I want to move on but don't know how.

[Prussia]

Its been like 5 months since my ex dumped me and cut off literally all communication. It really took me by surprise so I have a lot of pent up thoughts and anger and stuff about it. I've been trying to vent it out or just distract myself from it but it's just as prominent as it was 5 months ago.

I feel like these tactics are just ignoring the problem/shoving it aside rather than helping me move past it but I have no other ideas. What do I do to actually let go of it all and move forward? If this continues my depression will only get worse.

 

[AlexiMarie7]

Hey, I am so sorry for your hurt; I can relate as I have been in these shoes.

Technically 5 months seems like a fair enough time for you to feel differently. But I have learned that matters of the heart have a calendar of their own altogether.

Are you involved in any activities? While times does sort of "heal", I would suggest immerse yourself in positive things to keep you distracted to help pass the time sooner. Maybe gym/exercise classes/social awareness groups/development talks or workshops/volunteer with people in need.

Even if you start with adding one activity consistently to your schedule it may help.

Have you spoken to a therapist as well? That may also help you along.

 

[Prussia]

I've been trying to find things to do but I don't have a ton of friends in the state and it's really hard to meet new people my own age here. As for classes, I don't have the funds to do much of that kind of thing. Plus, it's hard to go out and want to do anything while depressed and it's no small hurdle. I used to chat with my co-workers and make plans that way but I had to quit that job. I'm trying to think of simple, preferably free things to do to deal with this.

No, I don't have a therapist. My parents can't (or won't, it's unclear) afford another one for my family. Sometimes I think it's the best option but I'm on their insurance so it's ultimately their call. :P

 

[AlexiMarie7]

This is true that it is hard to "want" to do anything. It's really about basically forcing yourself, until hopefully it becomes a new routine.

Do you still have the contact info for your former co-workers? Maybe getting together even once in a while with them may be good, if they were enjoyable company.

Any luck yet with finding the activities? This is a bit random but one of my fondest memories was having an elderly lady I would sit with who taught me how to knit. She was a distant friend of my family at the time, and I don't even remember how to knit now though I want to.
Maybe something with the elderly/animals may be available? I guess there's always good old google for free community events in your area/meetup.com

Also, can you look into some maybe more natural/OTC medication. If you are able to afford it, maybe trying that for a month even may be worth it.

Please feel free to message me anytime. Hug

 

[Prussia]

How do I get closure? I'm so angry and need him to understand why he can't treat people that way and idk what to do about it. It bothers me 24/7 but only boils to the surface when I try to sleep. Or when most pop/rock music plays. :P

 

[Jael_9]

I can understand you perfectly because I am struggling for this too. But the more time you are doing nothing much more you start to think about. Currently I am unemployed so I have a lot of time to think about him and the things we used to do. So the key is occupying your time in something productive that it doesn't allow you thinking.

 

[Prussia]

Just distract myself forever?

 

[Jael_9]

Soon you will find another person or thing that makes yourself feeling complete. But that is not fast. First you have to learn living with just yourself.

 

[AlexiMarie7]

No, not forever, nothing is forever. It is a start though. Doing it (whatever constructive activity you find) consistently will make it easier and help. It helps only "actively" having less time available to think and dwell on the situation. It continues to lessen...

And then also what
@Jael_9 said

(((Hug)))

 

[A guy with feelings]

If you find something that works, share it. I will do the same for you. It was January 8 that I got kicked to the curb. I can't stop thinking about her and missing her terribly. If you want to chat, I'm available. Prayers and hugs.

 

[Egg119]

How do I get closure? I'm so angry and need him to understand why he can't treat people that way and idk what to do about it. It bothers me 24/7 but only boils to the surface when I try to sleep. Or when most pop/rock music plays. :p

I split up with my ex 3 months ago, and am going through very similar feelings to you. One thing I do know though is, the why doesn't matter at all now, all that matters is 'we' accept that it has happened, and move on. This is way easier said than done, and I haven't found a way of doing it myself yet, but I intend to try. Good luck, and keep posting

 

[Prussia]

If you find something that works, share it. I will do the same for you. It was January 8 that I got kicked to the curb. I can't stop thinking about her and missing her terribly. If you want to chat, I'm available. Prayers and hugs.

It took me a long time to kick myself into gear, but I finally started to learn Japanese and it's way more helpful than I anticipated.
It gives my mind a work out and I can quiz myself on it whenever my brain starts to wander backwards. Having something I can work on just a little bit every day, and eventually I'll meet my goal, has helped me a ton. Maybe there's something like that for you? A language or a writing goal or an exercise goal or art or something that you can just do a little bit of every day so you can feel better when you go to bed having done something to prove to yourself that you're getting better and moving forward. At least, that's how it's working for me, and right now I'm only doing 30 minutes of Japanese a day. Gonna kick it up to an hour this week probably.
That's helped me, hopefully you can find a little thing like that to work for you, @A guy with feelings. If you have other suggestions too, let me know.

 

[A guy with feelings]

Thank you for that. I have a long weekend now, I think on that.