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Jim's Cafe - January 23rd - Let's celebrate who we are!

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I'm. Not. Like. You. I. Just. Fuck. Up.
SF is a place where it's okay to celebrate our differences and be proud of who we are. Whether you're straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, transgender, demi-sexual, etc., etc...there are SO many different sexual orientations and identities, but there will only ever be one YOU, and you're unique no matter what your self-identification is. Just like each and every snowflake is unique, we, as individuals, are unique.


Remember that no matter what, just like a snowflake, there will never be another person exactly like you. You are special; you are important, so be proud of YOU. Tell us what your sexual orientation/gender identity is and what you like about the individual that you are.

I'm PANSEXUAL, and I like that I judge others based on who they are on the inside, first and foremost.

So whichever dumbfuck decided to use the word "snowflake" to mean someone who is overly sensitive can fuck off because we can all be as sensitive as we feel the need to be. Don't let anyone tell you who you ought to be (i.e. who you should be attracted to, who you should have sexual/romantic relationships with, and most importantly, who you are allowed to love). Love (and not just romantic love) is the most powerful of all human emotions, and it is completely up to you whom you choose to love or be in love with. You decide that, no matter what anyone says.

Speaking of snowflakes, I do love looking at winter landscapes (just don't love the freezing temperatures if I have to be out in them!)...I think it's one of the most beautiful things the universe has to offer (and to think, that this picture of beauty IS, in fact, made up of all these little, tiny snowflakes, each one unique in its own special way)


Feel free to post your own pictures of winter landscapes.

@Ash600 @Auri @OfLoveAndDeath @Inanimate @Champagne @Witty⭐️Sarcasm ⭐️ @1964dodge @Lane @sinking_ship @PrincessPure
Thanks for opening today @Aurelia

I love your thoughts today. ❄️❄️❄️! i wish i was better at feeling the sentiment.
My first answer is straight, CIS. BUT is there a term for me that i haven’t recognized? I am me. 🎉

I was looking for information a few weeks ago, and found this article about the flags of PRIDE. I love learning about the flags.

Bucket List item- PRIDE Parades wearing “I GIVE MOM HUGS”. It pisses me off to think a parent/family/society would reject an individual because of their identity.

I hope to be back with some pictures of snow ❄️ ⛄️ ❄️


I'm. Not. Like. You. I. Just. Fuck. Up.
Thanks for opening today @Aurelia

I love your thoughts today. ❄️❄️❄️! i wish i was better at feeling the sentiment.
My first answer is straight, CIS. BUT is there a term for me that i haven’t recognized? I am me. 🎉

I was looking for information a few weeks ago, and found this article about the flags of PRIDE. I love learning about the flags.

Bucket List item- PRIDE Parades wearing “I GIVE MOM HUGS”. It pisses me off to think a parent/family/society would reject an individual because of their identity.

I hope to be back with some pictures of snow ❄️ ⛄️ ❄️
We can either choose to self-identify with a particular label or some of us prefer no label at all, which is perfectly okay too. Like you said, no matter what, "I am me". And our labels, if we have any, never completely define us. That is to say, we are NOT our labels. We are simply us.


•✮• SF's pet kitty, the cheerful and purest. •✮•
Kitty straight. Also, kitty likes to think kitty is a kitty cat too and kitty likes to make friends with everyone.. And.. Yea okay, I can come off as childish and chubby but kitty can’t help it too. Then kitty manage to play with everyone too. 😺
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•✮• SF's pet kitty, the cheerful and purest. •✮•
Don’t believe me I’m childish? I hate to glorify my disorders cause I see the term disorders as its just challenging to me. I’d tell you again, I still find it hard to believe I am under the accommodation of adhd - But yes, I do know I am childish, I’m just greatful SF didn’t banned me for being so. 😹 Yes admins, I still have those memories haha. Seriously, thanks for giving me second chances when in real life I would usually get like

“where’s that kid who runs around? she’s being quiet is not acceptable. aren’t you like 26years old? stop stop stop fidgeting. you are so annoying, can’t you be serious for once? can’t you finish anything for once?”

I’m just greatful I still have my close rl friends who have become my family atm. At this point, I still have been wondering why are my friends still with me that I usually be the weirdo that creep them out so easily. This is why I have always been afraid to voice it out. Like its so obvious and people would belittle me and as a human, with my disorder, I can’t listen to any ques my body need/hear my own thoughts which now I am practicing it till I get that pattern of consistency instead of being a struggling adult.

The first paragraph above, is when it gets obvious - my childish thoughts/any thoughts are really loud. It takes a while for me to be collected.
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Thanks for opening today @Aurelia

I love your thoughts today. i wish i was better at feeling the sentiment.
My first answer is straight, CIS. BUT is there a term for me that i haven’t recognized? I am me. 🎉

I was looking for information a few weeks ago, and found this article about the flags of PRIDE. I love learning about the flags/people.


Outsider in the Realm of Lost and Found
I have no idea what is my gender, my sexual orientation nor my sexual expression. I know I'm male by birth, though, and to save me from all the internal debates of what is my sexuality, I dress like how other men do and pretend like I'm straight, for now. Maybe, there will be some events in the future that give me some clues about who I am.

I guess I'm an aromantically asexual man. I've never thought of dating or marry anyone before. Well, "you haven't found the right one", in my case.

I live in a relatively humid and tropical place so I've never touched the natural snow before. The people living in the mountainous area might be able to get some snow when the temperature hits below zero (Celsius). Some images of 2020's winter in the mountains I found from a local online newspaper:
nhung-hinh-anh-dep-ve-bang-tuyet-phu-trang-dinh-fansipan-2020-5.jpg nhung-hinh-anh-dep-ve-bang-tuyet-phu-trang-dinh-fansipan-2020-6.jpg


🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
@Aurelia thanks for opening and the tag.

I agree wholeheartedly that we should embrace each others' uniqueness as think how boring the world would be if we were all the same and my feeling is that love is love pure and simple... a genuine caring for another human being with your whole soul (and vice versa) and there is nothing more beautiful than that in the world.

I used to live up in the mountains and had tons of snow pictures as would send to work as an explanation of why wasn't going to make it in that day or be late but alas lost all those (got to love technology--not)...but did find one. This was from our small conservatory looking into the garden where we had a small fountain...admit do miss this view...and hearing the fountain with the hush of a recent snowfall... but it is forever in my heart...


Wishing all a wonderful, peaceful and relaxing Saturday with not too many chores etc...just some quiet moments...

tagging @begerac @Shadowlands @Nick @1964dodge @pooky @JMG @kmarie0912 @MosesY @Kira @SillyOldBear @Sunday16 @Sassy the Wonderful Cat @Were all together @Kira @Winslow @Lane @Champagne @Waves @Auri @Sunspots @Witty⭐️Sarcasm ⭐️ @mpk


SF Supporter
I am straight but not interested in sex (asexual). I don't know what "CIS" means. I probably would be interested in sex if I met the right person but i doubt it.

I woke up to this morning to find snow flurries have covered the ground with a light snow. It was pretty but has melted already in the sun. It was real pretty as the grass poked through.
Have a good day!


untwisting the pretzel
SF Supporter
good morning @Aurelia . your question (much thanks...) is just the prodding i need!

this image of the siberian landscape must have lots of that wonderful crystallization. maybe that is my spiritual link: 2CD00D01-D8BF-4447-A904-13A44E379188.jpeg
... and it might not appear to be so, but does have much to do with my sexuality. nope, i’ve never been there but maybe a tiny percentage of my russian heritage has to do with the yakut people. the same spirituality also draws me to mongolia. honestly i do not know why for any of this. its just there.

when i graduated art college which must be about 45 years ago now, i decided to write a book and this book which was a work in progress for about 30 years and eventually left in a state of tbc, had a very important character named leonard. i did not realize it at the time but leonard was someone real in me whom i much later named hijacker. leonard’s “claim to fame“ was his tagline, “leonard knows things”. something very stubborn in me fought that “tooth and nail”.

the core of the issue is that hijacker‘s speciality is telling truth with lies and lies with truth. and it has always been about me. so how am i to know who or what i am? i know i am who i am, but who who is, that is another story and hijacker set out to make sure i’d be confused about this all my life. and hijacker began to tell me that i am most definitely not who i believed i am and wanted to be and i’ve discovered that being who you want to be is not necessarily who you are.

i’ve placed the rest of this story in my “my story” section of SF which you can follow in the link below if you feel like it. its way too long and not appropriate for the café i think.

but right now i’d really love a cup of hot coffee and some company. but sexuality? how about introambisexual for starters or heterosexual or tbd??? i tend to like using dan with (itt/itts) as my pronouns of choice. “itt” is both a genderless pronoun and honorific and can be used in various situations. it fulfills may states the usual pronouns fail at.


SF Supporter
@Aurelia, I couldn't agree more. Being open to and embracing each other's differences is what makes us more interesting, intelligent, and human. And I absolutely refuse to defame the beautiful snowflake by attaching a derogatory meaning to it that's used to belittle other people. Snowflakes are a miracle and if someone wants to call me a snowflake I will take it as a compliment. I'm a beautiful, courageous, joyful snowflake!

I live in snow country, here are couple photos I took that I'm particularly proud of. The first one is my former backyard view. It's has been enhanced, but is no less worthy. The second is my current backyard on a crystal clear day after a big snowfall.

Thank you for tagging me @Kiwi2016 I love your snow photos.
Eagle.jpg ver.jpg


SF grey-haired bear 🐻
Staff Alumni
The Charles Schulz Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz,
The creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip.
You don't have to actually answer the questions.
Just ponder on them. Just read the e-mail straight
through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.
These are no second-rate achievers.
They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies.
Awards tarnish ...
Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do
on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

The lesson:
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money ... or the most awards. They simply are the ones who care the most .

Pass this on to those people whom you keep close in your heart.
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
It's already tomorrow in Australia!"

"Be Yourself.


In the SF doghouse with Burt
SF Pro
SF Supporter
Ok, so I have been in too many arguments about this sort of subject and through those I have solidly worked out where I stand, because of this, the below is a little long, so I gave it headings.

Who I am
Im afraid I am not a snowflake by any definition. I am a straight white bloke, who identifies as a straight white bloke. My identity in this regard has never been a question for me, and I have never felt any inclination towards anything else, though for some reason I have found the majority of vocal LGBT people have never accepted this, they took my unwavering confidence to be a sign I was closeted and in denial and tried endlessly to convert me. I order "manly" drinks if I feel like it or "girly" drinks if I feel like it, I have had straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual and transgender friends and if I wasn't so terrible at keeping friendships going long distance I still would. Have I ever come onto a man? sure, he was a raging homophobe and his reaction was hilarious, I still laugh thinking about how his chair shot across the room from the speed he ran away, and that was 15 years ago. Have I ever wore makeup or a dress? no, but only because there has never been a good reason and I don't like showing off my legs (I also don't wear shorts).

Who you are (to me)
For me, whatever gender or identity you are, as long as its not bullshit and you dont throw it in people's faces, you go ahead and be you. By bullshit I mean plantgender or transage or anything else masking either mental illness or criminal levels of sexual perversion (Transage is what paedophiles all themselves). I have been called a homophobe for not enjoying a man wearing a dress draping himself off me and insisting he get off, but funnily enough, despite being straight, I didnt enjoy it primarily because I didnt know him and he came across kinda obnoxious and entitled, so even if I were gay, I would still ask him to get off. If a guy ever confessed to me I would be flattered, and let him down as gently as I could, and I have been attracted to and wanted to ask out an Asexual woman but I accepted who she was and more importantly, all reasons aside, she just wasnt into me, so that's that.
Oh, and I have a bisexual sister, and all that means to me is that the lucky woman has twice as many dating options as me, and we can both appreciate a beautiful redhead.

As far as I can see there are exactly 2 "Genders": Male and Female, there are physical, psychological, physiological, neurological and hormonal markers that define you as a "man" or a "woman", but like all things we all exist on a scale, like sliders on a colour pallet, our minds, our sexual desires, our bodies, our inclinations and our emotions all fall independently somewhere on a scale between "Absolute Man" and "Absolute Woman" we are all a mix, personally, all my sliders are strongly on the male side, hence my chosen identity, but the story doesn't stop there, no one facet of ourselves will develop entirely the same either, just because you are physically mostly male or female doesnt mean everything is the same, for me my body is largely male, but I have an annoyingly female fat distribution, when I put on weight it all goes to my hips -_- so all our "sliders" are subdivided into hundreds more, and where does that leave us? well, we all exist on a massive Nth dimensional colour pallet of almost innumerable facets that individually fall somewhere between male and female, making us all, on the whole, unique.

Gender Identity (Please read the "Gender" section first or it may make less sense)
As I mentioned, trying to pin a "male" or "female" label on people is mostly an approximation, and a lot of people are quite a varied a mix, and many people are "mostly female" in some regards and "mostly male" in others. Psychologically and Neurologically the female mind is more geared towards empathy and social development whilst the male mind is more geared towards special awareness and mechanical understanding (this has even been tested in wild animals, even ape girls go for the dolls and ape boys go for the trucks without any outside influence) but there was a show a while ago exploring gender on a scale and I still remember how this massive biker-looking dude, the manliest of men scored as "mostly female" with regards to empathetic development, more than many of the women on the show. So what do we do about our identities? Well what IS an identity? It is just a label we assign ourselves, a fully worked out view of who we are, so how many gender identities are there? as many as people care to create, if there is no pre-made gender identity our there that fits your particular mix, make your own, that's fine:

Homosexuality: Most sliders going one way and the "attraction" slider mostly going the other.
Transgender: Most sliders going one way and "physical development" slider going the other.
Bisexual: Most siders going one way and "attraction" falling somewhere in the middle meaning the can choose to go both ways.
Pansexual: The same as Bisexual, but with a different presentation, creating a more open nature towards your partners sexual identity, in essence, perhaps the most open kind of love, if you love someone, you love someone.
Agender: Physical sliders going one way or the other, but many of the psychological sliders all landing close to the middle.

I can go on, but what I'm saying is that no Gender Identity is right, wrong, natural or unnatural, its just the result of us trying to create a coherant self-image regarding a gender which so often fails to hit the "either or" that everyone is taught to believe in, does that make "Male" and "Female" gender identities any less valid? no, they are just one of the many Gender Identities, they just happen to be the most common, but I will say anyone who claims to BE absolutely male or female, not just identify as such, is wrong, the chances against that are astronomical considering how much variation there is.

Gender Purpose
Our gender does aim to be mostly on one side or the other, either Male or Female, as this is needed for procreation, and this causes the majority to be largely either "mostly male" or "mostly female" causing the misconception that gender is an "either or" thing and that everyone else is a freak or a mistake or some warped personal choice, (as the main human reaction to "otherness" is rejection), but this is not actually true, it is interesting to note that in the wild homosexuality and other gender variations are just as prevalent, and also interestingly, populations of social animals actually do BETTER if a small amount of their population is gay. The gay animals serve as surrogates for any orphaned babies, they skew the population towards strong adults rather than too many children, and since animals are less homophobic, a quick bit of consequence-less fun every now and then helps reduce population stress levels, there are evolutionary advantages to homosexuality which may explain its prevalence even in the human species (us being a social lot) meaning rather than a mistake, they are part of the Darwinian "Survival of the fittest" model, and though the homosexual animals don't produce kids (and so cant pass on their genes), the populations with a higher chance of producing homosexuals survived better so the genes for producing them also survived.

In our modern society we don't put as high a value on "survival" as we do social and financial achievement, and it has always been the different, the non-binaries, who have shown a stronger slant towards unconventional creation, art, literature, outside-the-box thinking even in traditionally "male" exploits like architecture or research, anything that gives you a fresh or uncommon perspective can be an asset in our culture, meaning, especially with the ability for artificial insemination and surrogates, the Darwinian model is only backing the LGBT community as the "fittest" precisely because they are different.


In the SF doghouse with Burt
SF Pro
SF Supporter
Ok, so the many drafts of this took me at least an hour (maybe two) distilling and clarifying what I am trying to say, so if you choose to read this, please read it all the way though and don't judge me until you have, also I made it a different post to the above so that if you liked my first post but hated my 2nd, you could express that freely.

I would like to address the reaction above to the term Snowflake, specifically:

So whichever dumbfuck decided to use the word "snowflake" to mean someone who is overly sensitive can fuck off because we can all be as sensitive as we feel the need to be. Don't let anyone tell you who you ought to be
I think this "snowflake" thing is one of those words like "feminist" or "Pride", every side uses it and every side has a different definition, so everyone gets pissed off at everyone else for essentially "misusing" it, for example, you see "snowflake" as a good thing as you focus on the individuality of each snowflake, whereas others use "snowflake" as a bad thing because they are focusing on how delicate a snowflake is, and I think the hate is partly coming from the fact that you use both the same word for different things, every time they use their definition of "snowflake" they piss on your more beautiful one, which is doubly bad as you identify as a (good version of) snowflake, so for clarity, I will use "Snowflake+" for yours and "Snowflake-" for mine. Unfortunately, I have met too many entitled and weak individuals who fit my definition of "snowflake-" but let me assure you, NOONE on this forum is a snowflake- and everyone is a snowflake+ (sorry for any confusion) But my definition of snowflake- seems to differ from other negative definitions, so before you judge me for using it, please try to understand what I mean when I do. I am not belittling people for being weak just because they suffer, I am belittling people for throwing tantrums when they are not suffering.

What I see as a "Snowflake-" is a mix of entitlement, immaturity and lack of perspective, someone who would rather throw a tantrum over the slightest problem until everyone else makes it better than try to fix the situation or put it into perspective, for example:
  • If your suicidal sister tries to talk to you about her pain but you're such a weak person that you would rather kick her our of your house than suffer the discomfort of trying to help her, that makes you a "snowflake-" and a bastard! (I know both people in this story)
  • If some bigot comes up to you and tells you that you are an abomination and that you will burn in hell for being LGBT, and rather than shrugging it off you attack them on social media, and take them to court and tell your story in the news, YOU ARE NOT a "snowflake-", they deserved all they got and more, what they did was wrong and offensive and if you want help lynching the bastard bigot give me a call.
  • If someone is discussing the love of God nearby and this so offends you that you have to go over to them and demand they leave and scream whenever they say anything rather than walking away or having a real discussion, you are a "snowflake-". (I have seen a video of this)
  • If you are a straight guy and you find out a male co-worker has a crush on you, and you claim the knowledge is too uncomfortable and traumatising and insist the co-worker gets fired or moved to another office, you are a "snowflake-", and a bigot! Take the compliment and get over yourself!
  • Claiming you were traumatised because your parents saw you were getting pretty damned big and refused to take you to McDonalds over concerns for your health and getting them declared unfit as parents PURELY because they wont take you to McDonalds makes you AND the psychiatrist BOTH "snowflakes-"! (I read this in the news a while ago)
  • If some kid asks their parents for a new gaming PC for their birthday and they dont get it, unless this is part of a pattern of neglect and abuse, then going to a load of people suffering REAL problems (like the aforementioned neglect and abuse) and saying "You dont understand my pain" makes him a "snowflake-"! (I've met this one too)
Perhaps you disagree with my use of the word snowflake given all the connotations and misuse it has suffered and your own personal (and rather beautiful) use of the word, but surely you must agree that the people I use it to belittle are shitty and entitled people who need perspective in their lives, and if I used a different word like "slugs" to belittle these people you would have no problem with me doing so. People who throw tantrums and hurt others because everyone else doesn't bend over backwards to give them what they want and agree with their world view are shit people, and their tantrums are an unnecessary distraction from those who really suffer, like the people on this forum.

I understand that people suffer differently and for different reasons, and some things that seem silly and not worth complaining about to one person can be a finishing blow to another based on values and past trauma, a personal example is that no one in my family is ever allowed to bring up a chocolate biscuit joke I made when I was younger, it seems silly on the surface, but I had been bullied relentlessly at school, beaten at home, had no self confidence left, and constantly thought about running away, I was always on guard, always expecting someone to hurt me, and I made an uncharacteristic attempt to reach out and connect with my brother and be vulnerable, to be my old self and make a self-deprecating joke, and my family so mercilessly made fun of me for that for months, I tried to reach out and they threw it back in my face, so I get it, not everything is cut and dry and obvious, but surely if you take two hypothetical people, one quietly considering suicide over sexual abuse and another is drawing all the attention by screaming loudly that he was traumatised because his parents didn't get him an Xbox, that 2nd one needs to shut the fuck up, and I will mercilessly insult and belittle such people until they do for the sake of those who are actually suffering.
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🎸🎼Metal Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
@Dante I figured it'd be useful to say that I "liked" your posts for their beautiful analytical nature, which pleases my heart and brain (lol). I absolutely have no mental capacity right now to even start thinking about what parts I agree or disagree with (if I do?), but I appreciated the read and to hear your opinions. So thank you for taking the time to write them down. :)


✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
Wow @Aurelia Amazing. You are unique with a great sense of creativity.

This is a beautiful topic and I think it is the best Cafe theme, ever 👍

That was wonderful to read and I myself am a very sensitive person and I don't give a damn what others think, love me or hate me, I am who I am.

Thank you for this reminder, I despise how the word ''snowflake'' is thrown around in a derogatory term, fuck whoever created that crap, they should win a prize for being a world class prat.

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