the thrill is gone, my lust for life is over. prediction: alcohol, puts laptop on and sits behind it watching shows, surfing web, pretending like hes busy, thinking about what school he should but doesnt do, feeling okay if he doesnt jerk off getting high on the testosteron overdose, but once you do cum the fire is out, the depression is on, i will never amount to something i should put myself down, this is nothing for the world to endure such a loser. maybe soon i finally dare to, moments from absolute breakdown, destination: rock bottom, dont know how far, i might be there but ill crash and burn and ill be nothing but a mess of blood and bones. damnit damnit damnit i hope ill never wake up
forgot to add: gamble his money away and put himself in a big fat debt, just another 100 down the drain, but will he stop no hes addicted how can gambling be addicted it doesnt even have substance just quit the fucking habit already but no... not even that is possible for him, what an idiot i hope hell finally die already
no matter what i do i never finish it, i cant even get car tires replaced, i make plans how to do it etc but the next step will not be made, why? hes a complicated motherfucker that overloads too easily, hes an unreliable one, but i heard he had talent somewhere hidden down deep too bad he never dips into that shit and makes icecream
i dont know where to start how to start how to stop i have no idea how to calibrate that shit, same around humans cant hold a damn normal conversation, just sit there silent like a motherfucker, or run routines, or start monologing but never the calibrated conversations that most people can have about unimportant things like the weather or i dont know, i suck at that shit like a dog rolling in horsecrap
i cant even hold a bank account without plundering it, i live as sober as possible but when it comes to gambling act like a fucking millionaire, how the fuck is that possible im as cheap as shit but still i manage to hand over all my money to casino's and sportsbetters, its no surprise i dont make nothing, its a recipe for disaster
i feel like im absolutely gonna loathe life soon enough to finally quit it and be just another name on a tombstone
why dont i, whats holding me back tell me i dont know myself why does nothing happen, why does nothing but then nothing happen why does nobody know, not even myself what the hell do i want