Empathy Only Jim's café 08/12/2020: The wit of the frumentarii edition

[JMG]

Ty for the tag @Legate Lanius and for opening the cafe. Interesting questions

1. If you could change the year you were born, when would you choose to be born?
1963 cos then I'd be an irresistible rabbit (that was a rabbit year in Chinese astrology) and also cos then I woulda been a teen when the first Star Wars movie came out The year I was actually born was ok though, could be worse I guess.

2. If you could choose to never have been born at all, would you?
No, despite the suffering I've experienced in life I think the good things far outweigh the bad. If I'd never been born then I would not be able to enjoy watching Star Wars and seeing Mark Hamill and looking at pix of him. Oh and also cos then I'd never get to be able to have a close bond with any kitties and pet them, look at their adorable lil faces and just enjoy all the special and perfect things about them. Animals and nature in general too. There's so many good things in this world and I am glad for them all.

3. Do you eat many small meals or few large meals (you're free to make a joke about how you eat many large meals).
A few somewhat large meals I guess.

4. If you were unable to anticipate unwanted events at all, would your life get worse or better? How?
I think it would be worse because when I anticipate unwanted events I don't see that as wasted time or energy ultimately cos then I can mentally prepare myself for how to deal with them.

5. Does playing mobile games make you a gamer?
No. I think of a "gamer" as someone who plays games to a pretty excessive degree.

6. How far would you go to get recognized officially as the gamer that you are?
Lol hmm not sure how to answer this q since it kind of makes the assumption that I'm a gamer in the first place which I don't think I really am. I play some games on facebook and maybe it's a bit excessive sometimes but I still don't think I'm a gamer. If I was, I would not want to be recognized for it so I guess the answer is I would not go far to have it "officially recognized" at all, quite the opposite lol.

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

Hope you're having a Tuesday without suicidal thoughts and free from self-destructive behaviors such as: binge-drinking, cutting, needle-scavenging and partaking in unprotected sexual encounters.

nope





I'll include some questions for those that don't like riddles (95% of the forum, apparently ).

Q1: If you could change the year you were born, when would you choose to be born?
a few years later, or maybe a few years before, but I don't want to be older than I am so later

Q2: If you could choose to never have been born at all, would you?
I don't think so, I have enjoyed some parts of life

Q3: Do you eat many small meals or few large meals (you're free to make a joke about how you eat many large meals).
I eat small breakfast, small lunch, medium-big dinner

Q4: If you were unable to anticipate unwanted events at all, would your life get worse or better? How?
better. My anxiety would go away

Q5: Does playing mobile games make you a gamer?
I dont think doing things makes you the noun of the thing unless you get paid for it on a regular basis or you're very talented at it idk

Q6: How far would you go to get recognized officially as the gamer that you are?
I don't play games

 

[Dante]

Riddle one: I pierce, yet show. I detect and burn. I grant vision and entertain. What am I?

Eyes?
- Having a piercing stare
- Show emotion
- Detect surroundings
- Burn when we get things in our eyes or look at Linsey Lohan
- Grant vision (obvious)
- Entertain, well, most entertainment is visual...

Riddle two: I am inside of you, yet you can spend time in me. I can be used to track data and when I wake up I'm dangerous. What am I?

AN ANUS! You can store all sorts of data storage devices up there! and its VERY dangerous when it wakes!
AH, but I jest.
Your mind?, though the "When I wake up, I'm Dangerous" part confuses me... Dreams maybe? But they dont "wake up"...

Riddle three: I'm a figment of imagination, created by ignorance. I'm a friend of the house and many men call themselves by my name. What am I?

I find this riddle offensive, but the answer you are looking for is "God".

Riddle four: I'm worthless, I'm annoying, no one likes detecting my presence. When I get washed I disappear. I'm about to get set alight and thrown out of the window. What am I?

A Spider?

But honestly I think maybe a cigarette?

Q1: If you could change the year you were born, when would you choose to be born?

1970s? Aside from the fact that I invented many revolutionary things growing up before realising someone beat me to it (I even surmised that gravity must moves at the speed of light LONG before scientists proved it), getting a couple decades headstart would mean I would not have had to grow up with social media and would be able to afford a bloody house.

Q2: If you could choose to never have been born at all, would you?

No, no question, no. I played an important role in my sister's life up until the last few years where she doesnt seem to need me anymore, Im concerned that without me my sister would have killed herself. I helped her with her homework, snuck her food when my mum put her on a starvation diet, sat with her when she was sick in her room, comforted her when our dad hurt her again, helped her through depression and general anxiety etc, drove her around England every weekend when she was having to live far away from her family and fiance... I had a use, so no, i cant selfishly just "undo" myself, but if I were to get spontaneously hit by a bus tomorrow.... meh, I wouldn't complain too much as long as I dont go to Hell.

Q3: Do you eat many small meals or few large meals (you're free to make a joke about how you eat many large meals).

1 main meal and several small nibbles through the day.

Q4: If you were unable to anticipate unwanted events at all, would your life get worse or better? How?

WAY WAY WORSE!! My ability to anticipate shit stuff happening simply by the virtue of 1) "Can something bad happen?", 2) "Am I still me", (if the answer is Yes to both, then I know it will happen) and then preparing to counter it so it becomes a speed bump rather than a wall is the only reason I have kept my job, a roof over my head and my sanity (and in come cases my life) so far. I have horrible luck, if I didnt see it coming I would be WRECKED in a day.

Q5: Does playing mobile games make you a gamer?

Q6: How far would you go to get recognized officially as the gamer that you are?

I have between 4 and 5 figures of GBP worth of games across various consoles and PC gaming services, but I still wouldnt call myself a true gamer, not lately, I dont have the time for it anymore. I am a gamer at heart, but I dont need the recognition, as long as non-gamers dont get "recognised" as gamers I am good.

 

[Auri]

Alright, let's try this.

Riddle one: I pierce, yet show. I detect and burn. I grant vision and entertain. What am I?
An eye? A look? A look on a person can be used for entertainment, I guess.

Riddle two: I am inside of you, yet you can spend time in me. I can be used to track data and when I wake up I'm dangerous. What am I?
A memory? A mind? Also thought of a cell, assuming cell phones are considered dangerous. Spend time in a cell as in prison.

Riddle three: I'm a figment of imagination, created by ignorance. I'm a friend of the house and many men call themselves by my name. What am I?
No idea.

Riddle four: I'm worthless, I'm annoying, no one likes detecting my presence. When I get washed I disappear. I'm about to get set alight and thrown out of the window. What am I?
A moth. I thought about dust too, but not sure about the set alight part.

 

[Legate Lanius]

(I even surmised that gravity must moves at the speed of light LONG before scientists proved it)

This should cover for the inability to solve a neck-beard's riddles on a suicide forum.

Eyes?
"God".
a cigarette?

Usually a few people have been able to make me hand out points for answers that they can wiggle in there somehow, since they technically fit. But not this time, seemingly. This is by far the best riddles I've made since they have enough items on them, yet very tricky. Almost like a well-made lock, complete chaos until the key is inserted.

 

[Legate Lanius]

Alright, let's try this.

Riddle one: I pierce, yet show. I detect and burn. I grant vision and entertain. What am I?
An eye? A look? A look on a person can be used for entertainment, I guess.

Riddle two: I am inside of you, yet you can spend time in me. I can be used to track data and when I wake up I'm dangerous. What am I?
A memory? A mind? Also thought of a cell, assuming cell phones are considered dangerous. Spend time in a cell as in prison.

Riddle three: I'm a figment of imagination, created by ignorance. I'm a friend of the house and many men call themselves by my name. What am I?
No idea.

Riddle four: I'm worthless, I'm annoying, no one likes detecting my presence. When I get washed I disappear. I'm about to get set alight and thrown out of the window. What am I?
A moth. I thought about dust too, but not sure about the set alight part.

Thanks for doing the riddles, you are the first one to get a point. Was about a minute from posting the answers before Dante responded, so you owe him for stalling me long enough. You are the winner!

 

[Legate Lanius]

@Dante @Auri @KA9 @Lane

Alright, I'm placing the answers behind this spoiler. If you want to keep guessing on your own just ignore this post and keep guessing in the thread and I'll tell you if you got an answer right. I'm trusting that no one will read the answers and then pretend to guess for the internet prestige points. No one has ever been able to obtain a full score on any of these riddles, so it might be fun to stick with the riddles a little longer before reading these answers.

Spoiler: Answers

1. Laser. 2. Cell. 3. Chance. 4. My dirty laundry.

 

[Legate Lanius]

Feel free to ask questions about the riddles if you think something is weird!

 

[Auri]

Thanks for doing the riddles, you are the first one to get a point. Was about a minute from posting the answers before Dante responded, so you owe him for stalling me long enough. You are the winner!

Aww thanks, lol. I never win anything.
I checked your answers, really liked #1. I don't fully understand #3, but I feel like it would be my favourite if you explained it, please?

 

[Legate Lanius]

Aww thanks, lol. I never win anything.
I checked your answers, really liked #1. I don't fully understand #3, but I feel like it would be my favourite if you explained it, please?

Sure, doing it behind a spoiler just in case.

Spoiler: 3

Probability and chance don't actually exist, if you had enough information you'd know exactly how a die would land, etc. I heard some stuff about it being a part of quantum physics and shit, so I sadly have to ignore that if it is the case that it actually exists in subatomic particles/ strings or whatever the fuck (not a doctor, and so on). The house always wins due to gaining small amounts of money due to the slightly stacked odds (0 and 00 on a roulette table, etc), so the house is on good terms with chance. Chance is also a name. Hope that made sense.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

This should cover for the inability to solve a neck-beard's riddles on a suicide forum.

Do you actually have a neck beard, fedora, and piss bottles in your room? I think I frequent r/neckbeardnests too much.

 

[Legate Lanius]

Do you actually have a neck beard, fedora, and piss bottles in your room?

None of the above. I do however have an uncleaned living space, bad personal hygiene, am unemployable (or quit when I do get employed, haha), spend all of my time in bed gaming and watching anime and want do die.

 

[Auri]

Sure, doing it behind a spoiler just in case.

Spoiler: 3

Probability and chance don't actually exist, if you had enough information you'd know exactly how a die would land, etc. I heard some stuff about it being a part of quantum physics and shit, so I sadly have to ignore that if it is the case that it actually exists in subatomic particles/ strings or whatever the fuck (not a doctor, and so on). The house always wins due to gaining small amounts of money due to the slightly stacked odds (0 and 00 on a roulette table, etc), so the house is on good terms with chance. Chance is also a name. Hope that made sense.

Holy sh*t that was impossible for me to guess. For the friend of the house and men calling themselves that way, at least. For the first part, I understood better before your explanation, lol. But I think I know what you mean.

Spoiler: Little addition

No worries about the quantum physics part, no one would have thought of that, lol. If you're interested, you can look up debates about the (in)determinism of quantum physics. But the first instinct when you learn about quantum phenomena is certainly that randomness does exist at that level, so we can grant it at our level of understanding.

 

[Dante]

@Dante @Auri @KA9 @Lane

Alright, I'm placing the answers behind this spoiler. If you want to keep guessing on your own just ignore this post and keep guessing in the thread and I'll tell you if you got an answer right. I'm trusting that no one will read the answers and then pretend to guess for the internet prestige points. No one has ever been able to obtain a full score on any of these riddles, so it might be fun to stick with the riddles a little longer before reading these answers.

Spoiler: Answers

1. Laser. 2. Cell. 3. Chance. 4. My dirty laundry.

erm.... I have some thoughts, however, they are a bit critical (as a lover of riddles myself, I'm a bit particular)

Spoiler: Comments on Answers

1. Laser.
Ok, that makes sense.
2. Cell.
The clues for the riddle are about 3 separate things which all just happen to have the same name, and as for a cell waking up.. i understand you mean Cancer, but only since I have the answer here, it doesnt lead to the answer. You could have made this better by focusing on the word, but im not sure how you would phrase that:
"I am inside of you, yet you can spend time in my namesake. My name is used to track data and when I wake up I'm dangerous. What am I?" Its a bit clunky, but would get around the issue that each clue is actually about a different thing.
3. Chance.
I honestly think the clues fit God better. Chance is another name for probability, which is a field of mathematics, not ignorance or a figment of imagination, chance was never a friend of my household, and I have never heard a man call himself "chance", but I have heard too many blokes call themselves a God, and any atheist will say a God is a figment of your imagination and born of ignorance, and historically, especially in Roman culture, the Gods were especially friends of the household, Romans even held Household Gods to watch over them.
4. My dirty laundry.
This is actually pretty clever except the thing about burning at the end, the burning bit is funny but kinda makes it about guessing your sense of humour rather than guessing the object.

Counter Riddle: Can you guess this?
I'm always wet but often dry, im loved by some, and often fun, but you wont remember our time together when I'm gone.

 

[Dante]

Sure, doing it behind a spoiler just in case.

Spoiler: 3

Probability and chance don't actually exist, if you had enough information you'd know exactly how a die would land, etc. I heard some stuff about it being a part of quantum physics and shit, so I sadly have to ignore that if it is the case that it actually exists in subatomic particles/ strings or whatever the fuck (not a doctor, and so on). The house always wins due to gaining small amounts of money due to the slightly stacked odds (0 and 00 on a roulette table, etc), so the house is on good terms with chance. Chance is also a name. Hope that made sense.

Ok, I get Riddle 3 now, but i still dont know about "men calling themselves my name" bit

 

[KM76710]

Q1: If you could change the year you were born, when would you choose to be born? Far to the future. I want to be a Morlock feeding on the Eloi. The less joking answer would be in the mid 1940s since I love music and so much of my favorite bands were big in the late 60s and through the 70s, of course I would risk having to go to Vietnam for the war but thems the breaks.

Q2: If you could choose to never have been born at all, would you? Nevermore, never born.

Q3: Do you eat many small meals or few large meals (you're free to make a joke about how you eat many large meals). Moderate sized brunch to large one and then a snack later in the day.

Q4: If you were unable to anticipate unwanted events at all, would your life get worse or better? How? Worse, it might weed some out to see who can cut it.

Q5: Does playing mobile games make you a gamer? Not a gamer. I was even a failure at pong.

Q6: How far would you go to get recognized officially as the gamer that you are? No gaming for me. I am too old and lazy. LOL

On the riddles, never much good at them so I give up quickly.

 

[Legate Lanius]

Ok, I get Riddle 3 now, but i still dont know about "men calling themselves my name" bit

Read it again, the very last part.

 

[Legate Lanius]

erm.... I have some thoughts, however, they are a bit critical (as a lover of riddles myself, I'm a bit particular)

Spoiler: Comments on Answers

1. Laser.
Ok, that makes sense.
2. Cell.
The clues for the riddle are about 3 separate things which all just happen to have the same name, and as for a cell waking up.. i understand you mean Cancer, but only since I have the answer here, it doesnt lead to the answer. You could have made this better by focusing on the word, but im not sure how you would phrase that:
"I am inside of you, yet you can spend time in my namesake. My name is used to track data and when I wake up I'm dangerous. What am I?" Its a bit clunky, but would get around the issue that each clue is actually about a different thing.
3. Chance.
I honestly think the clues fit God better. Chance is another name for probability, which is a field of mathematics, not ignorance or a figment of imagination, chance was never a friend of my household, and I have never heard a man call himself "chance", but I have heard too many blokes call themselves a God, and any atheist will say a God is a figment of your imagination and born of ignorance, and historically, especially in Roman culture, the Gods were especially friends of the household, Romans even held Household Gods to watch over them.
4. My dirty laundry.
This is actually pretty clever except the thing about burning at the end, the burning bit is funny but kinda makes it about guessing your sense of humour rather than guessing the object.

Spoiler: 2 and 3 explained again

I did not mean cancer, I meant sleeper cells. Details, details, I never said you were guessing an object instead of a word. Chance is, again, a real name. I explained that probability is just ignorance with the example of a die being cast. Also that the house refers to casinos. God might fit but chance is a much more precise fit and both the house and calling themselves God isn't really that good of clues if it was God. The fourth one was more of a joke, someone extremely sharp that just read one of my posts complaining about my laundry might have been able to solve it.

 

[Legate Lanius]

Counter Riddle: Can you guess this?
I'm always wet but often dry, im loved by some, and often fun, but you wont remember our time together when I'm gone.

Alcohol?

 

[Dante]

Read it again, the very last part.

Yup, still drawing a blank

Alcohol?

Yup