im not okay and i don't think i ever will be

[MoonlightFirefly]

It's been months since I've posted on here... I think life won't ever get better for me. I stopped taking my antidepressants, they've seemed to not help me whatsoever, so what's the point? A few days ago, my fur baby, who was seemingly healthy, passed away and it has just destroyed me. She was the only reason I was holding on to life, but now that she's gone, I'm all alone. I really don't have nothing to live for. I also lost my job thru my university due to me physically unable to get out of my bed, I feel so worthless. I've been running around looking for a job, but my campus is literally in the middle of nowhere. It resulted in my having to do a bunch of questionable things just to be able to get money to simply survive. I....have no self-worth. I truly hate myself. I just wish I could simply enjoy life...I want to be happy...

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I'm so sorry you lost your fur baby. Please be gentle with yourself right now and try to focus on each day rather than making big decisions right now. Glad you are posting here for support. We are here for you

 

[Road to Nowhere]

It's been months since I've posted on here... I think life won't ever get better for me. I stopped taking my antidepressants, they've seemed to not help me whatsoever, so what's the point? A few days ago, my fur baby, who was seemingly healthy, passed away and it has just destroyed me. She was the only reason I was holding on to life, but now that she's gone, I'm all alone. I really don't have nothing to live for. I also lost my job thru my university due to me physically unable to get out of my bed, I feel so worthless. I've been running around looking for a job, but my campus is literally in the middle of nowhere. It resulted in my having to do a bunch of questionable things just to be able to get money to simply survive. I....have no self-worth. I truly hate myself. I just wish I could simply enjoy life...I want to be happy...

 

[Livelife]

It's been months since I've posted on here... I think life won't ever get better for me. I stopped taking my antidepressants, they've seemed to not help me whatsoever, so what's the point? A few days ago, my fur baby, who was seemingly healthy, passed away and it has just destroyed me. She was the only reason I was holding on to life, but now that she's gone, I'm all alone. I really don't have nothing to live for. I also lost my job thru my university due to me physically unable to get out of my bed, I feel so worthless. I've been running around looking for a job, but my campus is literally in the middle of nowhere. It resulted in my having to do a bunch of questionable things just to be able to get money to simply survive. I....have no self-worth. I truly hate myself. I just wish I could simply enjoy life...I want to be happy...

Sorry to hear of your dog? cat? passing. It's understandable the hole that that leaves in one's world.

 

[Dalida]

It's been months since I've posted on here... I think life won't ever get better for me. I stopped taking my antidepressants, they've seemed to not help me whatsoever, so what's the point? A few days ago, my fur baby, who was seemingly healthy, passed away and it has just destroyed me. She was the only reason I was holding on to life, but now that she's gone, I'm all alone. I really don't have nothing to live for. I also lost my job thru my university due to me physically unable to get out of my bed, I feel so worthless. I've been running around looking for a job, but my campus is literally in the middle of nowhere. It resulted in my having to do a bunch of questionable things just to be able to get money to simply survive. I....have no self-worth. I truly hate myself. I just wish I could simply enjoy life...I want to be happy...

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through. The death of a fur baby is crushing. I'm sure that's turned your world upside-down. I can't imagine, especially just after losing your job. It sounds like you're in crisis, so I'm so glad you reached out here.

 

[sadhart]

I'm sorry for the loss of you experienced.

 

[MisterBGone]

It's been months since I've posted on here... I think life won't ever get better for me. I stopped taking my antidepressants, they've seemed to not help me whatsoever, so what's the point? A few days ago, my fur baby, who was seemingly healthy, passed away and it has just destroyed me. She was the only reason I was holding on to life, but now that she's gone, I'm all alone. I really don't have nothing to live for. I also lost my job thru my university due to me physically unable to get out of my bed, I feel so worthless. I've been running around looking for a job, but my campus is literally in the middle of nowhere. It resulted in my having to do a bunch of questionable things just to be able to get money to simply survive. I....have no self-worth. I truly hate myself. I just wish I could simply enjoy life...I want to be happy...

Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss. A pet can hurt the greatest, I have found, in my long-time on this planet. . . but what I was also wondering about, just moving forward / well, one-thing I'd guess, does your school have any sort of work-study program?

Or have you already looked into that, and not deemed it a good idea or fit? Or perhaps you don't qualify due to financial aid, or something else. Or perhaps the rules of the game have changed in the eons it's been since I was on a college campus, for good?

Would there be any means to work an online gig? Or (maybe) a delivery-driver of some variety & type (one in which you'd approve)? This is of course, assuming you've got a car, or another vehicle. . . Is there any way you could start taking your medications again? Do you think you might feel better if you did? I know it's hard when you've lost all meaning & reason in life.

But let's just say that's an objective fact; which, it isn't, if anything subjective - but even that can be argued... When you end things by saying, "~I just wish I could simply enjoy life... I want to be happy..." (that might be one great way to start, that would help?)

 

[MisterBGone]

Ok, I just re-read that again. Have you been on your AD's for long? And if not, might you be able to start them up again? And if not, talk to your prescriber about getting an alternative, or different option or medication? I don't know how many you've tried, but there are a ton. . .

So, I'm sure you're aware that some of them take awhile to get revved up & get going/or working for you. Because it takes time for them to be built up in the blood (I think..?)~

And was the physically being unable to get out of bed, due to the mental anguish, and pain & suffering, that had befallen you as a result of losing your loving & devoted 'fur baby?'

And Lastly, just because you "think," or feel that life won't ever get/or be better for you (in the future) does not make it so. That or it - is not a concrete fact. Though I know, it can feel like one, especially when in the crux & the throes of what you've been dealing with in the here & the now. You're in the midst of a storm of grief, and all the devastation that-that can bring~ // so it will take some time, a good long while perhaps, if I'm at all being honest, in order to process some of this (for most). It's ok to feel this way for now, but that doesn't mean it will always feel that way, or feel that way indefinitely. It just seems so.

 

[KM76710]

Sad to hear how things have been and are going, and tough news about the loss of your pet family, they are always loved and missed...

 

[Marga]

So sorry about the loss of your pet. I have 2 cats and they are so important to me. I understand your feelings. I know it's hard, I tend loath myself, but try to forgive yourself for the "questinable things" you did, as you say.

 

[Survivorist]

@MoonlightFirefly
I am very sorry for your loss. I recall that an older man in our village were I grew up shot the person, who killed his dog in a car accident. He was a medical doctor. Loss is always the hardest thing in our life - and I think all of us here had similar experiences. But what is more important that you try not to let yourself go. If a medication (antidepressiva) does not help, the doctor prescribed something wrong. This should be corrected. As for the things you did to get some money - nobody will think less of you. I have done similar things - in my young years I was even sexually "misused" from a female doctor - I was 23 she 65: sexual favors for Morphine. All this is a long time ago now - and I still have made my life. So, heads up - do not give up, you are way to young and do not know what lies ahead. If I were you - sit down and make a reasonable plan, how to get money. Small job.... I wish that you find the strength to get up.