I am currently in a very difficult relationship. We got together very quickly and things escalated very quickly. The issues started maybe when we were about 4 or 5 months into the relationship. He hit hard times as he lost his job supporting me through a mental breakdown. I took out a credit card to help support him financially as we weren't living together at the time. It really was innocent t and a short term thing. We both maxed out the credit card spending it in stupid shit. Both of our faults. However, he hit a bad patch then started blaming me for it all. He wasn't physically aggressive towards me but he was verbally aggressive. Said why was I struggling with money and where was it all going. Literally all my money was going on bills. I had to show him my bank account to prove where my money was going. He was very verbally aggressive towards me and said a load of hurtful stuff. He was drinking heavily and one night he scared me. I left and went to stay with my parents.
After that things got better and we sorted our finances out. Things were good for a few months until he quit his job in October. He hasn't managed to keep a job since. Coincidentally I had a severe psychotic breakdown and have been off work since October. I was in full pay for 6 months so finances were okay for a while. In January I got admitted to hospital for psychotic depression. Before I went in I gave my credit card to him which only had £300 spent on it for xmas presents and a few household things I needed which would have been easy to pay off. Anyway I gave it to him so he could buy necessities, pet food and food shopping. I thought it was only going to be for a month or so until he got a job. Wrong. He is still out of work now. He spent my entire credit card on god knows what. Takeaways, gaming and a load of other crap that I cant tell what it is on my statement. But as I was ill I never looked at my statement. I trusted him. Whilst on the ward I talked a lot about finances as it worried me. I also described the relationship. Bf would say he couldn't come see me in hospital unless I gave him money. He wanted money for this, money for that etc I never told the staff to slag him off I was just explaining the situation and why it worried me. The staff discussed it amongst themselves and decided it was financial and emotional abuse and did a safeguarding referral to social services. I didn't want it doing hut they did it anyway as they felt I was extremely vulnerable. With their help I managed to fer my credit card back but the damage was done. Since I have been out of hospital the relationship isn't great.
I have spoken to several professionals about the situation, all who say this is domestic abuse. I have even been given resources to get help and support for domestic abuse. But I just do not see it. I don't feel like it is. I feel like I made a stupid decision and my bf just let things spiral out of control as he is not working and not eligible for any benefits. But I am in severe financial difficulty now. Bills are not being paid. I cant feed myself. I have one meal a day which is normally frozen chips, beans on toast or pasta. I am in half pay now. I just do not get paid enough right now to pay for all the Bill's a d debt I have. Everything is in my name. He even sweet talked me into taking out another loan to pay for his debts.
I don't know. Is it abuse??
After that things got better and we sorted our finances out. Things were good for a few months until he quit his job in October. He hasn't managed to keep a job since. Coincidentally I had a severe psychotic breakdown and have been off work since October. I was in full pay for 6 months so finances were okay for a while. In January I got admitted to hospital for psychotic depression. Before I went in I gave my credit card to him which only had £300 spent on it for xmas presents and a few household things I needed which would have been easy to pay off. Anyway I gave it to him so he could buy necessities, pet food and food shopping. I thought it was only going to be for a month or so until he got a job. Wrong. He is still out of work now. He spent my entire credit card on god knows what. Takeaways, gaming and a load of other crap that I cant tell what it is on my statement. But as I was ill I never looked at my statement. I trusted him. Whilst on the ward I talked a lot about finances as it worried me. I also described the relationship. Bf would say he couldn't come see me in hospital unless I gave him money. He wanted money for this, money for that etc I never told the staff to slag him off I was just explaining the situation and why it worried me. The staff discussed it amongst themselves and decided it was financial and emotional abuse and did a safeguarding referral to social services. I didn't want it doing hut they did it anyway as they felt I was extremely vulnerable. With their help I managed to fer my credit card back but the damage was done. Since I have been out of hospital the relationship isn't great.
I have spoken to several professionals about the situation, all who say this is domestic abuse. I have even been given resources to get help and support for domestic abuse. But I just do not see it. I don't feel like it is. I feel like I made a stupid decision and my bf just let things spiral out of control as he is not working and not eligible for any benefits. But I am in severe financial difficulty now. Bills are not being paid. I cant feed myself. I have one meal a day which is normally frozen chips, beans on toast or pasta. I am in half pay now. I just do not get paid enough right now to pay for all the Bill's a d debt I have. Everything is in my name. He even sweet talked me into taking out another loan to pay for his debts.
I don't know. Is it abuse??