I can relate and understand this. I think about suicide every second my head stops focusing on something. It’s like my resting thought. Without any trigger that image comes into your mind like a flash of a camera showing you that picture.
Stay strong, surf the urge, try to shift your focus, train your brain to rest on something different, a different image, something less harmful. I’ve been told this takes willingness to want to change, time and a lot of effort. Sometimes it’s feels worth the effort, sometimes perhaps not so much. But keep trying, it’s all we can do. Stay strong. We are with you.