, but you may even be able to pull it off without having to explain the whole thing in detail. If you're got a genuine concern (and you do) they might be fine with taking 2 minutes to say yes or no to a smell.
 

Forgotten_Man

Well-Known Member
#3
Hey, negligence is negligence. It happens to the best of us. Just as long as it doesn't happen again, it's water under the bridge, right? Now, with the odor - are there any friends, family, or even neighbors to ask if they can smell out, or even inspect the place? It'll probably be a bit embarrassing, but you may even be able to pull it off without having to explain the whole thing in detail. If you're got a genuine concern (and you do) they might be fine with taking 2 minutes to say yes or no to a smell.
I did not tell either of my friends out of embarrassment. I am too ashamed because they put up with my crappie habits all the time and are kind enough to not mention anything.

While I am still anxious about what might happen I can say pretty confidently that my solution is will work just fine. Because of the steps I took I could actually smell the hallway. This morning I woke up and could not fall back asleep and I went out and did a smell the smells. Even putting my nose against the cracks of my door I could only smell my air freshener thing and nothing more. However until I get home and do not find a note on my door I cannot relax and I have no idea what I will say to my mom if I am being threatened with eviction or worse being told that I cannot have cats. Which would be the same thing I guess
 

Innocent Forever

Still innocent!
SF Supporter
#4
The only thing crossing my mind was, laziness? Nope. If it were laziness you would have done it. I'm not sure if you're looking for advice or to vent....
Good luck! We're with you.
I actually came on this thread because the title is so familiar to my life.
Wishing you a happy day
 
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