I dont understand lover and marriage stuff

[Mayarian]

I hope I dont get a warning, like I wanted to write this bcs it keep echoing inside my brain but I dont have place to said this.
People keep telling me to get a lover and get married before 25. Stuff like Im gonna be a left out old lady bcs I dont bother with man. Honestly every time a man approaching me with that 'purpose' it disgust me I dont know why. Pretty much sure I dont swing to the other way, I just dont get the meaning of that kind of love. Love for parent, siblings, little ones, friends I understand. But lover? I never understand someone that willing to open their life to a person that you dont know at all even share everything(body,money,personality,etc) with you.

My parent said Im gonna change when Im older, but Im already like 24 and it didnt change since I said that at my high school years. I read romantic stuff too and liked it plus hooked up with several series too. It was a fluffly and super nice story even made me want to get one story of love like that. But if that gonna become reality, again it disgust me. I already read, saw it infront of my eyes several couples life's The chaotic one, toxic, pure love, lovely, nice and warm ones. I still cant understand what the exact benefit of this. To be make it worse that they said "If you have a children they can take care of you in a old day" "You need someone to relying with" "Youre gonna be expired" like wtf is that bullshit

All of my friends, none of them like me. They reaallly want to get a lover get married and have children. They even praying so hard that they can get married bfr 27. I dont want to have a child too. Probably this is one of the reason why I felt empty sometimes and easily get a strange voice in my head bcs I dont feel normal. Why I never get that feeling? I dont know! It just didnt tome to me. Why I just become like them, normal?

Give a birth? What am I dont even love myself and I have to take a responsibility to bring a life and take care of it? But I dont really hate children/baby in fact I really love my nephews and niece bcs I help to take care of them(children had a mysterious power to make you love them really)

All of this time I only get a fact after thinking so much that I just hate it if my body get touched(sexual related) and people meddling into my bussiness + private life(except my parent)
I dont have "HAH IM GONNA NEVER MARRIED Y KNOW GONNA HAVE A CAT CASTLE AND FONDLE THEM UNTIL IN THE END OF WORLD" feeling either. Im like Im not sure if this feeling gonna stay like this forever. Maybeeee someone gonna show up. Someone that gonna make me feel its okay to share my life with them.

But I dont know again. Now it just not my interest and disgust me somehow.

 

[Walker]

I guess I see this as a pretty amazing way to be. So you're not like everyone else? That might look different for you in your country but you don't have to do anything you don't want to right? I think if you're happy this way then you're happy. No pressure, no stress and just content to have the people you have - nothing wrong with that.

 

[Mayarian]

I guess I see this as a pretty amazing way to be. So you're not like everyone else? That might look different for you in your country but you don't have to do anything you don't want to right? I think if you're happy this way then you're happy. No pressure, no stress and just content to have the people you have - nothing wrong with that.

I can find someone like me at my country on social media but only a few. In my enviroment its only me that didnt have a same way of thinking about that. Im just waiting and waiting if somehow that can change as Im older but nothing happens.

It will be nice if only my enviroment doesnt see me as a weirdo. Since I reached 24 this year the pressure is more and more intense. Im still at training so they cant really do that but probably next year if I graduate.....cz every woman should be married after graduate they say

 

[Walker]

Where are you from? (You don't really need to answer if you don't want to say)

 

[Mayarian]

Where are you from? (You don't really need to answer if you don't want to say)

I live between Malaysia-Indonesia, just count it like that bcs I think both country had a same marriage culture like get married and had kids bfr 30

 

[MagickLynx]

I can find someone like me at my country on social media but only a few. In my enviroment its only me that didnt have a same way of thinking about that. Im just waiting and waiting if somehow that can change as Im older but nothing happens.

It will be nice if only my enviroment doesnt see me as a weirdo. Since I reached 24 this year the pressure is more and more intense. Im still at training so they cant really do that but probably next year if I graduate.....cz every woman should be married after graduate they say

It's not weird to not want to be like all the other sheep that just follow and copy each other, I never wanted marriage and kids either and I'm mid thirties now, still haven't changed my mind and survived pretty well Just do what feels right for you.

 

[Mayarian]

It's not weird to not want to be like all the other sheep that just follow and copy each other, I never wanted marriage and kids either and I'm mid thirties now, still haven't changed my mind and survived pretty well Just do what feels right for you.

Yeah its not like I denied and hate romance but it just feels not there yet. Why we need to force ourselves to something that we cant understand?

 

[MagickLynx]

Yeah its not like I denied and hate romance but it just feels not there yet. Why we need to force ourselves to something that we cant understand?

It sounds like you feel pressured because others around you have this same 'dream' that you don't have, but try to just do what is right for your own self and not bother about them. That's what I learned as I got older, I just had to do things my own way and to hell with people who disagreed.