Ok, I probably shouldn't be posting here as I don't have an eating disorder as such, but I do have a messed up relationship with food.
I haven't ate anything today, and that made me quite happy. As I was thinking about maybe getting a snack, I stopped myself and wrote out this list, to "keep me on track" if you will. I know that I shouldn't be thinking like this and it isn't healthy. But I wanted to post the list here, maybe some of you can relate to it?
º I want to wake up tomorrow and feel good about myself
º I want to actually achieve something for once
º I want to finally be happy with myself
º I don't want to stay this fat and pathetic forever
º I want to be different
º I want to be able to control myself
º I want to be perfect
º I want to be attractive
º I want to be envied
º I want to stop wasting time and money on food I don't need
º I want to start uni in the autumn ahd not be that disgusting fat girl
º I want to be able to get on a bus or a train without taking up all the room
º I want to be able to walk through a crowd without having to apologies to everyone for getting in their way because I'm so fat
º I want to enjoy being hungry
º I want to be able to get past a row of people sitting down
º I want to buy nice, small clothes
º I want to throw up and still get the same hit that I used to
º I want to be able to just say, "No, I'm not hungry"
º I want people to be ok with that
º I want to hear my stomach screaming at me
º I want to be the skinniest
º I want my legs to be as wide as mu wrists
º I want to be able to go days without eating
º I want my hands to be icy cold, so I can feel like I'm going somewhere with this
º I want to feel faint because I haven't eaten in so long
º I want to be all dizzy and light-headed
º I want to see my rib cage
º I want to be able to get my whole hand around my collar bone when I breathe in
I haven't ate anything today, and that made me quite happy. As I was thinking about maybe getting a snack, I stopped myself and wrote out this list, to "keep me on track" if you will. I know that I shouldn't be thinking like this and it isn't healthy. But I wanted to post the list here, maybe some of you can relate to it?
º I want to wake up tomorrow and feel good about myself
º I want to actually achieve something for once
º I want to finally be happy with myself
º I don't want to stay this fat and pathetic forever
º I want to be different
º I want to be able to control myself
º I want to be perfect
º I want to be attractive
º I want to be envied
º I want to stop wasting time and money on food I don't need
º I want to start uni in the autumn ahd not be that disgusting fat girl
º I want to be able to get on a bus or a train without taking up all the room
º I want to be able to walk through a crowd without having to apologies to everyone for getting in their way because I'm so fat
º I want to enjoy being hungry
º I want to be able to get past a row of people sitting down
º I want to buy nice, small clothes
º I want to throw up and still get the same hit that I used to
º I want to be able to just say, "No, I'm not hungry"
º I want people to be ok with that
º I want to hear my stomach screaming at me
º I want to be the skinniest
º I want my legs to be as wide as mu wrists
º I want to be able to go days without eating
º I want my hands to be icy cold, so I can feel like I'm going somewhere with this
º I want to feel faint because I haven't eaten in so long
º I want to be all dizzy and light-headed
º I want to see my rib cage
º I want to be able to get my whole hand around my collar bone when I breathe in