I dont know anymore what state Im in

[Mayarian]

Anxious, angry, sad, dissapointed
But all of those emotions just crashed together and I feel numb

Lets just say I had a kind of accident that affect my workplace, and its gonna decide soon whether our leader will fire me or not. Im such an idiot for keep silent and just following my other team for sneaking behind. "It'll be fine, no one will notice our absence" and were gonna be noticed sooner or later esp me since Im the only one that cant lie as good as them and they didnt told me anything to save myself.
If they decide to fire me I dont know what else I'll do anymore, even my parent right now just see me as their child after I got on this position. It scares me so much that thinking abt the worst possibility, Im gonna for real kill myself after imagine their furious face on my dream.

Maybe I just should dissappear since every single mistake that I made just backfire and hit me a lot lot more. Sorry that I cant be a good person, be a strong person. Soon I'll be known as a stupid greddy hoe.

 

[Sunspots]

Hi @Mayarian

It seems like you're being pretty hard on yourself. I don't know what the mistake you made at work was but we all make mistakes sometimes. Be honest about it and apologize. Tell them you've learnt from it. Hopefully they'll admire your honesty. And don't be like the others, nobody likes a liar.

Disappearing or even worse, killing yourself over a mistake? No way - you're worth far more than any mistake. Parents can sometimes still treat us like children - my mother still does and I'm 49! But that doesn't mean they don't care. I'm sure they would be devastated if something bad were to happen to you.

Keep talking to us here ok?

 

[Mayarian]

Hi @Mayarian

It seems like you're being pretty hard on yourself. I don't know what the mistake you made at work was but we all make mistakes sometimes. Be honest about it and apologize. Tell them you've learnt from it. Hopefully they'll admire your honesty. And don't be like the others, nobody likes a liar.

Disappearing or even worse, killing yourself over a mistake? No way - you're worth far more than any mistake. Parents can sometimes still treat us like children - my mother still does and I'm 49! But that doesn't mean they don't care. I'm sure they would be devastated if something bad were to happen to you.

Keep talking to us here ok?

Im still here but uncertain.
Told my parent but he didnt said much. My career basically over if we got busted hw knew that. I want to asked him what I should do if I really got fired since I couldnt just confess bcs it'll affect more than 1/2 of my co workers.

Despite thinking why I should be like this for some job that I didnt even love(may parent really depend on it tho) I put all of my youth for years on this career. The punisment is absolut being fired and gonna put on the blacklist so I couldnt work on this field anymore, if youre wondering what kind of mistake I had. It tortures me how I lied countless times but my life will over too. When Im alone imagining what if I got busted I can only think to just jump off.
Thank you for replying me tho, really.

 

[Sunspots]

why I should be like this for some job that I didnt even love

I put all of my youth for years on this career.

so I couldnt work on this field anymore,

Maybe this would be your opportunity to do something you would love. Just because you've put the effort into training doesn't mean you have to do it forever. People can change their minds.

Could it be worth looking for a new job now? Before your current employer has the chance to dismiss you?

 

[Mayarian]

Maybe this would be your opportunity to do something you would love. Just because you've put the effort into training doesn't mean you have to do it forever. People can change their minds.

Could it be worth looking for a new job now? Before your current employer has the chance to dismiss you?

If that times actually will come, I hope I can bear all the shame and regret from every direction.