I have only made bed decisions in my life going as far back as grade school. I did not do well in school (mostly because I was lazy) and this disappointed my mother. Then I had a friend slap me around in front of people like my mom, other friends, my girl friend. I was the bitch. To scared to fight back. After high school i work fast food, selling Kirby vacuums, cleaned carpets, ect. Then the worst thing i did was used a women for a place to live and sex. She was an Indian women 20 years older than me, going though a law suit. During the worst time of her life I demanded sex, and to stay there rent free while i somked pot in her basement. She sold Kirby's door to door from 9am to 12am 6 days a week to pay the bills. After about two years of this I would disappear for three days, she waiting up all night then going door to door from 9am to 12am with no sleep. After the third night I would show up just wanting sex. Sex was me doing her doggy-style and only to get myself off. She would cry after sex some time. Her torture went on for 3 years. Finally I quit smoking pot and realized what a monster I was to her. I decided to dedicate my life to make her happy. Well, she needed a marriage cause her visa had expired. So with no love in my heart only guilt I married her. After 3 years she wanted a baby, and I realized the reality of the situation. A baby with a woman I never loved? So I left in the middle of the afternoon while she was at work. Just left a note on the table. Now one year later, she is saying you are my only chance to have a baby. You wasted 8 years of my life using me, and now that you are do well in your own life you threw me away like a piece of garbage. So as of today I need to just go back and give her a baby and continue to be the fake loving husband i was for the last 3 years. Suicide is not the answer, maybe after she has the baby, then I can get what i deserve. Death.