Jim's Cafe 13 October 2023

[foreverforgotten]

Thank you @Walker for tagging

hanging in there.. almost falling but hanging on. Getting 3 hours sleep each day. We'll see how long I can keep it up. Trying to catch up in my online math class after work every day. (Its the last class i need befire getting an associate degree..) but I'm currently failing it. Again...
Im about 2 weeks behind. Means extra study. Exhausted.

I told myself going into this class it wouldn't be like the last few times where I failed. Last semester and the one before. Trying not to get crushed by the weight of this... just hoping to pass with a C... but I keep falling asleep... studying for 5 hours after work everyday is exhausting..

 

[Neko~boy]

Yesterday someone's father had a heartattack and my ptsd flared up on me. Last night i dreamt of my dad and didn't sleep well. i keep thinking of him today and i miss him so much and just wish i could be with him. It hurt loosing him. It hurts and feels like i loose him every time i see him in my dreams and wake up. It takes me a while to realize that, dad is gone and i can never get him back. i want to sleep so i can see him, or to try and erase the memories of that night. In dreams he smiles a bit more now but the dreams twist regardless.

 

[MisterBGone]

Yesterday someone's father had a heartattack and my ptsd flared up on me. Last night i dreamt of my dad and didn't sleep well. i keep thinking of him today and i miss him so much and just wish i could be with him. It hurt loosing him. It hurts and feels like i loose him every time i see him in my dreams and wake up. It takes me a while to realize that, dad is gone and i can never get him back. i want to sleep so i can see him, or to try and erase the memories of that night. In dreams he smiles a bit more now but the dreams twist regardless.

I'm sorry for your loss, Dead~boy. I couldn't imagine losing my Dad. Hope your ptsd has died down a little bit. That's got to be quite a hard thing to experience. And to try to live through, or with (those memories, and flashbacks & such. . .)

 

[Neko~boy]

I'm sorry for your loss, Dead~boy. I couldn't imagine losing my Dad. Hope your ptsd has died down a little bit. That's got to be quite a hard thing to experience. And to try to live through, or with (those memories, and flashbacks & such. . .)

Thank you @MisterBGone . People started making comments about having heartattacks so, it is lingering a lot. i always break down when it comes to heartattacks being mentioned, joked about, even watching it in shows or movies it just reminds me of that night when my dad passed and me doing cpr on him. i miss my dad a lot. His birthday is December 10th, it would be his 54th birthday this year. Another holiday season without him. Another birthday without him. Another year that goes by without him. i just want my dad. Or to at least stay in my dreams where he is.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Thank you @MisterBGone . People started making comments about having heartattacks so, it is lingering a lot. i always break down when it comes to heartattacks being mentioned, joked about, even watching it in shows or movies it just reminds me of that night when my dad passed and me doing cpr on him. i miss my dad a lot. His birthday is December 10th, it would be his 54th birthday this year. Another holiday season without him. Another birthday without him. Another year that goes by without him. i just want my dad. Or to at least stay in my dreams where he is.

I'm sorry, those types of anniversaries are always difficult to deal with. My mom has heart failure so I worry about something like that happening to her. You won't be alone on that day though because we are all here and willing to listen.

 

[Neko~boy]

I'm sorry, those types of anniversaries are always difficult to deal with. My mom has heart failure so I worry about something like that happening to her. You won't be alone on that day though because we are all here and willing to listen.

Thank you. i appreciate that a lot. i like trying to celebrate his birthdays still by fixing some of his favorite foods and getting his favorite drinks. (Often chocolate milk, despite my sensitivity to dairy, or cheerwine, his favorite soda). i tend to make a plate for him and i sit with his urn. Some times i try to watch his favorite star wars movies too. My dad was an incredible man. He was kind, caring, did his best to understand, and always supported me and listened to me. When i lost him i lost my best friend in the world.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Thank you. i appreciate that a lot. i like trying to celebrate his birthdays still by fixing some of his favorite foods and getting his favorite drinks. (Often chocolate milk, despite my sensitivity to dairy, or cheerwine, his favorite soda). i tend to make a plate for him and i sit with his urn. Some times i try to watch his favorite star wars movies too. My dad was an incredible man. He was kind, caring, did his best to understand, and always supported me and listened to me. When i lost him i lost my best friend in the world.

He sounds like an amazing person. You are lucky to have had such a great person in your life, and you can still keep his memory alive in many ways.

 

[Neko~boy]

He sounds like an amazing person. You are lucky to have had such a great person in your life, and you can still keep his memory alive in many ways.

i was tremendously lucky to have him for my father. i know i can keep his memory alive, but it still hurts so much without him here.

 

[MisterBGone]

Thank you @MisterBGone . People started making comments about having heartattacks so, it is lingering a lot. i always break down when it comes to heartattacks being mentioned, joked about, even watching it in shows or movies it just reminds me of that night when my dad passed and me doing cpr on him. i miss my dad a lot. His birthday is December 10th, it would be his 54th birthday this year. Another holiday season without him. Another birthday without him. Another year that goes by without him. i just want my dad. Or to at least stay in my dreams where he is.

I'm sorry you had to go through all of that @Dead~boy ! That is an unreal tragedy to have to experience, and so first-hand like that. I can't believe that you had to suffer through such a terrible thing. And he went so young! His Birthday is really close to my Dad's as well. But man. . . that's almost got to be surreal, in a way? I mean, obviously it isn't. But just in terms of, what should have been, or what should be... How hard it all is! And how unfair everything is as well, in terms of how it's all turned out in life for the two of you. I can totally see why, and understand completely that you do feel those things that you do, when reminded of such cues, that instantly or instantaneously, almost I'd imagine - transport you right back to that time. How earth-shattering, and painful it all must be. And to dream of him to? Sighhh~ / I'm just sorry for every-thing; but I'd bet he'd be happy for the way you've been honoring him. And he might even wish for you to not feel so badly about him. At least that deeply to where it's maybe holding you back in any sort of way? Again, just pure & mere speculation on my behalf, or my part. So please take no offense, or try not to, as that is not what I intend. Just from the way in which you've described him. His character & what a truly phenomenal and remarkable man & human being he was/is. It's just making that leap, that led me there, to that conclusion then. Again not knowing him personally at all, of course~ (so I think you've made him proud, is what I'm saying, in spite of how you may or may not feel - in terms of disagreement, or whatever else). I'd bet he'd (still) love you all the same. And just as much, if not more than he did when he was still around. Take care, and be kind to yourself. . . See you later! : )

 

[Neko~boy]

So this morning ioverslept for work, but luckily (for me not so much my rides sister) my ride was running way behind. i was over an hour late for work but the importantthing is my rides sister is okay.

This evening i really needed to pick up my prescription of Prazosin (for nightmares from ptsd) since i kept forgetting them last week and the week before. Damn my fish brain. But my ride had some friends/ relatives show up just as we had got off of work. Of course she insisted on showing them all of the decorations she had put up in the break room and office. Though i felt a little annoyed at first by not being able to get my meds, i actually got to speak to and meet an elderly lady. She's a 92 year woman and she worked for 30 years in a furniture factory in town (i work in a type of furniture factory too. When she told me her age, i asked what her secret was. She replied, "never stop moving. Never give up."
i honestly needed to hear that lately.