Life Begins at 40........Oh Really?

SinisterKid

We either find a way, or make one.
SF Supporter
#1
Its a saying we have all heard before. I am sure some ijit came up with it to try and make themselves feel better about turning 40. Not that 40 is a bad number in terms of years, its not, but it sure as hell aint all its cracked up to be in certain circles.

My teens and early 20's came and went in somewhat of a blur, no doubt fuelled by certain illegal substances and a fair amount of liquid refreshment. Late 20's and most of my 30's were spent being fit, active and healthy. Everything was easy, life was good. Turning 40 was a milestone somewhere over the horizon.

Being 40 s0mething is not anything I spent my time considering. I just was, like so many before and after me. Its just a number, much like any other.

But there are subtle changes that only reflection can often reveal. If you have passed that point, you maybe know what I mean. If you have yet to reach that stage, well, you might understand where I am coming from at some time in the future.

In my early 40's, the wheels came off in a major way. Sudden illness meant big changes to my life and my outlook. Things that I and many of us take for granted were no longer a given. The mental health suffered badly as I went into my late 40's. My life was certainly not beginning, it was on the verge of ending! If my physical health had been ok, would my mental health also have been fine? Well I have learnt that the two are very closely connected, working with a good OT and head doc has revealed that much.

Turning 50 meant nothing to me whatsoever. Its a number, end of.

Nowadays, when anyone asks my age, I really have to think hard before answering because I am not sure. My mind says I am 30 something, my body says I am 70 something.

My ethos has certainly changed since I became 50 though, After a series of events, I now live for today and tomorrow only, not one second beyond that, because in my 40's, I learnt the futility of making plans. Life can change for better or worse in a heartbeat and in the short term, ie, today and tomorrow, we have some control, beyond that, it really is just a roll of the dice and we just have to accept that and move on. Life is fickle, so try and live each day as though it could be your last, glean everything you can from it, good, bad and damned ugly. If it is to be your last, for whatever the reason, then make it count, dont wait until you are 50 something before you reach such conclusions.

I have been to my own personal hell and am trying to come back, if you read this, hopefully something within will strike a chord and maybe, just maybe, enable you to get that extra ounce [old school] out of tomorrow.
 

Dawn

Well-Known Member
#2
Loved reading that and so true. I got a tumor in my head at 33 it is benign, but causes excruciating pain. It is on my Trigeminal Nerve and caused Trigeminal Neuralgia. It is actually also named the suicide disease. Physical and mental definitely connected, that is when the depression started getting bad. Anyway, I thought the tumor would kill me and feels like it is, but isn't. But now 47 and have medical problems that actually are. U are so right about all u said and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#4
40 was when I hit the first speed bump and realized I'd better start slowing down a little.
Life can change for better or worse in a heartbeat and in the short term, ie, today and tomorrow, we have some control, beyond that, it really is just a roll of the dice and we just have to accept that and move on.
Couldn't agree more. My only long term goal is to have a nice day.
 

Dawn

Well-Known Member
#5
Sorry, think I went off topic quite a bit. Anyway, moving all that to "my story" forum.

But more on the topic , to me the hardest part is all the damn regrets! If only we could have the wisdom we have acquired and be young! I would do so much differently.
 

SinisterKid

We either find a way, or make one.
SF Supporter
#6
Sorry, think I went off topic quite a bit. Anyway, moving all that to "my story" forum.

But more on the topic , to me the hardest part is all the damn regrets! If only we could have the wisdom we have acquired and be young! I would do so much differently.
Regrets, I have a few,
But then again,
Too few to mention.

I don't bother with regrets, I cant change anything that's gone, but I can change what is to come, that's the choices I have to make, no matter how good or bad they turn out to be.
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
#8
I read your post with great interest. Can relate. I text from my phone, but I do have many feelings about how I like to jokingly say, "knocking on 50's door". I find it scary. I'm unprepared and don't feel equal to my peers. I have thoughts of negativity and just summing up my life..i know I'm not alone. I'm single and when not feeling low think maybe there is a hope and try not to lose hope.
 
#9
I just reached 50. It hit me. I have made no lasting relationships working to make it in the land of opportunities. I understood I have nothing to live for. I would love to experience closeness and understanding, something I have never had. My face is constantly changing due to surgical procedures. I am embarrassed to say how old I am. I meet someone and they believe I am in my 30's. Yes, it is vein to have the pleasure to hear it, but I know I cannot make any plans with the person. If I say the truth, I will be alone. It is a vicious circle. Loneliness and feeling useless are consuming me. I can't see hope like some do. Every day I feel my life is over, so why not end it. And the irony is that maybe a few people will remember me for a week. Then nothing.
 
#11
I am inching my way to being closer to 50, and I have realised that I am poorer (in all senses) now than when I was in my 30's. In my 30's I rented my own flat, had a good job, was studying for a supplementary job which I enjoyed, had friends irl with a social life, travelled and even had a boyfriend.
Now, I still earn the same as I did then, had to move back in with my parents, no boyfriend, no kids, no friends irl, not travelled since 2014. God it's depressing - but who know what would have happened if I had got married, had kids etc...? Right now, I can't even bear the thought of sharing my bathroom with anyone - and don't even get me started on having to share a kitchen with 3 other people lol
 

FFurry

SF Supporter
#12
Now, I still earn the same as I did then, had to move back in with my parents, no boyfriend, no kids, no friends irl, not travelled since 2014. God it's depressing - but who know what would have happened if I had got married, had kids etc...? Right now, I can't even bear the thought of sharing my bathroom with anyone - and don't even get me started on having to share a kitchen with 3 other people lol
I'm in the same boat, and also wondering those things. Family, kids, etc., and a "normal" life were all expectations in my family, but the years went by and here we are. Often it seems I'm in some alternate timeline.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#14
I really worried and got very anxious about turning 40. 50 and 60 didn't bother me. I also got disabled in my 40s. I look at life as a big crap shoot. i'm lucky I have a great wife and 3 great kids. I get worse every year physically and suffer depression etc, mostly because of health. all I can do is squeeze as much happiness as I can now. as we age things get worse but we can also have a good life if we try. turning 70? if I live that long it may freak me out a little.
 

Sunday16

SF Supporter
#18
@BraveFace and @FFurry we are not alone! Gosh you just summed up my situation and hearing someone else is the same boat, well I don't know if it makes me feel better or more sad. I refuse to live with my parents, it would be the end of me if I did, so I spend more than I should on rent and scrape together enough to pay bills and feed myself, with little left over for anything else. I have a couple of "friends" but no one I truly think I could count on if I was in need. It's hard facing 50 alone and wondering if I will be able to continue to support myself as the years become shorter, the money becomes harder to stretch, and the future becomes more uncertain.
 

FFurry

SF Supporter
#19
@BraveFace and @FFurry we are not alone! Gosh you just summed up my situation and hearing someone else is the same boat, well I don't know if it makes me feel better or more sad.
It definitely helps to know about others in the same boat, even if it's a boat none of us want to be in.

Unfortunately, if one of us ever manages to get out of the boat, we may not even look back. Will we remember all the others still stuck in it? I guess some do, choosing to devote their lives to helping others even after getting well.

Often I think those in the boat should get together and help one another -- as with support groups, but maybe even as part of a community, pooling resources and living well (or as best as possible, given the situation). I don't know whether there's anything like that out there, but it seems as though we're largely alone and on our own, despite being in the same place.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#20
It definitely helps to know about others in the same boat, even if it's a boat none of us want to be in.

Unfortunately, if one of us ever manages to get out of the boat, we may not even look back. Will we remember all the others still stuck in it? I guess some do, choosing to devote their lives to helping others even after getting well.

Often I think those in the boat should get together and help one another -- as with support groups, but maybe even as part of a community, pooling resources and living well (or as best as possible, given the situation). I don't know whether there's anything like that out there, but it seems as though we're largely alone and on our own, despite being in the same place.
we are not alone in this boat of being over 40 I passed that milestone a couple of decades ago, ouch ! some of us are married or alone some of us have financial problems some do ok, some of us have health issues others are fine, and of course most of suffer some sort of mental health problem like depression bipolar etc. but it doesn't matter we are all here. and we can support each other right here. just a thought. mike
 

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