-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
I'm Not Doing Well
- Thread starter I Love Tomorrow
- Start date
(my post was incomplete when you responded. ) There was a huge amount of pressure on many of them to succeed not just career-wise but in every way. Also people compare themselves to others in their own social circle, so there is constant pressure to keep up. Kids I thought had everything attempted suicide. The wealthy and comfortable merely HIDE their problems better than the poor. From the outside I envied the situations of my well-off friends from outwardly stable families. My closest friend (whom I'm still friends with) was from a comfortable middle-class family and while she most definitely had a better life than me, she had plenty of struggles. Her older sister was (and is still, many years later) an inveterate drug abuser. Her father took very little interest in his daughters, and my friend later regretted that her parents never encouraged her to pursue a career but instead pushed her towards marriage/children and she was unlucky in relationships so wound up with neither. I mean, she never went through many things I did - worrying about making rent, getting deep into debt, and so on. But it's not like she was living some kind of great life either. And even people with great careers (like being a medical doctor - I've known a few) often experience great pressure and stress. While working in my much lesser job, I reminded myself that at least if I made a mistake - nobody died. I cannot imagine the guilt and stress of accidentally killing someone but I heard the distress in their voices when they spoke of this, even years later.
It's not for anyone else to judge the level at which another is struggling even if it seems they have a good life - we cannot feel what they feel or know everything that has happened to them. Some people also have a lower tolerance to stress etc which they can't necessarily do anything about.
We look at someone who seemingly has a good life but we're mainly looking at material things and maybe their relationship. Yes, money is nice but it doesn't stop pain. And relationships can look great from the outside but nobody knows what's going on behind closed doors.
We look at someone who seemingly has a good life but we're mainly looking at material things and maybe their relationship. Yes, money is nice but it doesn't stop pain. And relationships can look great from the outside but nobody knows what's going on behind closed doors.
It's a really good point that we shouldn't judge, and not just because we don't have the whole picture but because such judgments are as toxic to us as they are to those we envy. Nothing will make you unhappier than comparing yourself to others. I do it too - but it's not a great idea. I was certainly very envious of many of my classmates but now that I'm older I realize they went through gruelling things too, not just minor struggles but major ones. Having a severely disabled child, for instance, or one who gets sick and dies, hardly qualifies as being "spoiled." by life. Look at my avatar - you only see a tiny piece of someone else's life.
There's probably not many people who haven't, particularly when they're feeling bad themselves. I know I've done it and yeah, ultimately it just made me feel worse.
I have a cousin who is incredibly wealthy - several houses all around the world, a £10m yacht... He's a really lovely man, doesn't take any of it for granted. But he's been in therapy for years due to childhood abuse from both parents. His son has grown up with all this wealth and has a two year old child with a life limiting illness and a 50% chance of any further children developing it. He and his wife are absolutely devastated. No amount of money can take away the pain of knowing their baby will probably not survive beyond 10 years old or pay for a cure.
I have a cousin who is incredibly wealthy - several houses all around the world, a £10m yacht... He's a really lovely man, doesn't take any of it for granted. But he's been in therapy for years due to childhood abuse from both parents. His son has grown up with all this wealth and has a two year old child with a life limiting illness and a 50% chance of any further children developing it. He and his wife are absolutely devastated. No amount of money can take away the pain of knowing their baby will probably not survive beyond 10 years old or pay for a cure.
Can someone please just tell me it's not all for nothing?
I can't get over the thought of it doesn't matter if I live or die, and that all the good I think I've done in the world is all in vain because doing what's right or morals are subjective to the person who does them. Meaning, everyone has a different definition.
I mean, who decides what's right, what moral is, what truth is, what love is, what justice is, etc? And if every human is biased with so many, sometimes very different definitions, who's right? Is anyone right or wrong, and does it matter anyway? It seems much of life is just making it up as we go along and thinking that we're doing the right thing, when we actually might not be. I need a baseline for what actually is right, wrong, moral, truth, love, justice, etc for me to go on living and feel like I have some self worth in this world, and I don't know where to find it or if it even exists.
I'm tired of this slap fight of a society where we just hate each other for not thinking and acting like we think everyone should. It just seems like a confusing hate fest for no reason and I want out.
I feel like holding on and living through suicidal thought is pointless in the long term. Does it really matter for a better purpose that I didn't succeed at suicide years ago?
I can't get over the thought of it doesn't matter if I live or die, and that all the good I think I've done in the world is all in vain because doing what's right or morals are subjective to the person who does them. Meaning, everyone has a different definition.
I mean, who decides what's right, what moral is, what truth is, what love is, what justice is, etc? And if every human is biased with so many, sometimes very different definitions, who's right? Is anyone right or wrong, and does it matter anyway? It seems much of life is just making it up as we go along and thinking that we're doing the right thing, when we actually might not be. I need a baseline for what actually is right, wrong, moral, truth, love, justice, etc for me to go on living and feel like I have some self worth in this world, and I don't know where to find it or if it even exists.
I'm tired of this slap fight of a society where we just hate each other for not thinking and acting like we think everyone should. It just seems like a confusing hate fest for no reason and I want out.
I feel like holding on and living through suicidal thought is pointless in the long term. Does it really matter for a better purpose that I didn't succeed at suicide years ago?
I don't think a step in the right direction, a good deed, or good thought is ever wasted. Life has all the meaning in the world.
In karma yoga, you try to engage in selfless service, and then accept the result. I think maybe you could be an atheist karma yogi, but I think there's also an element of karma yoga of believing that you are not the doer, but rather allowing your self be a divine instrument.
So I think it's possible that two different people could have completely opposite ideas of what the right thing to do is, but the key thing is that they are both acting with the same attitude of selfless service. Maybe those two people then could have a basis for not seeing each other as enemies even if they have opposite views?
In any case, even though there are clashing opinions, I think most people with good intentions agree about what's right and wrong. Like mostly you wouldn't kill, steal, etc.
I hope you'll be able to find a sense of direction, purpose, peace, or whatever it is that you need but are missing. I can't guarantee that this will happen, but stranger things have happened.
In karma yoga, you try to engage in selfless service, and then accept the result. I think maybe you could be an atheist karma yogi, but I think there's also an element of karma yoga of believing that you are not the doer, but rather allowing your self be a divine instrument.
So I think it's possible that two different people could have completely opposite ideas of what the right thing to do is, but the key thing is that they are both acting with the same attitude of selfless service. Maybe those two people then could have a basis for not seeing each other as enemies even if they have opposite views?
In any case, even though there are clashing opinions, I think most people with good intentions agree about what's right and wrong. Like mostly you wouldn't kill, steal, etc.
I hope you'll be able to find a sense of direction, purpose, peace, or whatever it is that you need but are missing. I can't guarantee that this will happen, but stranger things have happened.
First I just wanted to say thank you for replying to my post and caring. I'm just curious why do you believe life has all the meaning in the world? I'm not trying to say that in a bad way I would just like to hear a different perspective from you or anyone.
I can see that, but the problem is when one of those two people have self-destructive tendencies based on what the other said or does. Example, my religious relatives make me feel like dirt or killing myself when they say I'm going to hell for something out of my control. Although they may believe they're doing the right thing and don't want me to commit suicide, there's still consequences for everything that we say or do, whether it was intentional or not.
Yesterday someone took their life in my area on a public road. I can't say how because it will go against forum rules, but it happens frequently enough that I don't take it well when it happens. It's a suicide method I would not do because it causes a complete stranger to have a very bad day. The news didn't even report it accurately
Anything else I would say right now would probably be considered a suicide note and I know that's not allowed. I wish I could be more helpful to others instead of always being a mess.
I can see that, but the problem is when one of those two people have self-destructive tendencies based on what the other said or does. Example, my religious relatives make me feel like dirt or killing myself when they say I'm going to hell for something out of my control. Although they may believe they're doing the right thing and don't want me to commit suicide, there's still consequences for everything that we say or do, whether it was intentional or not.
Yesterday someone took their life in my area on a public road. I can't say how because it will go against forum rules, but it happens frequently enough that I don't take it well when it happens. It's a suicide method I would not do because it causes a complete stranger to have a very bad day. The news didn't even report it accurately
Anything else I would say right now would probably be considered a suicide note and I know that's not allowed. I wish I could be more helpful to others instead of always being a mess.
You're welcome! 
No matter how much meaning you think life has, it's got all of it. Life contains all the meaning there is.
But I also think that meaning is vast. I guess I'd have to be in the right emotional state to be able to articulate it.
Frankly I think they should modify their views and maybe take more of a "judge not" type of attitude. Yes, they may believe what they are doing is right, but it sounds like they're very much incompatible with you.
Imho, it's ok to bs them, or do whatever it takes to get them off your case.
Understandably so. I'm sorry that this happened and that you became aware of it. I hope there's a way to shield yourself from it.
I think it's a good goal to help others, but it's only a good idea if you can do that in a way that doesn't bring you down, and ideally brings you up. Maybe you'll be able to get to that place eventually.
There was a time when I felt like SF was bringing me down, but something clicked with me one day. I've been able to cultivate a sense of acceptance. That is, I know that suicidal people are out there no matter what I do, and obviously I can't save everyone, but by making some effort, maybe I can bring that little bit of support and caring that someone needs at a critical moment that ends up making all of the difference. Being able to do that for someone is really amazing and awesome, so it makes me really happy when that happens.
I hope that I, or at least somebody can give you what you need to get through.
Sending hugs
No matter how much meaning you think life has, it's got all of it. Life contains all the meaning there is.
But I also think that meaning is vast. I guess I'd have to be in the right emotional state to be able to articulate it.
Frankly I think they should modify their views and maybe take more of a "judge not" type of attitude. Yes, they may believe what they are doing is right, but it sounds like they're very much incompatible with you.
Imho, it's ok to bs them, or do whatever it takes to get them off your case.
Understandably so. I'm sorry that this happened and that you became aware of it. I hope there's a way to shield yourself from it.
I think it's a good goal to help others, but it's only a good idea if you can do that in a way that doesn't bring you down, and ideally brings you up. Maybe you'll be able to get to that place eventually.
There was a time when I felt like SF was bringing me down, but something clicked with me one day. I've been able to cultivate a sense of acceptance. That is, I know that suicidal people are out there no matter what I do, and obviously I can't save everyone, but by making some effort, maybe I can bring that little bit of support and caring that someone needs at a critical moment that ends up making all of the difference. Being able to do that for someone is really amazing and awesome, so it makes me really happy when that happens.
I hope that I, or at least somebody can give you what you need to get through.
Sending hugs
Woah! What? ...This is unbelievable, and it is unreal. I hope you can at least get ahold of yourself, and your faculties, in order to make some sense of all of this. As that was all on her, and her own doing, and nothing at all to do with you! I hope you know... Can be difficult to tell & separate, however, when made to feel so responsible & as though it was all your fault. When clearly, it was not~ / There's seeming to be some wires crossed, or messages mixed in their sending. Some serious misinterpreting of the facts, or other kinds of plethora or infinite number of ways in which one can miscommunicate with another. So don't take it personally, and don't take it to heart. Maybe she was just having a really bad day, took what you'd said to her, absorbed it, and then instead or responding more appropriately, transferred over some other source of pain or frustration onto you? Or, I don't know. But what ever it was, it was a huge misunderstanding. So I'm hoping you can find some ways of staying calm, and keeping grounded. You have us, and please use whatever other resources you may have available to you. And don't hesitate to contact for help, if need be, for we want you to stay safe above all else. No need for even hurting yourself or doing something silly on account of her taking something you'd said the wrong way. Sibling relationship dynamics are, or can be, a nightmare. And very fluid, I have found. I'm sorry yours (your sister) is being so un-/or not- understanding (yea, you can see where my head & mind is at to-night!) . . . with you. You'd like to think that given the nature of things: she would be the one who is a beacon of support for you, and hope. Etc.~ Please just let us know if we can be of any further assistance or help. Even if it's just to continue expressing yourself. So that you can know your voice is being heard. I'm just wishing you didn't have to be stuck in this undesirable situation right now @I Love Tomorrow ! -mr b.
I'll explain the situation. My sister who is four years older than me in many ways is the complete opposite of me personality wise, and it's ALWAYS been that way. In high school we really hated each other, but I mostly hated her because she in many people's eyes was the one who could do no wrong, and for some reason she tried to get me in trouble with my parents every chance she could get.
But she has had bad health problems most of her life, that recently have taken away her independence and quality of life. I in comparison have always dealt with severe depression and suicidal thought/action, but don't have the severe physical health problems that she inherited.
In short, she doesn't understand why someone who for the most part is physically healthy would be so depressed. She doesn't see my pain because it's mostly mental, where as anyone including myself can obviously see her pain because it's on the outside. She wants to live healthy and can't, where as I just want to hold off another suicide attempt as long as I can. She's judging me without knowing what's going on inside of me, and I don't think she wants to understand either which isn't fair.
This is the second time in my life she has told me to kill myself. And the thing that hurts the most when people say that to me is then I start to question, "Well why don't I just kill myself?" because I feel like they're partially right. I have another thread here on SF about the fact much of the reason I stay living is for her, and now that very person I live for tells me to die or that I don't really love them. Can you see why that hurts so much?
It is very hard to have a loving relationship with someone who has the exact opposite belief system that you do, but I believe love is supporting someone anyway even if you don't like it or understand, not just putting someone down or making them feel bad
But she has had bad health problems most of her life, that recently have taken away her independence and quality of life. I in comparison have always dealt with severe depression and suicidal thought/action, but don't have the severe physical health problems that she inherited.
In short, she doesn't understand why someone who for the most part is physically healthy would be so depressed. She doesn't see my pain because it's mostly mental, where as anyone including myself can obviously see her pain because it's on the outside. She wants to live healthy and can't, where as I just want to hold off another suicide attempt as long as I can. She's judging me without knowing what's going on inside of me, and I don't think she wants to understand either which isn't fair.
This is the second time in my life she has told me to kill myself. And the thing that hurts the most when people say that to me is then I start to question, "Well why don't I just kill myself?" because I feel like they're partially right. I have another thread here on SF about the fact much of the reason I stay living is for her, and now that very person I live for tells me to die or that I don't really love them. Can you see why that hurts so much?
It is very hard to have a loving relationship with someone who has the exact opposite belief system that you do, but I believe love is supporting someone anyway even if you don't like it or understand, not just putting someone down or making them feel bad
I think that, she doesn't TRULY MEAN That... And that, probably to over-summarize / over generalize the situation. I'd say that, she doesn't get how your pain can manifest itself, such as - the mental spilling over into the physical. While you, well maybe you do realize this... but it'd be easy to see how someone else in her life, might fail to recognize how the physical ailments with which she's been plagued, can lead to mental problems & troubles as well. Perhaps that is what you'd felt the brunt of, when it reared its ugly head over that phone call when she'd lost control, or blurted something out with out much thinking involved? I would try, if you haven't already, to reason with her by explaining that what you have is a medical, biological condition. That is treated with medication & diagnosed by a medical doctor. This is a disease that affects the brain, an organ, just as is the heart, the lungs, whatever else you want to use for comparison or analogy sake & purposes. Don't expect her to admit any being wrong or incorrect about anything. But maybe, if she hasn't already thought of it that way, or in that perspective. Then perhaps her mindset can soften a little over time. However that is the trouble and tough thing with siblings. You already know it all, and everything there is to know, about the other one. So it can be very easy to fall victim or prey to ...the kind of stubborn mindset & what not towards one another. Best not take yourself out on a whim of something that was said, when she doesn't even know what it is she'd really been meaning to say. She might have meant it about as much as a fed up Mother might say to her misbehaving 5 yr. old child. "I'm going to kill you if you make a mess out of that once again!" Clearly, having no intention of ever - & so it is the feeling, and not the meaning, in other words (or the intention). Hope you're having a good night @I Love Tomorrow : )
I have many times and I think we're beyond that now. I feel something has changed between us, like we've reached a point of no return after trying to make something work that just won't, because it can't.
I think a part of her did, which is why it messes with my mind because I feel it's partially true. She texted me and wants to see a movie tomorrow, but I'm going to say no as I'm still upset and don't know how to handle this correctly yet. I want her to know that she really hurt me this time and that it is not ok in the future to say such things. In short, at this point after all the history we've shared I'm no longer sure if it'd good for me to be around her or for her to be around me. I'm not sure I love her anymore. I feel like I don't want to be a brother anymore, or a son, I don't want to be anything. I just want this whole ugly situation called life to be over. What's next, I get into a fight with my mother? If so I don't want to live to see it
I think a part of her did, which is why it messes with my mind because I feel it's partially true. She texted me and wants to see a movie tomorrow, but I'm going to say no as I'm still upset and don't know how to handle this correctly yet. I want her to know that she really hurt me this time and that it is not ok in the future to say such things. In short, at this point after all the history we've shared I'm no longer sure if it'd good for me to be around her or for her to be around me. I'm not sure I love her anymore. I feel like I don't want to be a brother anymore, or a son, I don't want to be anything. I just want this whole ugly situation called life to be over. What's next, I get into a fight with my mother? If so I don't want to live to see it
There's an old saying, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" that I will use here. I agree that most people including myself can have good intentions on the surface, but I believe that part of human nature is being able to negotiate morals in some of the horrible situations we face in this life time. Suppose a group of killers comes up to a family and says, "We can either kill you all, or spare you but take one of your children instead." Some would choose to be killed, and others would choose to give up one of their children in exchange for their life. Who would be morally wrong in this situation, because both views could be seen as right? Same situation in a war; Some support war and justify it's killing because they are supporting what they believe in. Anti war people give their argument that any killing is wrong and can't be justified. Well who's right? Both of them, none of them, some of them, and by who's standards?
My point is this; all I see is a world of one person put against another in situations we neither created or have complete control over, and I'm tired of it. I want none of the above, which I see that I only achieve through death. In the United States later this year we are going to have another presidential election that I guarantee will include some societal fireworks. Those on the left will say, "Those scumbags on the right are the devil" and those on the right will say the same thing about them. Hate, fight, hate. And I want nothing to do with any of it which is something I figured out at the age of fifteen.
To anyone reading, see I'm not trying to start a debate of who is right or wrong in societal debates. What I'm saying is by the nature of who we and this place is, an ongoing fight is inevitable as long as humans exist. I believe by it's very design, it's meant to tear us apart until there's nothing left to destroy. And if you chose to ignore it or look the other way, than you still have made that choice; you're forced to decide about things that aren't good for you. Am I making any sense here to anyone, can you see why I don't want to be apart of this and looks towards death as an escape?
My point is this; all I see is a world of one person put against another in situations we neither created or have complete control over, and I'm tired of it. I want none of the above, which I see that I only achieve through death. In the United States later this year we are going to have another presidential election that I guarantee will include some societal fireworks. Those on the left will say, "Those scumbags on the right are the devil" and those on the right will say the same thing about them. Hate, fight, hate. And I want nothing to do with any of it which is something I figured out at the age of fifteen.
To anyone reading, see I'm not trying to start a debate of who is right or wrong in societal debates. What I'm saying is by the nature of who we and this place is, an ongoing fight is inevitable as long as humans exist. I believe by it's very design, it's meant to tear us apart until there's nothing left to destroy. And if you chose to ignore it or look the other way, than you still have made that choice; you're forced to decide about things that aren't good for you. Am I making any sense here to anyone, can you see why I don't want to be apart of this and looks towards death as an escape?
I understand.
Do you think that she is, or that this is... sort of, her way of "Apologizing," then? Like, we'll just go out & do this (one little activity) & we can act as if nothing ever even happened. And just by us being to-gether, as if all is normal, then that will mean all is well, too (or as well)? Or does she seem the time to want to talk about it, and maybe even express some genuine remorse, try to explain her self & thus/then - I dare say, 'Apologize?' Or is "I'm sorry," against her M. O. w/You? Do you feel. . . You don't have have to answer any of these/or any of this; as it's just more me, 'thinking out loud.' Perhaps something will pop into your head that wasn't there before. But if it doesn't, then I'm sorry if I have wasted your time. I'm sorry your Sister has taken you for granted & treated you this way, like dirt, and as if you don't deserve to live. I will trust you & your read on this one: the situation, & the fact that, she did very well mean the words she'd spoken, or said. And NO- I hope you r Mom, doesn't 'Join-in,' on ~the action*. :/ Try & forget them, as best you can, for now... or at least that's what I might try & do. Like that Shark Tnak guy always saiys, "You're DEAT to me!" ;D of course, this can always be RE-Tracted, at any moment or tijme, but if it helps heal & forget or forgive - I dunno... I guesw it edepends how you or your mind works (best)! Take care, & sorry i'm burnign anoth er pizeq. ;/
Do you think that she is, or that this is... sort of, her way of "Apologizing," then? Like, we'll just go out & do this (one little activity) & we can act as if nothing ever even happened. And just by us being to-gether, as if all is normal, then that will mean all is well, too (or as well)? Or does she seem the time to want to talk about it, and maybe even express some genuine remorse, try to explain her self & thus/then - I dare say, 'Apologize?' Or is "I'm sorry," against her M. O. w/You? Do you feel. . . You don't have have to answer any of these/or any of this; as it's just more me, 'thinking out loud.' Perhaps something will pop into your head that wasn't there before. But if it doesn't, then I'm sorry if I have wasted your time. I'm sorry your Sister has taken you for granted & treated you this way, like dirt, and as if you don't deserve to live. I will trust you & your read on this one: the situation, & the fact that, she did very well mean the words she'd spoken, or said. And NO- I hope you r Mom, doesn't 'Join-in,' on ~the action*. :/ Try & forget them, as best you can, for now... or at least that's what I might try & do. Like that Shark Tnak guy always saiys, "You're DEAT to me!" ;D of course, this can always be RE-Tracted, at any moment or tijme, but if it helps heal & forget or forgive - I dunno... I guesw it edepends how you or your mind works (best)! Take care, & sorry i'm burnign anoth er pizeq. ;/