neutralbuoyancy

stuck in place yet again
#1
rather than being, depressed and suicidal. I just just crave suicide like almost taste it in my mouth. Its the same feeling of drooling after you imagine your favorite food. Like I almost feel a knife in my hands and going you know. like a imaginary knife. sighs the only thing stopping me is my dog.
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
#2
rather than being, depressed and suicidal. I just just crave suicide like almost taste it in my mouth. Its the same feeling of drooling after you imagine your favorite food. Like I almost feel a knife in my hands and going you know. like a imaginary knife. sighs the only thing stopping me is my dog.
Is there something going on that's triggering this? Your life has value. Please only answer if comfortable
 

Holding my breath

SF Pro
SF Supporter
#3
rather than being, depressed and suicidal. I just just crave suicide like almost taste it in my mouth. Its the same feeling of drooling after you imagine your favorite food. Like I almost feel a knife in my hands and going you know. like a imaginary knife. sighs the only thing stopping me is my dog.
I can relate and understand this. I think about suicide every second my head stops focusing on something. It’s like my resting thought. Without any trigger that image comes into your mind like a flash of a camera showing you that picture.
Stay strong, surf the urge, try to shift your focus, train your brain to rest on something different, a different image, something less harmful. I’ve been told this takes willingness to want to change, time and a lot of effort. Sometimes it’s feels worth the effort, sometimes perhaps not so much. But keep trying, it’s all we can do. Stay strong. We are with you.
 

iloverachel

No longer suicidal after 8 years of depression
#4
Sorry you are feeling suicidal, i also relate. like the above poster said i think about suicide all the time if im not focused on something else
I was enjoying a netflix series, then when it ended, the thoughts came back

I think distraction, or an activity that engages your thoughts can help alleviate the suicidal thoughts

I still think thats a short term solution, and to cure it long term would require much more
 

neutralbuoyancy

stuck in place yet again
#5
Is there something going on that's triggering this? Your life has value. Please only answer if comfortable
hmm, Its more like a high almost like a roller coaster thrillish feeling. When im depressed i feel like committing suicide seriously. When I'm empty, i feel like suicide is almost within my grasp. When I'm happy suicide is a option. Like i almost choked on a tablet but didn't let myself die. why? idk, it was more like 'i'm choking, i'm choking' rather than I don't want to die. Not sure if this makes sense, and yes I know every life has value but that is no reason for depriving a person their death. that is the same as depriving their birth right.
 

neutralbuoyancy

stuck in place yet again
#6
I can relate and understand this. I think about suicide every second my head stops focusing on something. It’s like my resting thought. Without any trigger that image comes into your mind like a flash of a camera showing you that picture.
Stay strong, surf the urge, try to shift your focus, train your brain to rest on something different, a different image, something less harmful. I’ve been told this takes willingness to want to change, time and a lot of effort. Sometimes it’s feels worth the effort, sometimes perhaps not so much. But keep trying, it’s all we can do. Stay strong. We are with you.
Ah yes, you put into perfect words, that's what I'm saying. It's like a thought that kind of eases me knowing its there n it can happen. Like a mental comfort.
 

neutralbuoyancy

stuck in place yet again
#7
Sorry you are feeling suicidal, i also relate. like the above poster said i think about suicide all the time if im not focused on something else
I was enjoying a netflix series, then when it ended, the thoughts came back

I think distraction, or an activity that engages your thoughts can help alleviate the suicidal thoughts

I still think thats a short term solution, and to cure it long term would require much more
Hmm, to be honest that's kinda the thing, It's kinda like this. I don't want to be depressed and held back by the suicidal thought. but that does not mean I want to let go of the idea of suicide. Knowing suicide is an option in my back pockets, is kind of like my mental comfort. Also DO NOT EVER apologize, for someone being suicidal or yourself being suicidal. That is absolutely rude and its almost the same as denying those feelings, and I don't like it. Believe me even my therapist talks about distractions, but the thing is no matter what I do i feel empty inside whic draws out the emotions. Like life just feels bland and boring, everyday is the same kind of feeling.
 

Daphna

Ninja of light
#8
I used to romanticize death too. The darkness always had it strange appeal. I’ve found a light and I’m never going back. Living in the light is the greatest thrill of all. Hugs you’ll be in my thoughts.
 

neutralbuoyancy

stuck in place yet again
#9
I used to romanticize death too. The darkness always had it strange appeal. I’ve found a light and I’m never going back. Living in the light is the greatest thrill of all. Hugs you’ll be in my thoughts.
It's quite a interesting thing to say. But i think im stuck in this path n im ok with it i think.
 

neutralbuoyancy

stuck in place yet again
#11
If that’s what you want?
*sighs* Sorry to unload on you i judt don't know anymore. Every day of my life is the same so it makes me depressed but there isn't much I can to do change it. My eyes are really damaged with thin nerves brealing down each hour make it instantly blurrier per hour. Making me almost blind at day and night. Its due to excessive dehydration but not matter qhat i do the dehydration won't go away almost making me cry. I can't even sleep at night or morning cuz it's so hot and soem times I kinda almost pass out when it gets hot out. I kinda just don't want to live like this anymore it's been like this for years.
 

iloverachel

No longer suicidal after 8 years of depression
#12
Hmm, to be honest that's kinda the thing, It's kinda like this. I don't want to be depressed and held back by the suicidal thought. but that does not mean I want to let go of the idea of suicide. Knowing suicide is an option in my back pockets, is kind of like my mental comfort. Also DO NOT EVER apologize, for someone being suicidal or yourself being suicidal. That is absolutely rude and its almost the same as denying those feelings, and I don't like it. Believe me even my therapist talks about distractions, but the thing is no matter what I do i feel empty inside whic draws out the emotions. Like life just feels bland and boring, everyday is the same kind of feeling.
I understand. For me death and suicide is my mental comfort. Knowing this will end one day.

I also agree when you say life is bland boring and not much can be done.

Hopefully there is a solution somehow for us to not feel depressed and empty and bored. Those are horrible feelings
 

neutralbuoyancy

stuck in place yet again
#13
I understand. For me death and suicide is my mental comfort. Knowing this will end one day.

I also agree when you say life is bland boring and not much can be done.

Hopefully there is a solution somehow for us to not feel depressed and empty and bored. Those are horrible feelings
Indeed, im bored and heating up as long as I can get my body bck to proper health at this point even boring is fine. Indeed i do hope there is a solution for us *pat pat*
 

Daphna

Ninja of light
#14
*sighs* Sorry to unload on you i judt don't know anymore. Every day of my life is the same so it makes me depressed but there isn't much I can to do change it. My eyes are really damaged with thin nerves brealing down each hour make it instantly blurrier per hour. Making me almost blind at day and night. Its due to excessive dehydration but not matter qhat i do the dehydration won't go away almost making me cry. I can't even sleep at night or morning cuz it's so hot and soem times I kinda almost pass out when it gets hot out. I kinda just don't want to live like this anymore it's been like this for years.
That sounds like a hard life. No need to apologize to me or anyone. Is it diabetic related?
 

iloverachel

No longer suicidal after 8 years of depression
#16
rather than being, depressed and suicidal. I just just crave suicide like almost taste it in my mouth. Its the same feeling of drooling after you imagine your favorite food. Like I almost feel a knife in my hands and going you know. like a imaginary knife. sighs the only thing stopping me is my dog.
I feel the same!
*hug
 

neutralbuoyancy

stuck in place yet again
#19
I think about it 24/7 it's going to happen to me.
Honestly all the people who committed suicide and their parents later end up trying to bring awareness to the issue. I don't know how they commit suicide. Like how do they get the tools for it without being caught? I always found myself questioning the parents where the kid committed suicide, what were you doing, when you kid was so far pushed to the edge to commit suicide. If you were not there for them then what gives you the right to promote suicide awareness when you yourself played a part. Idk, i always think.about suicide and dying like. I think about.dying and how ppl ik how feel after I die but I never thought about what steps to take to die which is rather interesting.
 

Skully

Public Access
#20
Honestly all the people who committed suicide and their parents later end up trying to bring awareness to the issue. I don't know how they commit suicide. Like how do they get the tools for it without being caught? I always found myself questioning the parents where the kid committed suicide, what were you doing, when you kid was so far pushed to the edge to commit suicide. If you were not there for them then what gives you the right to promote suicide awareness when you yourself played a part. Idk, i always think.about suicide and dying like. I think about.dying and how ppl ik how feel after I die but I never thought about what steps to take to die which is rather interesting.
Thinking about dying and actually wanting to there is the difference though. If a kid commits suicide how can you say it's the parents to blame have you heard of kids taking their life to to school bullies and that the school didn't do anything about the bullies so it's not that you can't take your parents everywhere with you and you can just point the blame at parents that makes every parent out there look bad by what you've suggested. No one does anything about suicide awearness in this world
 

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