I was raped and molested ( didnt know what to put here sorta

[recovering]

I was molested August 23 2014 it wasn’t like a huge thing he touched me a little gropped me , and pushed me into a linen closet forced his tongue down my throat I was 14
I was raped August 19 2016 , no vaginal penetration just anal I was 16 literally lasted 5 to 7 mins. He got me alone in a bathroom and raped me I froze . I didn’t know what to do I said no . Both incidents I feel are my fault mainly because of What I didn’t do .. when I was fourteen I started self harm people believed it was for attention , just like not believing me about the abuse like why would I make it up .
Fast forward to present day struggling with depression . Haven’t cut in three months But the desire is so strong plus my trauma anniversaries coming up next month don’t know how I’m going to make it . Therapist thinks I have a Eating disorder but I’m not convinced .. sorry it’s all over the place I’m
Not medicated but I will be tomorrow and plus I’m just now the best at grammar if you made it this far thanks and any advice would be appreciated 🥰

 

[JDot]

Welcome to SF. What happened was not your fault. you can look back and think about things you didn't do but you were in distress at the time.

 

[recovering]

Welcome to SF. What happened was not your fault. you can look back and think about things you didn't do but you were in distress at the time.

Thanks JDot it’s just so hard. I’m transitioning from victim to survivor and that in itself is so exhausting so thanks for replying

 

[JDot]

Thanks JDot it’s just so hard. I’m transitioning from victim to survivor and that in itself is so exhausting so thanks for replying

 

[justrob]

Dear @recovering,

I don't know you, but I am really sad you want to hurt yourself. You were victimized. That sucks. I hope the medication helps. If the meds make you feel better, please use that time to talk with a professional and work through it. I hope you start feeling a little better soon my friend. I would like to hear you are doing better.

 

[Bbear82]

I completly understand that your blaming yourself and why, our minds sometimes have the tendencies to lie to us. This is in no way your fault, either incindent. i know how hard that is to believe and when others say that its not your fault you feel like yeah right they dont know and you give yourself a million reasons that it is/was. please remember you were in distress and that alone makes it not your fault. try to let the blame lie on the right person, them not you. it wont be easy but you will come out of this stronger than you were before. i admire your courage to reach out here, i know it must not have been easy. just remember we are all here to support you and care about/for you..

 

[recovering]

Dear @recovering,

I don't know you, but I am really sad you want to hurt yourself. You were victimized. That sucks. I hope the medication helps. If the meds make you feel better, please use that time to talk with a professional and work through it. I hope you start feeling a little better soon my friend. I would like to hear you are doing better.

Hey , thanks . Meds usually help but I Depise being felt like I’m being controlled

 

[recovering]

Dear @recovering,

I don't know you, but I am really sad you want to hurt yourself. You were victimized. That sucks. I hope the medication helps. If the meds make you feel better, please use that time to talk with a professional and work through it. I hope you start feeling a little better soon my friend. I would like to hear you are doing better.

I completly understand that your blaming yourself and why, our minds sometimes have the tendencies to lie to us. This is in no way your fault, either incindent. i know how hard that is to believe and when others say that its not your fault you feel like yeah right they dont know and you give yourself a million reasons that it is/was. please remember you were in distress and that alone makes it not your fault. try to let the blame lie on the right person, them not you. it wont be easy but you will come out of this stronger than you were before. i admire your courage to reach out here, i know it must not have been easy. just remember we are all here to support you and care about/for you..

Thank yuh

 

[Cagla]

You didn't do anything.. nothing. It wasn't your fault. Never. Never. Never. Never. Never. There are some monsters around us. They are not human. They are not animals. They are nothing. Nothing but darkness. It wasn't your fault. Never. I'm sure if the victim was me and I wrote here I felt guilty you would tell I'm not. Because I wouldn't . And you aren't. I'm so sad. This world has everything merged. People and nothings together. ..

 

[may71]

Both incidents I feel are my fault mainly because of What I didn’t do ..

Rape and molestation are crimes. The only one responsible for those crimes is the perpetrator. Please don't blame yourself.

 

[GFS]

Freezing in front of an attack is one of the ways your body respond to it. It's an involuntary reflex. And it is an unavoidable reaction if you can't "flight" and terrified. So, no definitely not your fault.
People who do such things should be thrown in jail and then throw the key in the sea.

 

[Petal]

What happened was not in any way your fault, never blame yourself. I'm sorry to hear people just thought you were looking for attention, that isn't nice but us here on this website will never think that so stay here and keep talking to us and make friends here and meet people who have been through similar things, hopefully that will give you a sense of hope and desire to live your life to the fullest.

Well done for not cutting in 3 months, that is absolutely fantastic, congrats.

 

[recovering]

@ petal , thank you so much those words are comforting

 

[Petal]

You are very welcome, hang around here, we really are a good bunch and we'll try to help you to the best of our ability, big hugs

 

[Walker]

Hi there and welcome to the forum.
You say that you're in therapy so that would lead me to believe that you must realize that most people freeze in these situations. Not doing anything is really common. Your head just won't allow you to DO anything or often even SAY anything. Plus you are young and lack the experience of situations enough to perform under that kind of stress. There's just no way you could have control over this. I'm sure that in your rational thinking you know this isn't your "fault" somewhere. I hope you can tap into that often and remember that you are stronger and more powerful now. You don't have to let the past take over the present (such as saying the "anniversary" of abuse is coming up. Own that month, take it back for yourself. So special things for yourself. Don't give up a whole month to some assholes that took advantage of you!)