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Im not sure

Wikus

Well-Known Member
#1
So when I was about 8, I used to cycle between my real home and my godmothers home when my mom was working (nurse-12 hour shifts). My godmother has an adopted son roughly 5/6 years older and we used to sleep in the same room. On one particular night I went to sleep as usual, fell asleep and then whilst half asleep I remember *could trigger* something in my mouth and then a while later my privates in his. I have been trying to figger out for a long ass time if that can even be considered rape/sexual assault or whatever. Im not sure if I jut couldnt understand what went on in that moment or what but I didnt seem phased by it at all. I have told my mom about it and someone gave her advice which was to not do anything until I show any signs of trauma. Im fighting mental illness today and im not sure where it stems from. Even now Im not really phased thinking about what happened that day but I cant pinpoint the root. So what do you guys think?
 

Auri

🎸🎼Rock Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#2
Hey sweetie. This is a very hard thing to go through as a child, and I understand why it can be confusing. You were a child and you had no idea what was happening, and there is no such thing as consent or desire when you're a child. It was not your fault. Children don't know anything about sex, what it entails and how it could affect their lives, so they are never to be held accountable for any sexual interaction they're involved in. Most children trust the adult, or the older child "who knows better", they may believe it's a game or that everyone does it, that it's normal. A child's agreement or even enjoyment does not matter, it simply should never ever happen to them, and it most often has terrible consequences on their future lives. So you don't have to justify yourself in any way for this, ok?

Your godmother's son was 13-14, the age boys get interested in sexuality. It is hard to hold him responsible because he's definitely not mature enough for sex either. Surely he should have known better at that age than to force an 8yo. Apparently he knew enough about the mechanics of sex, but I can't deny the lack of sexual education. The adults around him were there to educate him about sex, about consent and desire, about what he can do at his age, and what is right and wrong. This is what it can lead to when parents/schools refuse to talk about sexuality until children are way older. Boys (and girls) should know that killing is bad, stealing is bad, lying is bad... and sex without consent and desire is bad too, but they're never told that.
Now, for that reasons, it is possible that your godmother's son has to face his own horrible feelings towards that event nowadays, we don't know how he feels, but in any case, this didn't make him a bad person back then and I'd argue that he didn't know what he was doing himself.

Trauma is a complicated thing. Every moment in our lives affects us somehow, and you don't necessarily have to experience the worst and most obvious symptoms after a traumatic event, but perhaps it does affect you on a deeper level, more subtly. I think it's always worth talking with a specialized therapist to understand your feelings back then, how it affects you today and what you can do to find peace.

I'll repeat it once again because I know it's hard to believe, despite being so obvious : it was not your fault and you did nothing wrong there. I'm really sorry you went through this. Sending much love and hugs. *hug
 

JDot

J to the Dizzle O to the Tizzle
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
Whether or not your mental illness stems from that one event is hard to know. I think a therapist might help you process that. You say this event isn't phasing you. This might be some kind of defense mechanism. Or it could mean the cause of you mental illness is elsewhere.
 

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