*stumbles around in the dark, struggling with my overstuffed knapsack and awkwardly holding out a map*
Emerald: Let's see... they said the meeting point would be around here. Too bad I accidentally dropped my compass back near that dark bear cave, and its also too bad I dropped my GPS in that raging river I accidentally fell into, and its also too bad I dropped my phone down that cliff I accidentally walked off of. Next time I really ought to take a cab. (-_-)
*after about three hours of walking around in darkness that is blacker than Don Cheadle's asshole, I approach a cabin in the middle of the woods*
Emerald: Ah, there it is! I wonder why the gang chose such a far out of the way area? They couldn't pick a brighter spot?
*suddenly a sunglasses wearing hillbilly emerges from the front door, brandishing a fully cocked shotgun*
Killer Hillbilly: Hey, you! Yeah, you! Gimme
ONE good reason why I shouldn't blow your brains out for tresspassin' on mah property, boy!
Emerald: *waves hands frantically* Wait, wait! Don't shoot! I was just here to meet my cafè pals for a get-together! You know Jim, right?
Killer Hillbilly: I ain't know
NO Jimmy 'round
here, boy! Only Jimmies I be knowin' is Jimmy Sue from Alabama, the shriveled up Jimmy between my grandpappy's legs, and the Jimmy Dean that done make those tasty sausages! And from the looks of things, you
ain't no sausage man!
Emerald: Ask the ladies, and I'm sure they'd disagree with you. ^^; And as for your grandpa... a bit too much information for me, thanks. But despite that - I think I have the wrong cabin... So I'm just gonna turn around and head back the way I came, and you go back to doing the usual redneck things and nobody gets hurt. *cautiously backs away toward the side of a tree*
Killer Hillbilly: *cocks shotgun again* You think its gonna be
that easy, boy?! I know your kind, always looking to steal somethin' or tryin' to sleep with our daughters! Gettin' 'em pregnant and takin' off for border! Well, I got news for you! Don't know what kinda party you were goin' to, but you won't be makin' it there tonight!
Emerald: No offense, Jethro, but from this ratty looking cabin I don't think you've got anything worth stealing and I definitely don't see a single Southern lady in sight to hit on, so I'm just gonna bounce. I got a gallon of ice cream melting in my backpack and its for my friends at the cafe.
Killer Hillbilly: Oh, is dat right, boy? Well, I'd say I'd got me a friend nearby that'll...
disagree with you, too.
*suddenly a mysterious arm reaches out from behind the tree and hits Emerald over the head with a bloodstained hammer*
Emerald: AAAAAGHHHHHHH!!!!!
(Guess I won't be surviving the movie this time. X_x)
*Emerald falls down onto dirty grass face first, knocked unconscious, and the body gets dragged off into the dark behind the tree*
Killer Hillbilly: *slowly grins* You were right 'bout one thing, boy. I ain't had nothin' in my fridge for a good week, and huntin' season's long over. But now? Guess I'm gonna be havin' some ground beef for the next two months. Oughta open me a cafè of my own, and serve up some finger foods for the family. The human kind!!! Heh heh heh heh heh, HA HA HA HA HA!!!
(Thanks for the invite Miss @Innocent Forever... now I know I can never be late to the party, now if only I wasn't so horrible with directions and accident prone I wouldn't keep ending up in scary places like this! Wait... If I'm dead, then how am I even typing this?!)
)
