Life has made me nihilistic

[Beindaz]

There is so much background to this post that it would fill a book, but that isn't important now. Nothing seems important now. Between personal life events and events in the greater world I find myself in a dark, nihilistic, and hopeless place. Evil wins, every thing heads towards decay and corruption, and trying to do good only leads to suffering.

In this darkness well meaning people typically try to suggest finding hope in something, or pleasure in something, or desire, or any sort of reason to live, but where I am at there are none of those. My only hope and desire at this point is to die. The future looks terribly bleak and all continuing to live will do is make me live through even more pain and suffering. I had hopes and dreams when I was younger and I even accomplished many of them, but at the end of the day, none of them provided happiness or satisfaction. None of them provided anything to live for in the face of the bleak nightmare that is the future.

I desperately want to die and have for over two decades, but because of my faith I cannot seem bring myself to commit suicide. I keep hoping to get a fatal illness or have a heart attack or get in some fatal accident. Every day is misery and I am trapped until God lets me die.

 

[1964dodge]

There is so much background to this post that it would fill a book, but that isn't important now. Nothing seems important now. Between personal life events and events in the greater world I find myself in a dark, nihilistic, and hopeless place. Evil wins, every thing heads towards decay and corruption, and trying to do good only leads to suffering.

In this darkness well meaning people typically try to suggest finding hope in something, or pleasure in something, or desire, or any sort of reason to live, but where I am at there are none of those. My only hope and desire at this point is to die. The future looks terribly bleak and all continuing to live will do is make me live through even more pain and suffering. I had hopes and dreams when I was younger and I even accomplished many of them, but at the end of the day, none of them provided happiness or satisfaction. None of them provided anything to live for in the face of the bleak nightmare that is the future.

I desperately want to die and have for over two decades, but because of my faith I cannot seem bring myself to commit suicide. I keep hoping to get a fatal illness or have a heart attack or get in some fatal accident. Every day is misery and I am trapped until God lets me die.

i have a list of why i can't commit suicide. of course my wife, my kids are on the list but #1 top of the list is god. i think in some cases he would understand but most cases no. even if we don't go to hell we will get a reprimand, but the worst will be we let god down

mike.....

 

[may71]

I'm sorry things are so bad Beindaz.

There is so much background to this post that it would fill a book

You're welcome to post more about anything you'd like, even if it would be a long post. Sometimes people will go over the post length limit and make multiple posts.

Evil wins, every thing heads towards decay and corruption, and trying to do good only leads to suffering.

I think at worst that's only partially true.

I hope you'll say more about anything you'd like to.

 

[Cali22♡]

I'm sorry for your story it must have been really hard for you

If you're interested in what I'm saying:
My suicide is no longer about if I do it but when I have no idea what to do....


Take care
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