spidy, I don't want to be intrusive, so if you are just looking to vent I won't hassle you. If you are wiling to chat a bit in this forum, I would enjoy the conversation. What are the momentary glimmers in your life? What's it like, in the best of times, to be a father?
I'd rather be dead too, and it's a real struggle to remember the best moments in my life. If nothing else it is probably worth giving them a few thought cycles every once in a while.