I feel useless

[A red teddy bear]

I just feel like I can’t do anything right with my life, yesterday my mom sent me a bunch of messages telling me stuff that my sister has to do and then now she starts screaming at me for not being able to say everything even though what she told me that she has to do she had never said anything about it, I’ve red her messages over and over and none of them said anything about anything that she wants me to do it’s unfair, then she proceeds screaming at us telling us that we’re only good at asking for money and telling me to leave the house and that her dog is even better than me and I know I shouldn’t feel so down, I probably just missed it and it’s all probably still my fault but she’s just so hurtful

Whenever someone shouts at me I starts crying and have panic attacks due to my grandpa I can’t help but think that grandpa probably turned her like this, anyways so I hand the phone to my sister I didn’t know what they talked about because I was choking in tears in the bathroom I didn’t want to hear her voice or anything and I just started having this thoughts that I know i shouldn’t be having because I have amazing friends who i care all about, I don’t know what happened but I suddenly thought of asking my close friend where to <mod edit - method>

I know I shouldn’t do it funerals are expensive and they shouldn’t spend so much over me but I can’t help but thinking that if I’m so useless and never good at anything then they probably wouldn’t miss me, funerals are expensive yes but atleast it’s a one time thing, it’s one less person to feed and to spend money on, my father was on call too he didn’t even defend me I love him so much and he always tell me how much he loves me but he didn’t even as much as tell mom to calm down I’m starting to think that he thinks of me like that too and I just want to disappear I don’t want to dissapoint them anymore

 

[AmboySlim]

Hey @A red teddy bear it sounds like you've got a head full of bees and you can't get the buzzing to stop. What's this business with your grandpa may I ask?

I went through a similar problem with my parents when I was 14. None of us knew how to communicate or take the first step in trying to understand each other. Sometimes it's hard for us to show our vulnerability to people. Have you tried talking to your mother about how she treats you? Maybe it turns out that she has been going through a really bad time as well.

 

[A red teddy bear]

Hey @A red teddy bear it sounds like you've got a head full of bees and you can't get the buzzing to stop. What's this business with your grandpa may I ask?

I went through a similar problem with my parents when I was 14. None of us knew how to communicate or take the first step in trying to understand each other. Sometimes it's hard for us to show our vulnerability to people. Have you tried talking to your mother about how she treats you? Maybe it turns out that she has been going through a really bad time as well.

My grandpa is very emotionally abusive and uses stuff he did from the past, he yells a lot too like a whole lot so I think mom just got it from him, I wanna try talking to my mom about it but we don’t really talk that much she works overseas, and she’s really dismissive about depression and stuff like that, she keeps on saying that she went through a lot worse and that I should just understand or stay strong or something, I don’t think talking with her would help that much

 

[AmboySlim]

@A red teddy bear that means you haven't talked to her. It's always worth trying first before considering it a dead end. Please. Comminication is key.

That situation with your grandfather is very unfortunate. You have my sympathies.