I've messed up something I never even had..

[cdub]

I've been feeling like crap lately.

Here's the deal, an old friend of mine from high school got married last weekend. And I turned into a total idiot at the reception.

There was a girl there that I've known for some time. She's quite a bit younger than me (but legal mind you). Anyway her family and my family are good friends. And we always have a good time whenever our families get together.

I was really excited thinking about the weekend because I knew I was going to see her. And it seems that at every wedding I'm at and she's at we always end up dancing and having a good time. So low and behold we end up dancing again at this wedding. At this time I am very drunk, and I'm not sure how far gone she is. I end up telling her that I like her but never asking her out, which was my sole intention. I guess I just figured I would have the opportunity to tell her later that night.

I don't remember very many details after that. The dance ended and a bunch of us left the reception together including her, and we all went to a bar down the street for a bit. I remember being in the bar and barely being able to stand, almost falling over the whole time. Anyway, I end up walking back to the hotel w/ one of her cousins (I think), and I proceed to tell him how I hate my life and how I constantly think about suicide although I know it is not the answer. I have no recollection of getting back to my hotel room, althought it was on the 9th floor!

Then I remeber waking up in the morning and slowly remembering the preceeding night's events. I remember being in my hotel room bawling, banging my head off walls and telling this guy how I came home to my parents house one night from a bar and just sitting in their garage w/ my dad's old shotgun and crying. Or how about a week ago, I came home from the gym, sat on my bed and cried (I wasn't drinking on this night).

Now I know in many of these instances drinking is involved. But this is on the weekends only. I never drink during the week. I guess it's just kind of left over from my college days. I was also drinking shots on saturday (and I do not hold hard liquor well at all, beer is a little different story).

So anyway, I 've made a decision to never drink hard liqour again. I've also decided that wedding receptions and other big parties like that are no invitation to just get plastered. I wanted to have a good time with old friends and possibly some new friends saturday, but I ruined that by just getting all out piss drunk. So I will continue to drink beer, but I have set a TWO DRINK minimum for myself now WHENEVER AND WHERE EVER I go out. I was going to just quit drinking all together. But I don't think I'm ready for that nor is it the answer for me personally at least not at this stage in my life anyway.

Thank you for reading this far. I just really had to get this off my chest, even if no one reads this or offers advice. But my main question is, do you think there is anyway I could still pursue this girl? We've always had a lot of good times in the past, just joking around and hanging out. Do you think I blew any potential opportunity by not directly asking her out then/there on the dance floor, and also for my sloppy bar etiquitte, and god forbid she hears the things I said about suicide.

Now I know I've got problems/issues. But who doesn't? I know I need to get things straight w/ myself before I open up to anyone else, but do you guys see any hope here? Or have I once again destroyed anything remotely positive in my life? I feel horrible because I really wanted to ask her out, but it seems I've struck out before I've even got to the plate on this one. Another thing that will suck is I'll have to see her again in the future b/c her family has been getting together w/ my family on thanksgiving the last few years. If she was just some girl that I didn't know before, I would feel as bad, but I really liked her, and I'll see her again.

I know I will see her again, I'll see my cousin for sure on christmas eve who is close friends w/ her, and I know my cousin will confront me about my crush. I have no idea what to say here? Should I lie and say I don't remeber telling her that I liked her, and that I only remember very little after that (like stumbling in the bar, but none of the suicide talk). Or should I just laugh it off and blame it on the alcohol.

Thanks to anyone who decides to delve inside my warped twisted mind. Thank you.

 

[Terry]

Very casually ask her to a movie or a meal. If she's interested she'll accept the invite. If she's not, at least you'll know.

 

[cdub]

Thanks devasted. I usually don't get to wrapped in blowing things w/ girls, because some woman can be flakey, so a man has to be use to rejection. I'll try, but I won't stay down even if this one doesn't go anywhere. Thanks.

 

[~CazzaAngel~]

Very casually ask her to a movie or a meal. If she's interested she'll accept the invite. If she's not, at least you'll know.

Yeah, I agree with Terry. that's a good Idea I think.



Good luck!!!


:hug:

 

[cdub]

Thanks I think I'll tell my cousin the truth. That yes, I do remember telling her I like her, and that I was going to ask her out, but I got to drunk to stand let alone talk to anyone.

I was a mess saturday night, and I never want to get that way again. I just hope she doesn't hear about my hotel talk w/ her cousin, or judge me soley on my demeanor in the bar. If anyone brings up the hotel or bar to me, I just claim I don't remember, which is partially true, b/c I don't remember most of it. It was a wedding reception, and people do tend to get sloppy drunk at times at these things.

Just when I feel like I'm starting to turn the corner socially in relationships and with depression I do something idotic and bring myself down even more.

Thanks.

 

[Forgotten_Man]

Well lots of drinking will do that too you. I remember the first time I woke up after a night of drinking where there were lots of black spots in my memory and I swore to never drink again. And I have not let even one drop of alcohol into my mouth.

As for this girl well what do you have to lose? I mean asking her out could complicate things with your friendship. Maybe just hang out with her and when you get your nerve back ask her out again. Hey maybe some other female will come along and you will fixate on her... :laugh:

But you came to the right realization. Social drinking is fine but anything beyond that is wrong. Me I hate the taste of booze so I do not drink it. A big party or a reception is a time to celebrate. But celebration does not mean getting plastered.

Just keep in mind we all make mistakes, but do not be like me and be afraid to make them.

 

[cdub]

Thanks forgotten man. I really appreciate your words and also the words from others on here. I have good friends, but not very many close friends anymore. Most of them are married or moved away so it's harder to talk to them.

I really like this girl but I feel really bad about that saturday night. It was supposed to be a night to remember with old friends and maybe even start some newer relationships. But I feel that I destroyed any possiblity with this girl for now she sees me as I truely am, a social and psychological mess.

Alot of times I just feel that I have no one to talk to. I think that it would really help, for me to be able to let someone new into my life.

Again thanks for help. It was actually somewhat of a very minor success for me even though I feel it blew up in my face. Because I was able to take some risk and let her know about how I feel. I'm taking small steps to get my life where I want it to be. I know you can to forgotten man. Thanks again.

 

[Forgotten_Man]

Thanks forgotten man. I really appreciate your words and also the words from others on here. I have good friends, but not very many close friends anymore. Most of them are married or moved away so it's harder to talk to them.

I really like this girl but I feel really bad about that saturday night. It was supposed to be a night to remember with old friends and maybe even start some newer relationships. But I feel that I destroyed any possiblity with this girl for now she sees me as I truely am, a social and psychological mess.

Alot of times I just feel that I have no one to talk to. I think that it would really help, for me to be able to let someone new into my life.

Again thanks for help. It was actually somewhat of a very minor success for me even though I feel it blew up in my face. Because I was able to take some risk and let her know about how I feel. I'm taking small steps to get my life where I want it to be. I know you can to forgotten man. Thanks again.

Hmmm well you feel that you screwed things up or you know? There is a difference, so why not confirm your feelings. I mean you are obviously stronger at this than I. I mean I hide under the excuse that if a female does not interact with me on her own she is not interested in me.

Married friends are always hard to talk too. I have one friend who is practially married and it really sucks knowing that he is fixated on his girlfriend. And that I will always be number 2, espically in his case. That is why I come to the net the last safe place for me to get advice.

I hope you find what you are looking for. I mean you already took one chance why not take another if things are already screwed you have nothing to lose. But if they are not you have everything to gain.

 

[cdub]

Updaate on this girl.


Well I didn't even approach her. I saw her on the 23rd at my cousins christmas party and a bunch of us went out to a bar to see a friend play in a band.

It was very awkward. She wasn't as nice/warm to me as she usually is. She kept her distance from me at the bar and she ended up dancing with my friend alot that night.

At the same time I saw my cousin who she is close friends w/ on christmas eve and my cousin was rather cold toward me too. I guess no words needed to be spoken. Her body language and attitude towards me has changed completely. I can see that she is not interested in me so I will pursue this no further.

 

[blackfire]

sorry to hear it didnt work out with the girl.

 

[cdub]

Thanks, but it's part of the game. You win some you lose some.