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I Need Help

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#1
Hello,

Some people here know my story that caused me to start coming to this forum. I'll explain a little about the problem I'm having right now for anyone who doesn't.

A few years ago I was in a graduate program that was sort of a prep program for med school, but graduating didn't guarantee you an acceptance. In this program I was bullied. It was awful. It was competitive and everyone in my class hated me for doing well. They did everything they could to tear me down and ruin me, ruin my grades. I had no friends, I suffered alone. I came into this program already traumatized. I was raised in a violent, abusive home and I was bullied in high school and college too. So I lost all hope when, in this program, the staff members participated in the bullying and even helped the bullies to ruin me. That's when I made a suicide attempt. The things that happened in my life and continued to happen was too much to take alone.

They didn't ruin my grades, but they destroyed every other part of me. I couldn't get into other med schools and I was too scared to go back to the one where I was bullied.

I spent the last couple of years working jobs that I hate and couldn't let go of wanting to be a doctor. I ended up applying this year to this school. They have multiple campuses and I applied to all of them. I had an interview at one, but was put on the waitlist. I don't know if or when I might be accepted off the waitlist. I might even get a rejection and it's killing me.

My problem right now is that I have an interview with the campus where I was bullied. If it was just an interview it would be ok. But before the interview there's an hour long Q and A session with student ambassadors. This means that one or more of the girls that bullied me might be there. It's likely and I'm expecting the worst.

I'm devastated and so depressed that I'm paralyzed with fear. They will sit there gloating and feeling so good about themselves that they made it into the program and I'm still struggling. I don't know how to handle this. I need to do this interview because I need to get into a program that I've worked so hard for. But it kills me that they won. It makes them feel good. They have everything and they took everything from me.
 

Were all together

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
Go to the interview with your head held high. Being a physician is what you want to do. And, NO one should stop you in succeeding. Bullies only attack out of fear. Show them you are not afraid. You can do this.
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#3
Truly sorry to hear you've had to go through such an ordeal - both before & after this premed program, of sorts . . )
I almost can't believe what I'm reading? Are the staff / teachers the same ones who'll be in charge at the actual medical school!
What the heck...
I agree with Were all together, if this is what you've got your Heart set on, and it is what you feel you were born to do, then by all means, do whatever you can, or whatever you have to do to make it happen. If one of these little "fill-in-blanks," happens to be there during your Q&A session: then use that as ammo to shove it down her throat (with your vast accumulation of knowledge; clearly, superior to her's!)! :^)
I know it's easier said than done. And it is unfortunate that the medical profession is set up & designed this way - that is to say, "competitively."
I understand why that is, but I still see absolutely no justification for the actions taken part in, and place of, on your behalf (especially with those that were in charge). Unforgiveable!
I know it's not the same thing, but many years ago, i was considering goiing to a health sciences university for chiropractic. With many of the same ambitions in terms of, "helping people," or "patients." (it was either that or dental & ive got mighty shakey hands. . :D) what i found there was, aside from a lot of med school rejects - because you likely could still be admitted with a B+/A- GPA; was some rather fascinating people and personalities. And it was not at all the competitive nature with which you're describing. I of course gave up almost before I'd started, but that's another, not so short story! ;)
Wishing you all the best & hoping you're receiving some professional help to deal with all of this, as it sounds like anything coming from other outlets/sources (e.g. "family," "friends," etc.) is perhaps/possibly absent. But make no mistake: You can do whatever you want to do! : )
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#4
Truly sorry to hear you've had to go through such an ordeal - both before & after this premed program, of sorts . . )
I almost can't believe what I'm reading? Are the staff / teachers the same ones who'll be in charge at the actual medical school!
What the heck...
I agree with Were all together, if this is what you've got your Heart set on, and it is what you feel you were born to do, then by all means, do whatever you can, or whatever you have to do to make it happen. If one of these little "fill-in-blanks," happens to be there during your Q&A session: then use that as ammo to shove it down her throat (with your vast accumulation of knowledge; clearly, superior to her's!)! :^)
I know it's easier said than done. And it is unfortunate that the medical profession is set up & designed this way - that is to say, "competitively."
I understand why that is, but I still see absolutely no justification for the actions taken part in, and place of, on your behalf (especially with those that were in charge). Unforgiveable!
I know it's not the same thing, but many years ago, i was considering goiing to a health sciences university for chiropractic. With many of the same ambitions in terms of, "helping people," or "patients." (it was either that or dental & ive got mighty shakey hands. . :D) what i found there was, aside from a lot of med school rejects - because you likely could still be admitted with a B+/A- GPA; was some rather fascinating people and personalities. And it was not at all the competitive nature with which you're describing. I of course gave up almost before I'd started, but that's another, not so short story! ;)
Wishing you all the best & hoping you're receiving some professional help to deal with all of this, as it sounds like anything coming from other outlets/sources (e.g. "family," "friends," etc.) is perhaps/possibly absent. But make no mistake: You can do whatever you want to do! : )
Yes, the staff members who participated in the bullying are in charge of many parts of the school. They work in student affairs and are supposed to be there to stop bullying. Instead they commit ethics violations to suit the needs of students that they favor.
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#5
Yes, the staff members who participated in the bullying are in charge of many parts of the school. They work in student affairs and are supposed to be there to stop bullying. Instead they commit ethics violations to suit the needs of students that they favor.
Yes, the staff members who participated in the bullying are in charge of many parts of the school. They work in student affairs and are supposed to be there to stop bullying. Instead they commit ethics violations to suit the needs of students that they favor.
I'm really, really, really sorry to hear of that. . . I don't know if I have any expert advice or wisdom to give, as I have never been in such a position. But, was the suicide attempt the primary reason, or stumbling block to admittance into various medical schools with which you applied? Or was it the other areas affected by this circumstance (the abuse & such - bullying, etc.) that did it? ...I would say that it might be wise, or best to not let yourself get too far in front of, or ahead of yourself with regards the school in which you are on the waiting list for. You just don't know how that's going to play out, or what's going to happen there. And thinking the worst, or worrying about it will not change whatever the outcome (or decision / verdict) will be. Who knows? It could turn out roses! :)
Are you sure you would want or wish to attend a university, or school that did this to you, and still has so many of the same players involved (staff, especially)? I understand that you've explored other alternatives in terms of other schools. Sometimes, perseverance & patience are key:
For example, two girls I graduated high school with, both excellent excellent top of the class students. Both applied to graduate schools at the main / primary university of our home state. One got in, that was for pharmacy. The other did not (always struggled with standardized tests, and hence, the entrance exam, I think . . .). And I remember wondering what she was going to do? The Doctor, dream now suddenly dissipated? Well, she went on to study medicine halfway around the world, albeit at a much less prestigious university. One in fact that our pharm friend belittled and made fun of stating how discredited it should be. In spite of this, She returned & did all of her residency & things like that in NYC. And eventually went on to fulfill her dream of becoming a Pediatrician. And as far as I know, that's what she's done or been ever since! Morale of the story; is sometimes, you've got to find an alternative path, when an obstruction comes up in your predetermined plan (so to speak). :^) it can be done - all is not lost - you can do it. . .
I do hope though that you're getting help for the issues with which you spoke of leading to the attempt. That should be of utmost importance. :)
p.s.) let me know if any of that didn't make sense- ;)
 

Andy13

SF Supporter
#6
I had a similar experience in graduate school. There were a lot of bullies, mostly women. Now I have a useless degree and no job.
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#7
I'm really, really, really sorry to hear of that. . . I don't know if I have any expert advice or wisdom to give, as I have never been in such a position. But, was the suicide attempt the primary reason, or stumbling block to admittance into various medical schools with which you applied? Or was it the other areas affected by this circumstance (the abuse & such - bullying, etc.) that did it? ...I would say that it might be wise, or best to not let yourself get too far in front of, or ahead of yourself with regards the school in which you are on the waiting list for. You just don't know how that's going to play out, or what's going to happen there. And thinking the worst, or worrying about it will not change whatever the outcome (or decision / verdict) will be. Who knows? It could turn out roses! :)
Are you sure you would want or wish to attend a university, or school that did this to you, and still has so many of the same players involved (staff, especially)? I understand that you've explored other alternatives in terms of other schools. Sometimes, perseverance & patience are key:
For example, two girls I graduated high school with, both excellent excellent top of the class students. Both applied to graduate schools at the main / primary university of our home state. One got in, that was for pharmacy. The other did not (always struggled with standardized tests, and hence, the entrance exam, I think . . .). And I remember wondering what she was going to do? The Doctor, dream now suddenly dissipated? Well, she went on to study medicine halfway around the world, albeit at a much less prestigious university. One in fact that our pharm friend belittled and made fun of stating how discredited it should be. In spite of this, She returned & did all of her residency & things like that in NYC. And eventually went on to fulfill her dream of becoming a Pediatrician. And as far as I know, that's what she's done or been ever since! Morale of the story; is sometimes, you've got to find an alternative path, when an obstruction comes up in your predetermined plan (so to speak). :^) it can be done - all is not lost - you can do it. . .
I do hope though that you're getting help for the issues with which you spoke of leading to the attempt. That should be of utmost importance. :)
p.s.) let me know if any of that didn't make sense- ;)

When I applied it didn't work out because I had just graduated from the graduate program and was traumatized. As a result, my application and essays weren't good. I'm still traumatized and have PTSD. That's not going to go away, but I can't put it on hold anymore. There's no telling if or when I'll recover in a way that I feel is worth living. But I do know the biggest part of me getting there is getting what I worked for. My friend who promised to support me, who also was in the program and knew what happened - she abandoned me. She stopped responding to my texts, calls, and went in to get into med school while I was left to suffer and struggle

I can't rely on family. I never could because of their abuse. But I have my boyfriend, reconnected with my best friend (a true friend who never sees me as a burden). I can make it through the program, I just need to get in. But confronting the bullies is terrifying.

I know this is what I want and what I have to do. It's just the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've applied to other schools abroad in Europe. But I would rather stay here because I don't want to be without my boyfriend and my best friend.
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#9
When I applied it didn't work out because I had just graduated from the graduate program and was traumatized. As a result, my application and essays weren't good. I'm still traumatized and have PTSD. That's not going to go away, but I can't put it on hold anymore. There's no telling if or when I'll recover in a way that I feel is worth living. But I do know the biggest part of me getting there is getting what I worked for. My friend who promised to support me, who also was in the program and knew what happened - she abandoned me. She stopped responding to my texts, calls, and went in to get into med school while I was left to suffer and struggle

I can't rely on family. I never could because of their abuse. But I have my boyfriend, reconnected with my best friend (a true friend who never sees me as a burden). I can make it through the program, I just need to get in. But confronting the bullies is terrifying.

I know this is what I want and what I have to do. It's just the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've applied to other schools abroad in Europe. But I would rather stay here because I don't want to be without my boyfriend and my best friend.
It is a terrible thing to lose a close friend and confidant like that (a "colleague," in a way...) - but! You don't want or need someone who's going to abandon you when times are tough, and you need them most anyway. I'm a firm believer that you really only have one or two "true," or best friends as you put it, in life no matter how many gazillions of facebook friends, and whatnot you may have. You know, the one's you can count on, almost unconditionally. . . And I'm so glad to hear of your boyfriend --(Yes!) Use these two as sources of strength for going through this tough time.
I'm glad to hear of your confidence level of navigating the rough waters ahead once you actually matriculate into medical school. That is no easy feat -& probably in large part, why some of those other students did what they did (they felt you were a threat). I mean, how selfish is that? That my success depends upon your failure...
I agree, it would be best if you could stay in close proximity to your two close connections for school. But if worse comes to worse (or is it "worst?"). . . Then just keep in mind that it is one option that is still worth considering as an exploration, to get what you want to. Ultimately - though it would be an incredible sacrifice, I believe what you said as a strong element for your road to recovery has great validity to it. That once you are in a particular program, and progressing towards your Dream - you will start to begin to feel a newfound sense of pride, and purpose for working toward and achieving your goal. Which is so very difficult to ascertain!
I still think, and this is just my opinion (so may feel free to disagree), that it would be in your best interest: both in the short, as well as long term. To seek care for your past abuse & struggles with the bullies. Because even in the best circumstances, where you're somehow able to stuff it down inside and consciously forget about it. It will still linger, and rear it's ugly head when you maybe least expect it. Now, it may lay dormant for a great many years, and not seemingly affect you. And then one day - out the blue - there it is like it just happened yesterday. Or it could also come out along the way, "sideways," so to speak; and have an effect on some of the things you say, think, feel or do (from a behavioral standpoint). And what could be most perplexing about this scenario, is that you may not in the moment even be able to tell - or trace it back to its source (what's causing the dilemma).
Again, I could be completely wrong because everybody handles and processes things differently. Some people can go about their day and to others, appear perfectly normal, happy & healthy. . . that is to say - "functional." And inside they are either consciously or not, "crumbling." So, I was just thinking that getting some professional help along the way of your path could prove to be entirely beneficial for you and your overall health. Many times, schools will have these services available for free, or covered as part of their "fees," with enrollment. However, I must admit I don't know what sort of detriment it would be, or cause, going to a med school and seeking out these sorts of things (whether or not that would be frowned upon). You'd like to think not, and it is supposed to be confidential. Perhaps a small chance of something complicated there. I do believe that if I were you, and viewed this to be some kind of an obstacle, I would not let that deter me. I would either take that "knock," against my credibility or character, or whatever else you'd want to call it from a controversial standpoint. (that being, one of seeking psychiatric &/or psychological services)
Believe me: there's plenty of people within the medical profession who are psychiatrically medicated and seeking counseling/therapy. Just because they don't announce it, or tell you about it, doesn't mean it isn't happening. And also, even perhaps more so, there are plenty who could, or should be receiving these services. Smartest person I ever knew, got her masters & two doctorates (she reminds me most of the character Russell Crowe played in A Beautiful Mind), sought those services while in graduate school. I believe she told me she went through about ten therapists before finally settling on one that was deemed appropriate enough for her. And I remember her telling me one time, that "therapy was a place where you could go and express yourself, or your feelings and not have yourself be judged..." I believe she went weekly, as I recall her going over to university campus during the Holidays when everything was shut down (but not the medical facility). :)
Sorry for all that! And Good Luck. :D
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#10
Now here is what I would do, if I were you (in terms of, "confronting the bullies!"). Sometimes, you've got to - "bully the bully..."
But here, I don't know if you have any experience in the theater, or acting in general (even at the high school level). Or are good at tricking your mind into momentarily believing things that are not as they are (or "untrue?"). But what I would tell myself, and I've even done this in job interviews to striking success... Is pretend I didn't know who any of these people are - who have been causing me so much misery. In other words, when i go in there to that room, I'm going to pretend I'm someone I'm not. I'm not "You," or (Me). I'm somebody who doesn't know these people and therefore has no history with them. I don't know about all of the bad things they've done to me, and allowed to go on, and so on, and so forth. I'm just . . . playing this "character," that is something of a blank slate. I'm acting. I don't know you, and you don't know me (I'm like a foreign exchange student).
What this would allow me to do - in that given moment... is to take all of the pressure off of the difficulties that could otherwise come with the intense feeings / emotions - & ultimately, of course... "pressure!" :^) I know it may sound unrealistic, or pie-in-the-sky! But if you've got that in your repertoire, then that's how I would play it, or give it a go. . . It isn't easy, even perhaps for someone who is trained (as an actor/actress). Given the particulars. But I'm convinced it could be done. By someone with enough supreme confidence in themselves. And then also understanding that it is a means to an end. With one heckuva carrot stick dangling at the end of it. These imbeciles are not going to stand in my way and inhibit me from pursuing my dreams!! :) So, I might even say this to myself, in order to psych myself out, or up. . . "I bet you can't do this!" I bet you can't pull this off, ...;) & then my response would be: "oh yeah? You wanna bet!" :D but I am weird (in that) way! ;D ha..
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#11
It is a terrible thing to lose a close friend and confidant like that (a "colleague," in a way...) - but! You don't want or need someone who's going to abandon you when times are tough, and you need them most anyway. I'm a firm believer that you really only have one or two "true," or best friends as you put it, in life no matter how many gazillions of facebook friends, and whatnot you may have. You know, the one's you can count on, almost unconditionally. . . And I'm so glad to hear of your boyfriend --(Yes!) Use these two as sources of strength for going through this tough time.
I'm glad to hear of your confidence level of navigating the rough waters ahead once you actually matriculate into medical school. That is no easy feat -& probably in large part, why some of those other students did what they did (they felt you were a threat). I mean, how selfish is that? That my success depends upon your failure...
I agree, it would be best if you could stay in close proximity to your two close connections for school. But if worse comes to worse (or is it "worst?"). . . Then just keep in mind that it is one option that is still worth considering as an exploration, to get what you want to. Ultimately - though it would be an incredible sacrifice, I believe what you said as a strong element for your road to recovery has great validity to it. That once you are in a particular program, and progressing towards your Dream - you will start to begin to feel a newfound sense of pride, and purpose for working toward and achieving your goal. Which is so very difficult to ascertain!
I still think, and this is just my opinion (so may feel free to disagree), that it would be in your best interest: both in the short, as well as long term. To seek care for your past abuse & struggles with the bullies. Because even in the best circumstances, where you're somehow able to stuff it down inside and consciously forget about it. It will still linger, and rear it's ugly head when you maybe least expect it. Now, it may lay dormant for a great many years, and not seemingly affect you. And then one day - out the blue - there it is like it just happened yesterday. Or it could also come out along the way, "sideways," so to speak; and have an effect on some of the things you say, think, feel or do (from a behavioral standpoint). And what could be most perplexing about this scenario, is that you may not in the moment even be able to tell - or trace it back to its source (what's causing the dilemma).
Again, I could be completely wrong because everybody handles and processes things differently. Some people can go about their day and to others, appear perfectly normal, happy & healthy. . . that is to say - "functional." And inside they are either consciously or not, "crumbling." So, I was just thinking that getting some professional help along the way of your path could prove to be entirely beneficial for you and your overall health. Many times, schools will have these services available for free, or covered as part of their "fees," with enrollment. However, I must admit I don't know what sort of detriment it would be, or cause, going to a med school and seeking out these sorts of things (whether or not that would be frowned upon). You'd like to think not, and it is supposed to be confidential. Perhaps a small chance of something complicated there. I do believe that if I were you, and viewed this to be some kind of an obstacle, I would not let that deter me. I would either take that "knock," against my credibility or character, or whatever else you'd want to call it from a controversial standpoint. (that being, one of seeking psychiatric &/or psychological services)
Believe me: there's plenty of people within the medical profession who are psychiatrically medicated and seeking counseling/therapy. Just because they don't announce it, or tell you about it, doesn't mean it isn't happening. And also, even perhaps more so, there are plenty who could, or should be receiving these services. Smartest person I ever knew, got her masters & two doctorates (she reminds me most of the character Russell Crowe played in A Beautiful Mind), sought those services while in graduate school. I believe she told me she went through about ten therapists before finally settling on one that was deemed appropriate enough for her. And I remember her telling me one time, that "therapy was a place where you could go and express yourself, or your feelings and not have yourself be judged..." I believe she went weekly, as I recall her going over to university campus during the Holidays when everything was shut down (but not the medical facility). :)
Sorry for all that! And Good Luck. :D
You will be disgusted to know that when I began that graduate program I started therapy sessions in the first week of classes with the campus councelor because of my past trauma. They knew my entire psychiatric history and continued to allow me to be bullied and help the bullies. They knew I would be pushed to suicide. I told them about my suicidal thoughts when the bullying got very bad and I had to go on medication for the first time in years. They don't care. These people create doctors.

After I graduated I got therapy. But I can't afford it right now and can't even find the right therapist. Not that I could afford it if I did. I just need this, to be on my way to my goal for things to turn around. If not, I can't see any way of making a life worth living after what I've gone through.
 
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Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#12
Now here is what I would do, if I were you (in terms of, "confronting the bullies!"). Sometimes, you've got to - "bully the bully..."
But here, I don't know if you have any experience in the theater, or acting in general (even at the high school level). Or are good at tricking your mind into momentarily believing things that are not as they are (or "untrue?"). But what I would tell myself, and I've even done this in job interviews to striking success... Is pretend I didn't know who any of these people are - who have been causing me so much misery. In other words, when i go in there to that room, I'm going to pretend I'm someone I'm not. I'm not "You," or (Me). I'm somebody who doesn't know these people and therefore has no history with them. I don't know about all of the bad things they've done to me, and allowed to go on, and so on, and so forth. I'm just . . . playing this "character," that is something of a blank slate. I'm acting. I don't know you, and you don't know me (I'm like a foreign exchange student).
What this would allow me to do - in that given moment... is to take all of the pressure off of the difficulties that could otherwise come with the intense feeings / emotions - & ultimately, of course... "pressure!" :^) I know it may sound unrealistic, or pie-in-the-sky! But if you've got that in your repertoire, then that's how I would play it, or give it a go. . . It isn't easy, even perhaps for someone who is trained (as an actor/actress). Given the particulars. But I'm convinced it could be done. By someone with enough supreme confidence in themselves. And then also understanding that it is a means to an end. With one heckuva carrot stick dangling at the end of it. These imbeciles are not going to stand in my way and inhibit me from pursuing my dreams!! :) So, I might even say this to myself, in order to psych myself out, or up. . . "I bet you can't do this!" I bet you can't pull this off, ...;) & then my response would be: "oh yeah? You wanna bet!" :D but I am weird (in that) way! ;D ha..
I'm going to try this actually. Sometimes when my depression is so bad that it's paralyzing I can't help but try to pretend something else and that's it's not true.
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#13
You will be disgusted to know that when I began that graduate program I started therapy sessions in the first week of classes with the campus councelor because of my past trauma. They knew my entire psychiatric history and continued to allow me to be bullied and help the bullies. They knew I would be pushed to suicide. I told them about my suicidal thoughts when the bullying got very bad and I had to go on medication for the first time in years. They don't care. These people create doctors.

After I graduated I got therapy. But I can't afford it right now and can't even find the right therapist. Not that I could afford it if I did. I just need this, to be on my way to my goal for things to turn around. If not, I can't see any way of making a life worth living after what I've gone through.
Well, this is good then . . . In that - at least you know a little bit about what experience I'm talking about - in regards getting some kind of professional help. Now, I'm sorry that your experience was not only, not better, but downright in the case of the school you're talking about: a complete disaster! You're absolutely correct; my mind, is blown-- That people would resort to doing these types of things is almost 'unthinkable,' that said: it most certainly can or could happen - given that we are human. And that at times, is a very very unfortunate thing indeed! :/

Maybe once you're actually admitted into a school, you can seek out treatment at some better hands, or find some other alternative means? While you've got, or had some experience in this regard, it sounds or seems to me that it was primarily "negative." Which, although not uncommon (for one to have great difficulty in finding good sound help; or that is beneficial in a way that helps them to grow & prosper, that is to say... "successful!") but obviously your case had one incredible 'twist,' to it. And for that, I am sorry. . . But just know that I believe that to be something of an isolated incident. In other words, that's not going to be the norm, I'd be willing to venture a pretty good & safe bet going forward- :)

Also probably/perhaps possible to complete your entire program sans/or without any pro-help at all: you could most certainly rely on, or lean on your two close confidants, and etc. However, just keep in mind that they are not trained to really help you ultimately get to the bottom, or core of whatever the problem is, and therefore aid, or assist you in it's repair. Another thing to keep in mind, I've heard it said that when discussing past traumas of significance, if the person on the receiving end - or the one doing the listening, in this case the two of which we're speaking, don't know what to do, it can at times do, or be more harm than good. Though I am not necessarily sure why in this regard. When it was explained to me by a psychologist, who'd first become a biologist (PhD), it made an awful lot of sense~ ;)

Perhaps the medication would be in order, in order to help restore and maintain some type of semblance of balance while you're pursuing/undertaking such a huge climb of a/the mountain? Anyway, as I said, it could be that seeking this sort of help at or in a medical school or community is "passively," frowned upon. In other words, privately, as opposed to publicly. That said... I think you've just got to ignore all of that, and put you, yourself "first!" And do what's best for, and in the best interest of yourself. To give you the best opportunity to create the best version of yourself, if that makes sense. As I said, just try to find a way. : )
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#14
I'm going to try this actually. Sometimes when my depression is so bad that it's paralyzing I can't help but try to pretend something else and that's it's not true.
I just know that this is what would likely work best for me. I make no guarantees of somebody else's ability to pull it off... That said, I think that if it's possible to do so, what you'd find you're able to experience is a drastic reduction in the physiological & psychological responses that would accompany such emotions and things, that would no doubt be running on high, or at / near their peak during the Q & A. :) If you feel like it may be worth a shot - that of giving it a go? Just be sure to have a Plan B (In case things don't go as planned, or you feel too nervous to do it, or whatever else ~ it just doesn't feel right, etc. Take the temperature in the room, and then go from their. Default or fall back plan, could be just to go back to what you'd initially planned. Whatever happens just try not to let them see you sweat (don't give them that satisfaction). And I can just image this ex classmate of yours trying or attempting to pull some nonverbals and questionable condescending tone - etc., with you in there. Doing things to try and provoke, or make you feel thrown off, by her 'power.' But that is all bull shat- (don't let her do that; to you, again). :^) She is just being "cowardly!" Try to keep in the back of your mind what the end game, or goal is. It is not to win these people over, in the sense that you're now all going to be life-long friends, or anything like that. But rather, as you said before, give you the chance. . . (that foot in the door) in order to... That's all you need! Is the idiots to give you a shot, an opportunity to pursue your passion in life. And then you will do the rest and proceed to be a great success in the program. Use it as motivation, rather than fear.
You know this reminds me a little bit of something that some of the students I talked about in that program from before had to endure, if they wanted to be given a second chance to continue. As I said, it was nowhere near as hard to get into as say, Medical School. And so therefore, you had probably a much higher attrition rate, given that all of your classes (let's say 8 or 9, out of ten) all end in "-ology!" ;D ...but so anyway, if you'd somehow gotten yourself academically dismissed, or something akin, then you'd have to go in front of the board, or committee, and undergo a process that sounded an awful lot like defending yourself in a court of law. You had to present a case, preferably with evidence, as to why they should now allow you back (what mistakes did you make - & how do you plan to correct them). Anyway, I could see yours as being both less, and more stressful than that, if given the particulars. You may be sitting there staring at the gross anatomy professor who just flunked or failed you for whatever reason! ;)
But I wish you the best of luck, and have they given you any kind of a time table on the decision making process for the wait list at the other school? If not, maybe you could find some way of finding the correct people to ask! :)
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#15
The bullies weren't there. I'm so relieved. It was just a few random students I've never met before.

The interview went well. I made the interviewers laugh a few times and they seemed to like me. I stumbled on one question, but I did the best I could manage.
 

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