I think today is my last day on earth

[ZakPup]

Hi all, I'm not gonna go into a huge long explanation or anything. Just simply put my emotional scars are not healing and things keep coming up that just rip em right open. A little about my past I'm a x-druggy. I used to be in meth, heroin, and narcotics. My last relationship both of us were using meth at that time and I was at my worst, I cheated on him multiple times I loved him but we were most of the times high. We rarely got into scrapes but I held everything in and I pushed him away from me. I hurt him even tho he says he forgives me I'll never be able to forgive myself. I think that everything I did in my past is holding me back. I look at the scars i have on my arms from cigarettes and cuts and they just rip my emotional scars wide open. I try to turn to God but even there I get the feeling of a great emptiness. So I guess I'll say goodbye now, might stay for a lil to see if anyone answers but I doubt it.

 

[dazzle11215]

hi i am sorry you are in so much pain tonight
are you newly in recovery? when i quit drinking it was like my emotions ramped up 1000% i felt like a brand new baby i couldn't handle any stress even talking to people triggered me
stick around and keep sharing
don't do anything rash
it does get better

 

[ZakPup]

I've been clean since the end of november but i had a small relapse just last month to codine. Ever since then its like I've been on an emotional roller coaster. I just recently got out of the clinic to help with my feelings and get some help quiting. Was only in for a few days and they released me with not much help except changing my prescription a little and saying i need to try a 12 step program.

 

[dazzle11215]

i used to go to aa and just sit there and cry, i was so vulnerable
but it does get easier, i promise
you will get stronger
can you go back to the clinic if you need to
i was in an outpatient program (for bipolar, not drinking) and i went back four times....

 

[ZakPup]

I too am bipolar thats the main reason I went the other day. To get some help and this certain place isnt the best I came out feeling worse than i went in. Just guess I have to keep myself off the streets tonight and I'll eventually get over it.

 

[dazzle11215]

stay safe
if it's not too late maybe a short walk
then some time doing something to comfort yourself
you have been hurt enough