It's over

[kikin]

I can't do this anymore. I have no reason to stay alive anymore. I don't want to live in this world, I am scared. My future is destined for despair, and it's not just my brain thinking it, or a feeling. It is, and forever will. I'm gonna lose all my friends, family, everyone around me. I can't take this life anymore. Why should I want to live in a world where my privacy isn't seen as a right? I'm done. Done
I'll forever live in regret, sorrow, and despair. My stupid actions as a teen ruined my life
I'll do it soon. No one can, or will stop me

 

[1Lefty]

I just wanted to say that I read your post. I'm sorry that you're in such pain.
I hope you'll stick around, we care about you

peace

 

[seabird]

I'm sorry @kikin

I wish you'd stay but I understand wanting to have some control. Maybe it's not the end even though changes happening are scary.

 

[another world]

You've mentioned things like autism/aspergers and OCD in other posts. Are they a big issue for you at the moment?

 

[may71]

Sending hugs if you would like hugs

 

[kikin]

You've mentioned things like autism/aspergers and OCD in other posts. Are they a big issue for you at the moment?

I feel like it is sometimes. I feel so burnt out from everything, and I can never explain how I feel, not even to myself. I would like to explain everything, but I really just can't

 

[MyGirlyGirl]

I'm extremely suisidal these days too. The only thing stops me is that I don't know how to do it, so I won't survive. I'm afraid of a botched suiside attempt more than death.

 

[another world]

I feel like it is sometimes. I feel so burnt out from everything, and I can never explain how I feel, not even to myself. I would like to explain everything, but I really just can't

Talking about feelings can certainly be a problem for many neurodiverse people.

I was listening to a podcast the other day with Daniel Jones, who has autism, ADHD... maybe dyscalculia? He also suffered from OCD, but I don't think he suffers much from it anymore, I've heard of that happening. Anyway he said the OCD was the worst thing he's had.

Apparently there are benefits to getting a diagnosis or two, if you haven't already. Not so much in my case as I have something of a phobia of doing things like that, due to past experiences. I did get a diagnosis that begins with "dys", but I don't find it particularly helpful in my case and I have a bad memory or two associated with the whole thing (not getting diagnosed, but something that happened not too long afterwards). I'm not really selling the diagnosis stuff, am I? lol

I hope you feel a bit better soon anyway.

 

[Dude111]

I can't do this anymore. I have no reason to stay alive anymore. I don't want to live in this world, I am scared

I hear ya.I know how you feel... The world is a piece of shit now.. I wasnt born in this hell hole.. When I was born the world was a beautiful place still...

 

[kikin]

I hear ya.I know how you feel... The world is a piece of shit now.. I wasnt born in this hell hole.. When I was born the world was a beautiful place still...

In my opinion; The world isn't a piece of shit now, big brother just stopped caring to hide it

 

[AlleyKat<3]

I'm extremely suisidal these days too. The only thing stops me is that I don't know how to do it, so I won't survive. I'm afraid of a botched suiside attempt more than death.

Same here. I am a 46 year old that has had idealations since I was 6 years old. I've had a hard life, lack of childhood. I ended up in a 21 year relationship with a psychologically abusive man. We have 2 kids and I have one from a prior relationship. I have tried to make friends, but none stick around and he gets jealous. I'm just tired. But I am afraid too of a bitched suicide. My kids are 17, 21, and 25. I have failed to create a safe stable home.

 

[MyGirlyGirl]

Same here. I am a 46 year old that has had idealations since I was 6 years old. I've had a hard life, lack of childhood. I ended up in a 21 year relationship with a psychologically abusive man. We have 2 kids and I have one from a prior relationship. I have tried to make friends, but none stick around and he gets jealous. I'm just tired. But I am afraid too of a bitched suicide. My kids are 17, 21, and 25. I have failed to create a safe stable home.

You're not a failure. You're important and worthy. You ended an abusive relationship and that's a huge success. I've been living with abusive, crazy, super religious and super controlling parents my whole life. I don't have the courage to leave, I'm afraid they will come after me and do something horrible to me. I'm afraid of their reaction.
I'm afraid of botched suicides and surviving with a very hard physical condition too. I don't have the courage. I don't want to end up with an illness that'll make me weak in front of my abusers. I want to stay strong, healthy to beat them