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I HATE myself

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gazjustgaz

Lord Duckington II
#1
Ok, maybe not "hate" I just..I don't know. Long ago I went to a room to protect me from other things, can't remember why, but I guess I never went out.
All I ever do is eat, shit, and sleep.
Yet some-fucking-how I always act surprised when things get worse. I saw it coming, how can I not?
Never do anything, never finish anything, never really want anything, no dreams, no goals, no friends-no real friends...fuck it. I don't deserve to live. I'm not okay, that much is obvious. I don't deserve help and support either cuz, I'll just fuck that too (not gonna be the first time it happen)
Shoulda go all the way when I decided to shut myself in. It'll be better for everyone. Don't know that many people anyway.
I don't know what these make me.
I don't wanna feel sorry for myself though, I know I deserve everything bad that has ever happened to me, and everything good too. I know that because I know what I am, and to be completely honest; that should revoke my right to live. I know that's sounds a bit too harsh, but I think I the man who has wasted every advantage he was born with, every chances given, every opportunity shown, deserves exactly that.
I'm nothing but a waste...that was some self-pitying bullshit. no. no. I don't wanna feel sorry for myself, I don't blame anyone or anything, I simply know I got what I deserved, and I don't even deserve to breathe. So, I think, I should just end it, it'll be better for everyone, I'll just go away...
 

SinisterKid

We either find a way, or make one.
SF Supporter
#2
Hey fella, please don't give up. There are people you can talk to when in crisis like this. The words in red below this post are links to phone numbers, please use them, just talk to someone ok. Do that for me please.
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#3
Depression is an illness it causes one to not do anything to hide themselves from rest of the world to turn away from all possibilities given to them. Depression is an illness and that is what you have been living with and you DO deserve support and compassion your brain is telling you some awful things that simply are not true. I do hope you can try to reach out and talk to your doctor or someone you trust so you can get that support you need .
 

Ladybug19

Well-Known Member
#4
Ok, maybe not "hate" I just..I don't know. Long ago I went to a room to protect me from other things, can't remember why, but I guess I never went out.
All I ever do is eat, shit, and sleep.
Yet some-fucking-how I always act surprised when things get worse. I saw it coming, how can I not?
Never do anything, never finish anything, never really want anything, no dreams, no goals, no friends-no real friends...fuck it. I don't deserve to live. I'm not okay, that much is obvious. I don't deserve help and support either cuz, I'll just fuck that too (not gonna be the first time it happen)
Shoulda go all the way when I decided to shut myself in. It'll be better for everyone. Don't know that many people anyway.
I don't know what these make me.
I don't wanna feel sorry for myself though, I know I deserve everything bad that has ever happened to me, and everything good too. I know that because I know what I am, and to be completely honest; that should revoke my right to live. I know that's sounds a bit too harsh, but I think I the man who has wasted every advantage he was born with, every chances given, every opportunity shown, deserves exactly that.
I'm nothing but a waste...that was some self-pitying bullshit. no. no. I don't wanna feel sorry for myself, I don't blame anyone or anything, I simply know I got what I deserved, and I don't even deserve to breathe. So, I think, I should just end it, it'll be better for everyone, I'll just go away...
No, I disagree with you. You don't deserve to feel this way no matter what's happening. You deserve better. There is help, but you have to reach out for that help like you are doing here. You have many mixed and strong feelings going on. Have you thought about making a safety plan?
 
#5
I know the feeling bro I feel the same way. I know I may not know u, but maybe things can look up 4 u n the future just try n keep faith.. As 4 me its no hope.
 
#6
I think a lot of us know the feeling. I agree with Sinister - call the hotline and talk to them. Or talk to one of us if you want to, but talk. Or rant it all out here 100 times if that makes you feel better. Thinking that way is poison, and the only way to feel better is to get it out of your system.

It takes a lot of energy to really hate. If you think that you've wasted every advantage, all of your chances, every opportunity and you deserve to die, don't waste the time you have now, take the chance that people here know what you're going through and the opportunity to forgive yourself. If you want to do something about it, put all of that waste into making your life, and the lives of those around you, better. It's a lot of work, and harder than it sounds.
 
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