I'm alone, nobody likes me, loosing friends

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Viktor, Jun 12, 2016.

  1. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    I didn't post here for a long time. It's because every time i'm thinking about posting here, i find out that i would need to explain lots of stuff in long wall of text again. And since i know that talking or writing about it won't fix my life, i decide to not writing anything. I don't even know why i'm writing now. But i won't write all that needs to be written so you guys would understand me completely. And in fact, i already wrote a lot about myself in my previous topics/posts. Things are going just worse and worse for me. Still loosing more and more friends. People don't wanna go with me anywhere. I so much wanted to go to zoo with a girl i love. But that was a year ago. Because a year ago, she left and cut all contacts with me. Stopped reading her emails. But i'm still writing her on that email address, even though i know that she doesn't reading it and i'm practically writing it for myself. Before she left, she said she will go to zoo with me. You can't imagine how much i was looking forward to it. We both love animals. So when she left and last message she wrote me was that she won't go with me and that we won't see each other again, it broke me. I panicked. Couldn't even say goodbye to her. When i saw her last time, we just said "see you" to ourselves, like we would see each other again soon. But it was the last time i saw her. Don't even have her picture. I have her only in my memory. Now when i'm still writing to her, i am a bit scared that if she would ever open her email again and found how many messages i wrote her, she would be mad at me. I wouldn't handle it. She didn't love me. I was just friend to her. I wanted to wait till we are in zoo together and there i wanted to tell her that i love her. But it never came to it. So when she wrote me that she is leaving, i wrote her that i fell in love with her, that i don't want her to go. She acted like i'm crazy. Yesterday, i went to zoo alone. Who is visiting zoo alone. And i had tears in my eyes. Because i remembered her, that we could see all those beautiful animals together.

    See? It's already long. And it's just a small fraction of what i would need to say. Losing her is not the only problem in my life. I never was able to attract woman. I never had many friends and now number of my friends is dropping. I feel expendable. And it's hard for me to live like that. I feel like i can't go on anymore. You have no idea. I am not depressed. I'm anxious. I'm sad, because i'm alone. I don't hate myself. I have a strict opinions about world and life. You could see it in my thread called "System" for example. It's like i'm sensing the world too much. Like i'm aware of all stuff around too much. I don't know. But i am alone. Every day. Doing everything alone. And i can't handle it no more.

    Attached Files:

    Fading_Awayy likes this.
  2. Fading_Awayy

    Fading_Awayy SF Supporter

    i can relate soo much to you viktor in everything you said about losing friends not finding love and being alone and even about writing threads i only wrote like one or two because every time i write i end up writing a book then i delete it all , Any way believe me eventually you will find someone that will fall in love with you , and friends who stick with you through hard times are the ones you need to keep close and fu#@ the rest , even if no one is left f#$% them all , excuse my language :) hope you feel better soon you already have friends here in SF That will never leave you me included :D ,, best wishes and *hugs*
  3. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much. I have no one who would stick with me. Every time i tried to open myself to someone and shared my sad stories with them, they left me. Sooner or later. But this behavior is common in society. Everyone accept positiveness and happiness only. And it makes me sad and it disgusts me in the same time. World nor life isn't positive only. And no, happiness isn't choice like some people likes to educate others with this. You can't be happy for no reason. When bad stuff happens in your life, you are sad and you are negative and you are right to be. And you don't deserve to be abandoned by everyone because of that. I mean, happiness is awesome, but i can't be happy just because. I need reason for that.
    Today i lost another friend. She likes animals too and when i was taking pics of animals in zoo, i was looking forward to show her. But she said that she don't like zoo. It disappointed me, because it ruined my excitement for showing her the pics. She don't like zoos, because she don't like animals closed in cages. She would like to see them free. So i started explaining her that the question of whether zoos are good for animals or not can't be answered to easily. It has pros and cons for animals. But i found that she don't like to think much. That's also why she's probably happy. People who doesn't think much are simply happy, for obvious reason. Anyway, she didn't wanna talk about it. She simply doesn't like zoos, because, well, zoo. You know. Eventually she got angry and removed me from friend list on facebook and blocked me. It did hurt. As for the blocking people on internet. Such feature is so much misused. People are using it even if the other person tells them something they don't wanna hear. It should be used only for some serious reason. Like when someone harassing you, or when someone spamming you with advertising or stuff like that. But people are abusing this feature so much. Because it's so much easier to simply click one button than facing the problem. Because probably again, people wanna remove themselves from the negative zone. When you are arguing with someone, you are in negative zone at the moment, obviously. But that's just part of the life, even part of the friendship. Why to give up the friendship because of that? Just accept that world isn't positive only.
    Fading_Awayy likes this.
  4. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    That feeling of loneliness is truly a bitch... makes everything in life a lot harder.

    I often find myself looking back at friendships that have either broken, or simply been parted from. Those memories are tough... especially when something brings them to the front of the mind.

    I know I tended... and sometimes still tend to isolate out of fear of further rejection... which unfortunately only helps me think I am hated by all... when those who I have found can prove it isn't true.
  5. silis

    silis Active Member

    sucks a lot. was recently abandoned by group of "friends", AND my owner. its sucks so much, especially when i run into them and see them having a good time. i can see they have no interest in me anymore,or never had any, and try to avoid me. ive never done anything wrong to anyone to deserve anything happening to me, so why do i need to be punished?
  6. Flaxney

    Flaxney Well-Known Member

    People will leave you if you have nothing to offer them anymore. It's unavoidable so you have to focus on more rewarding pursuits.
  7. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    It would be easily avoidable if people wasn't close-minded
  8. Fading_Awayy

    Fading_Awayy SF Supporter

    you are right my friend, feel free to talk to me in the chat about anything anytime , i'm a good listener :) , have a lovle day <3