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Im going crazy..Ive been hurt badly..:revenge:

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by Anny44, Aug 16, 2017.

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  1. Anny44

    Anny44 Well-Known Member

    Someone I was dating who claimed to love me, although we were not exclusive, I needed time to heal from the last 10 year debacle before I jumped into another relationship...
    Well, he brought someone I knew and liked and I felt something between them. It was strong enough for me to notice...
    I asked and he told me I was right...
    and it fucking hurts...
    Im loosing it from his reactions.."It was just sex, she even asked if it was okay..."

    Now I cant get it out of my head.

    Ive never been like this before and its scaring me...

    It makes me feel like Im not good enough and there os always some cuter girl..

    When he blamed it on lust it made me more sick..as if he's a victim of it so what does that say about me?? Im less than? He needed that, she incites it aoo much?
    Its a downward spiral...
    and he uses my reaction to be exclusive with him..and I my upset keeps elevating...
    Everything and I mean everything sounds like an excuse...

    and now I cannot concentrate...I cannot eat...
    He got jealous someone was talking with me at a friends house...and was being obnoxious...I guess he said he was flirting with me and my other friends said the same thing..but I ask about this a few days later and he says yes..
    He said he wouldnt care, he'd like whatever person I did...
    So I tell him I get to have a free card and he gets to guess...that its going to happen..and since it hurts me he cant do the same but since it wouldnt hurt him that I do...
    He says no! If he cant I cant...
    but he already has and I tell him thats a double standard...

    and he drags his feet telling me over and over he loves me and that it was not worth it...

    It must have been and she must have been worth it not to tell me when he tells me the other experiences that sucked for him...

    Im getting out of control..I cant seem to think about anything else...

    Is it okay what he did since I said we wherent exclusive? I was waiting to see??
    I dated one other friend soo outside of this circle that he keeps bringing that up...
    Im hurt he brought it around me to see and how he reported other things as being lame in comparison to me...

    Ive lost my shit on him...Im hurt as hell..I have so much else to do but am losing it...

    Part of me wants revenge....
    I want original words from him instead of regurgitating my own.

    Wtf should I do..???
    Ive never wanted revenge before..
    and I know it wont help..

    I wish this was fixable...then I could rest...

    and if I give in do I say its right?
    How can I ever rest again?

    Am I wrong???

    Its like my ex getting ahold of me he still is in love with me...
    Texting me....
    Then finding out theough a third party hes been dating someone else..

    WTF is wrong with this picture???

    WTF do I do...???!!
    Im spiraling down...
    Help me..
     
  2. dtc

    dtc Getting there

    If he's that insensitive to your feelings that he's not noticed his actions are up setting you the way they have, you're probably better off without this relationship.

    Take care
     
    DrownedFishOnFire and Anny44 like this.
  3. Sounds to me like he wants to have his fun but keep you in queue for a fallback position. You are worth much more than that! My thought is don't let him do that to you. Get out there and find someone who wants to be with YOU.

    I know it hurts. I've been hurt, but over time it fades. 6 months ago I was certain the pain would never go away, but it does.

    Hugs
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2017
    Karlski, DrownedFishOnFire and Anny44 like this.
  4. Anny44

    Anny44 Well-Known Member

    Thanks dtc...
    I spoke with him today and after a week seems to get it.
    I thought I should be cool with it because as Ive said, its not official..Im still feeling out what I want..I just felt very insulted to bring her around. It to me said lack of respect, right??
    Or maybe I do need to explain these things....
    When I asked him for an explaination before it was some lame shite about lust...
    No shit...
    I think he seems to get it now..
    Either he is that dense and thought I wouldnt be upset because he told me about a couple other things he said were lame...but this one he said nothing...
    Not that I wanted to hear but he made it seem like I was the best in comparison...
    Something doesnt feel right about this and Im trying to follow this train of thought...
    Is this abusive or just young and clueless??

    He says he gets it now...

    Why cant I seem to let this go??
    Why would someone not be able to let this go??
     
    A guy with feelings likes this.
  5. Anny44

    Anny44 Well-Known Member

    Thanks AGF
    I think so, but as I told dtc, I told him it wasnt official..I needed time to decide things...
    Its the fact he brought her to my house....and I knew her...
    I cant be mad if he's doing other things...but that killed and called into question anything with me...
    And playing clueless...
    then just giving me more details as to why...thats not what I meant...to give me more details..
    He told me about a few other things which he said where hollow...but then didnt tell me this...until I asked..
    And Im thinking how can someone be so dense??

    I hope you did heal well AGF...
    Ive had this happen more than once...
    There has to be good in all of this, right??
     
    A guy with feelings likes this.
  6. There is a saying "a hard D___ has no conscience". This could be coming into play here. Is he young? Sounds like it.
     
  7. dtc

    dtc Getting there

    Unfortunately logic tends not to get much of a run once you've had feelings for someone, but you will get there, it just takes some time.
     
    Anny44 and A guy with feelings like this.
  8. Ain't that the truth?!
     
    dtc likes this.
  9. Anny44

    Anny44 Well-Known Member

    Thats your motto huh? Getting there ;)

    lol, no shit...things got pretty dark tonight...
    very...
     
  10. Anny44

    Anny44 Well-Known Member

    You really think thats true??
    Hey! I have no problem with that if theyre honest...
    Own whatever you are and people will honor you almost fo whatever you are...
    They might not like what you are but theyll respect ya!!
    No reason to lie...ya also get alot more of whatever your flavor is...
    Its almost as if people have an aversion to liars??? Even it would seem...other liars...;)

    So, ya think so??
     
    A guy with feelings likes this.
  11. Innocent Forever

    Innocent Forever Go as long as you can. And then take another step. Chat Pro SF Supporter

    Sending hugs your way.
    If you say you're not boyfriend/girlfriend, and aren't exclusive, it's harder. I'm glad he understands you now though.
    Is there anyone in your life you can vent to about this, to work through your feelings? Coz' it's you it'll hurt, not him...
    (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
     
  12. Anny44

    Anny44 Well-Known Member

    Yes, he does...
    I think....
    I dont know. Id like to find a psychologist that has a good mind for sensing patterns.
    Its good to have emotional support too, I just dont want to continue on a path where I repeat patterns.
    ....or advance them where Im repeating sins of the past in time peroids I had no choice.
    Life is odd that way...
    Its refreshing when someone can bring a fresh perspective to the torrent rapid emotion brings on any part....
    Falling into more advanced forms of reactionary behavior...
    I need to learn to detach healthfully to situations that are fueled to add objectivity...
    Thanks Innocent Forever for the emotional support and reinforcement I need to get that objective source..
    Dont you think life is strange this way?
     
  13. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Screw this. Sorry to be harsh but cut him out of your life. He is screwing with your head on purpose.

    If you were a priority and worth it he would have not done anything to mess up the possibility. You are just his plan B or plan C. He is just playing the field getting his rocks off with no intent of getting tied down.

    Let him go. Plenty of good men out there that would not even think twice about sleeping with someone else if the perfect girl came along. He will move heaven and earth for the perfect one.
     
    Anny44 and A guy with feelings like this.
  14. I would do anything to find mine...
     
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  15. Anny44

    Anny44 Well-Known Member

    Thank you...that sounds about right...
    I know that I would do the same...
    I dont understand it because he was on my ass constantly...
    I feel sick inside because he came on really strong at first and it freaked me out...he attached right away.
    Im still feeling odd about it and I wonder if its my brain noticing incongruity in the patterns subconsciously and then I discover more...
    Or if it is my past influencing my current state of alarm...
    When he would get really pushy and attached immediately I kind of backed off and would run...explaining Im trying to resolidify my life after a 10 year relationship...
    I did date someone else at the beginning..as, Im not very into dating to begin with but I literally asked my parents at this age what people do since I was with my ex since I was 23.
    I wasnt serious about either...if anything I was more freaked out...
    He now brings that up...consistently...
    How I didnt tell him about that...but I didnt feel like I needed to.
    He told me about these two other experiences he had and how he said they where hollow and I thought he was really honest..I decided to give him a chance...and that's when this tryst began. So I didnt feel like it was fair he continued because the second experience included her...
    He said just because he told me about those two doesnt mean he had to tell me everything or all experiences...That we didnt agree on that...
    That I didnt tell him about the other person I was dating...
    But I thought his seeming honesty about the first two was his way of saying he was really in to me...
    So I went off that basis...not telling him I was considering it truthfully because I felt safe...due to his seeming honesty...
    When I found out he keeps throwing the other person I was seeing at the beginning back at me when that was something I didnt think we had to talk about as this is all first phase stuff...

    If Im wrong in any of this tell me...

    But when he showed up with her and it was super apparent...it blew my mind...all I could think was how he said it was soo hollow and how I had directed my emotion after that as him being genuine...
    Also I asked him if he used protection those first two and he said yes..,
    He didnt with her and it seems like a common thing to want to protect someone but he said he believed her (turns out she sleeps around alot but thats not the point)
    He said he believed her..
    He said he found out at least that that was hollow in comparison but at least its more connected with friends...instead of a random person.-(?)
    Wouldnt he know that by now??
    Hes 26...
    I chalked it all up to age...but my alarms are going off...
    She sent me upon my request all their texts and shes blatantly hitting on him and hes reciprocating...
    Concern for her kid..hang out hang out hang out..shes soo mistreated...
    I asked how this is only friends..
    He says I called him only friends and truth, I did...
    I was trying to slow things down...
     
  16. dtc

    dtc Getting there

    Yeah pretty much, just one day at a time, hope things have gotten better.
     
    Anny44 likes this.
  17. Anny44

    Anny44 Well-Known Member

    I feel like kind of an evil person...ishh..
    I was sick of those two and other people getting a poor you for having no self control but more importantly, and the actual issue is putting it on other people why they are out of control and getting love and pity for it...

    So as a tactic move I got hellah wasted and said look at me!! Im in such emotional pain I cant control myself!!
    Hahaha...here, you want me to text anyone who claims we are just friends and tell them how horribly you treat me so theyll come an save me...and one thing thats apparent is anyone who falls for that shit has a thing for me...
    Im out of control!!

    Why do broads get soo much pity in life get fantasized about and theyre soo cute and helpless, all she wants is her kid back!! Thats why she does meth and everything else...people expose this poor delicate creature to this but thats why she just needs love!!
    Why do chicks who pretend to be retarded but they show they really are not get this attention??

    So besides that evil, I also told him that she texted me and just told me she used him for attention...

    and read him the text...

    "I don't want to reflect on it because im a different person. I was broken and insecure and needed validation. I didn't need it from him. I just wanted a friend..."

    So I read that to him...

    So he feels used...

    Is this evil???
     
  18. Anny44

    Anny44 Well-Known Member

    Dtc...yeah, theyre getting better...

    Just the shock and illusion of someone telling me the truth...and half truths..partial truths that only represent part of the truth...

    I know this is human...
    But what is a softer point of view??
    How can I believe??
    I want to understand...

    Anyone ever done something like this?? On his side??
    Why? I want to understand
     
  19. Anny44

    Anny44 Well-Known Member

    He's shocked...
    When thats how he portrayed it to me...

    He finally said he wanted to fuck her and had a crush on her but it was no where near me, how he loves me...

    She had sent me texts they shared and one said she had a figurative boner for him...he said the feeling was mutual...

    Then she says stuff like that to me about she just wanted validation...

    and I read it to him...

    Part of me hopes he suffers from that...he says he feels used....

    I hope that his little illusions make him feel like shit about himself...

    She's with someone else now and I kind of laugh to myself hoping he goes to ask her about her texts to me, I read to him and she tells him straight up that he is a weirdo...

    Part of me feels bad for him because how pathetic do you have to be???

    And yet how dense???

    Can he not draw parallels???

    Part of me wishes I could fast forward this nightmare and meet someone who thinks Im beautiful and worth it..
    Who doesn't have to be babysat for their self worth...


    And Im trying to get out of revenge head...

    Its hard because he is the first person I felt was honest with me..
    I felt respected and beautiful and now I hear everything with a negative twist...

    He lists my faults as beautiful...
    I think this is sterotypical in my head and cheesy...I think he really has my faults at the front of his head and he tells himself they're great and tells me...the same way he says Im not that kind of person when it comes to all of this, trying to convince himself...
    As if he's saying he accepts me for them and loves them because of who I am...

    When something isnt a fault to me in a person, I don't feel I have to list them...

    Am I reading to deep into that??

    But this is what my head says...

    Is it my feminist treat to pay for most things???

    On my board I want someone self sufficient who goes on wild adventures like I do..has intellectual pursuits and a damned sense of humor...

    Who also prides himself so much to play trivial games...

    Its kind of pathetic...

    Is that evil of me to read that to him??

    I dont think Ive ever given in and this just culminated to a point Ive never seen in myself..
    I wonder if I am participating and becoming a monster...

    Where I want to hurt and maim but dishing back what was inflicted and served

    Is that wrong??
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2017
  20. dtc

    dtc Getting there

    It is hard to forgive when you've been treated this way, but when I was finally able to do it after being betrayed by my ex it was much better for me than them.
     
    Anny44 likes this.
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