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It’s really painful

I am married less than a year ago. I met my husband online and we dated for 1 year and everything was beautiful until we have decided to get married. He was so kind to his mom and friends around him. Everybody likes him. However, after I moved in his true colors showed. Many name callings, there were at times he wanted to hit me, many broken items and there were two times he deliberately spilled water on me. I am always stupid and idiotic in front of him. He constantly says that my parents spoiled me or they were malnutrisious when they have me. When he is happy everything was good, but you just don’t know when he gets angry. He would pick on you on everything: my voice tone, not obedient, or the way I clean up the house etc. I have to admit I do make mistakes as I am new to the marriage. He constantly orders me to work even I have clean the house for 8 hours and if I ask for his help he will start his verbal violence. If verbal violence doesn’t help sometime he would be physical like pushing me or grabbing and he even twisted my wrist one time that I had to wear cast and I still had to do housework....I am very tired to guess his mind because everytime I don’t guess it right I become a mistake and it turns into horrible name calling or threat of divorce. I have begged him to stop but he just doesn’t know when to stop. I can’t ask questions.....if I ask why for more than 3 times he would get angry and if I ask further he would start threatening me by breaking things. I have already lost 3 phones, one tablet, and many more household items. Everytime I tried to reason with him I will get into trouble and I am always wrong. I am really depressed and having many suicidal thoughts and I shouldn’t because I am a Christian. There is nothing I can do...
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Well-Known Member
You need to get out of that marriage or relationship as soon as possible you are been abused. My mom was abused her whole life like that and she always stayed for reasons I can't understand. You are worth so much more than that, do not put your worth in a man that will hurt you. Put your worth in the strength and courage you have and never let anyone take that away from you


Well-Known Member
@JayJay1234567 I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. You are not at fault and his behaviour is not reasonable so reasoning is not going to work. Marriage is an equal partnership, but he seems to want a slave. You don't mention children so you do need to leave now before it gets any more difficult. Please don't make the mistake of wasting any more time hoping he will see your worth, you will waste years of your life and have no confidence left. I've recommended to a few people already a channel on Youtube called Surviving Narcissism by Dr Les Carter and I highly recommend you watch it because you need to know how to deal with this man. He only wants an obedient punching bag. Please for your sake, be brave and find a way to leave asap. We are always here for you to talk and to be listened to.
Sorry that you are going through this JayJay

If verbal violence doesn’t help sometime he would be physical like pushing me or grabbing and he even twisted my wrist one time that I had to wear cast and I still had to do housework...
He has no right to do these things.

It sounds like he is very much an abuser, both verbally and physically

www.hotpeachpages.net has a world-wide directory of domestic abuse and violence resources. They may be able to help you.

Getting out of a relationship with this guy sounds like the best thing. I don't know if there is any hope of reforming him.

I hope that something can help!


Not staff. Freyja with a j.
SF Supporter
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You know you don't have to put up with him? You should prioritize your safety and your health. Please try not finding excuses for him, because there are none for any of the things he's doing to you.

We're here to support you any time.


Well-Known Member
Hi JayJay,

Your husband sounds like a horrible person. No one deserves what you going through. But I also know that in some cultures/countries for a woman it is very hard (by law or by moral standards of the society) or even practically impossible to divorce her husband.
Have you any close family or close friend you can ask for help?

Were all together

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
Doesn't matter your religion. You need to get away from him asap. Stay with family or friends. But, you need to leave. And, do not go back, even if he begs for forgiveness. You're dealing with a monster. And, nothing will stop him.

absured angel

Well-Known Member
It would be a good idea to leave. I've been through the same situation and it feels like you can't leave and he will tell you you can't or that you have no one. But if you have friends or family then please let them know and if you can stay with them then please do so. It is very difficult to leave and the excuses will always be there but you do need to be safe. Take a friend with you to get your things or even ask the cops to help if you don't feel safe in your home. All the really good going well times will not make up for the physical or emotional trauma he will put on you. Personally im working through the abuse in therapy.
Yes, also agree you have to get out of this situation as soon as you can. Do you have family or close friends you could live with whilst this is being sorted out? DO NOT feel guilty because your feeling suicidal. It's a natural response when our emotional pain outweighs our coping abilities. You can get through this. Sending you my love.

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