Job blues cause a big setback

[TLA]

I accept and face bipolar everyday.

Now, I work in a group home. I learned today that not just one, but 2 ppl there have problems with me. It made me start thinking of suicide again. I have not thought of it in 6 years. I am stable on meds. I missed 2 days though and little sleep.

shit. :poo:

help.

too tired, going to sleep now too. No one cares anyhow.

 

[Acy]

Hi. I'm sorry you're having a hard time at the group home where you work. You know it's quite possible that those two people are the ones with the problems...and it's NOT you causing them to have those problems?!

Six years stable is wonderful! And you're right, :poo:. Don't let others' sh*t become your burden.

Stay safe and strong! :hug:

 

[LoveBeing]

Hi TLA,

What may be the problems? Can you talk to them?

Well, you know, we cannot control how others think or say, but we have the power to choose not to listen to the thoughts that hurt us. Of course, if there is something we can do to improve the situation, we do the best we can. Otherwise, we either go beyond it (accept it as it is) or leave the place…

There are options, hon. Be strong. Things can change. How you think and feel also changes…

With loving wishes and hugs :hug:

 

[TLA]

thanks for writing...

My boss has decided to discuss these "problems" with me today. Couse now, I have no energy and just want to :robin:

I do not know what I have said to create these problems and I try to be a Christian, so I don't lie about things.

I am prepared to get fired. or "let go"...I will post again after I do receive the bad news.

 

[Acy]

:hug: Discussing the issue doesn't automatically mean you will be fired.

Thinking of you.

 

[TLA]

@Acy-you are right. Other ppl can have the issue and not know it. I read your note before I went to metg and tried hard not to cry or think totally negative.

It scared me-no, terrified me-to be in this situation again. I have not faced crisis in job setting in 10 years!!!! And never had a co-worker scream at me in front of clieints.

I did not get fired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which was a relief. I not really love job, but I have come to depend on $. It is minumum wage, but better than nothing!
I am 11 pm-7 am, 3rd shift overnite staff on weekends only, part-time.

My boss is fair. I was able to let her know my side of things, how I don't like conflict, I am not trying to "start things or cause trouble". She even told me she sees potential in me and I am too hard on myslef.. I know that last part is true. I respect the girl that I have the "problem with" but she is not always truthful. The other girl made errors too; I just have to be careful and think before I say words especially in anger.

What has this episode taught me?
*That I worry a lot and still react with depression when in crisis!!
*That I still need to refine my coping skills and DBT skills that I attempted to learn in past 2 years.
*That loss of my job will not be the end of the world!! My health, family is #1.
*That I STILL & I have to believe Ican learn how to talk to others.
*That other ppl do see me as good person, even is I don't see it yet.
*I can still come out to SF to get support and to help me dry my tears to get thru the day...I am not going in the hospital automatically if I have a one-time depressing crisis/day.
*It could be their (other people) problem and they just take it out on me.
thats just on the top of my head.

I aim to re-establish my career, if I can.....Now is different: With bipolar (unmedicated) OR After bipolar (medicated)...I am not a teacher due to not having coping skills w/ bipolar and I screamed at a principal. I had classroom skills but other weak areas, I suppose.
I have now been one year into social service work and like it. Just not sure. I am taking my time, not sure if going to community college for second degree is for me. I want to study occupational therapy, just uncertain if I can do it or if I fall on my face. again, like teaching.

Thank you all for reading and responding...it is indeed needed, & appreciated.
:sad:

 

[LoveBeing]

That’s really good to hear, TLA

I’m impressed by your list of things that this episode has taught you - you are a great learner - that’s a skill many people may be lack of!

I encourage you to go to community college for second degree. At least you would know you have given yourself a chance and tried? You’d feel more lifted up when you do something you really love…

You can be an inspiration and help to many people here and in your life…

hugs :hug: and :pinkrose:

 

[Acy]

TLA, that's wonderful news! I am happy for you! :stars: And you've taken so many positive things away from the experience - congratulations!

Can you do your community college part time? A few courses instead of a heavy course load? As you get used to the requirements of the program, you might be able to add more courses in the following semesters. Perhaps this is something to discuss with a program counsellor before applying? Many places make accommodations to help people with special needs - you won't know if you don't ask, anyway.

I think that you would bring real insight to the position of occupational therapist. Would it be overwhelming? Have you considered talking to a few OTs to get "information"? They will be able to tell you what it was like. Possible questions: "What school did you attend? How were the courses? Were they practical or theoretical? How much time did your studies take each week? What aspect of your job is the best for you and why? What is the worst for you and why? Now that you are working, what is a typical day like? How many clients do you see at one time? How many appointments do you have each week? What is the paper work like - and how much of your average week is spent on paperwork?" Etc. People usually love to talk about themselves in "informational" interviews...just make it absolutely clear you want info from them at this point, not a job.

Things are less likely to overwhelm us if we know what to expect. I hope you give the informational interviewing a try.

And again, congrats on the discussion with your current boss! :hug:

 

[TLA]

I would be aiming for the Certified OT Assistant (COTA), not the full program for Occupational Therapist.

The program is a strict 2 years, including summers. I have yet to talk to a college person, but have to this by Nov. for classes I need one prerequiste before starting the program. I have to write an essay first and be accepted.
Much to do!!
We also must visit, do sort of clincial experience before we start to know we are sure in the right place. I am verrrryyy nervous at this point. I have much more studying, researching to do. I will indeed use some of your questions for the visiting practical OT at work, if I can find any that will allow me to observe.

The class I need is Anatomy & Phisiology (spelling oops). I have a bachelor degree, but is in teaching and need a career that is in demand, and medical areas are always needed. So I try!!
I feel good about the choices, just nervous about school again at a late 40's age. I never dreamed of retunring to school at this point in my life. woa.


Thanks for your support Acy, Love Being, Joe and all of SF. I am so blessed that you are here for us all who need you.

I called my local hotline, went to the psy. emergency center and called many "warm lines" to talk and found NO ONE. I posted and got support immediately at SF!!!!! TY for being here.

 

[Acy]

just nervous about school again at a late 40's age.

Just want you to know that I did it. I'm sure you'll be just fine!

 

[LoveBeing]

Thank you for being you, TLA - your living itself is great teaching and help to many…

Re your “nervous about school again at a late 40's age”, I’m with Acy - “you’ll be just fine!” In fact, I feel you may even have some fun doing it as you know exactly what you want to do and what you need to do…with your experiences, maturity, etc…

With best wishes to you and your family…and hugs :hug: