2016 has been a huge fucking emotional rollercoaster. I was always afraid to be happy because every single moment of happiness was always the calm before the storm.
It all started in January: college finals were coming up and I was studying hard as hell to pass all the classes with flying colours. I fucking failed ALL the exams and I had to go to the second phase in February, albeit in vain, because I still failed. In that same month, my two closest friends started dating, and although I was really happy for them, a week after I started to realize how my love life is absolutely nonexistent, how much of a fuckup I am with chicks and how lonely I've always been...
In March the new semester started and I wasn't really motivated to do anything. I couldn't walk in public without feeling a huge urge to cry, I had no reason to get out of bed in the morning, I went to class and paid almost no attention because my mind was too focused on the absolute failure I came to be. I continually repressed this, most people could not see or understand what was going on because my extroverted, happy exterior showed otherwise. One weekend (19th of March, I will never forget it) I went out at night with my friends to try and forget the clusterfuck my life became. I thought that drinking would help me forget the fuckup that I've always been, so I did it, I drank like a fucking fish; terrible decision because it only made shit worse: I had a huge emotional breakdown and was lucky enough not to slip into a coma because of the absurd quantity of alcohol I ingested. I still have no fucking idea how I didn't kill myself at that point...
Well, in April things sorted themselves out, my grades were considerably better than they ever were. I also met a girl whom I started dating in May, but she was a bitch who couldn't forget her ex and things went downhill after two months. It was wonderful because I didn't need to be a confident alpha male to get a girl, I got her to like me just by being myself, with all my perks, I didn't need to fake confidence or adhere to a certain Since then, I've been pretty happy, with a few moments when I broke down in tears because I felt lonely as fuck.
But now that this semester started I realized that I'm not fit to study anymore. I get decent grades but I need to study a lot and I can no longer retain information like I used to. I'm tired of being in school, I think it's time to get a job and not study anymore. Worst of all? I still have another year to go... I don't know what I'm gonna do and I don't want to end up like the March clusterfuck. Other thing that fucks me up is that I'm still a huge loser when it comes to girls. If I get a job, I won't be able to go out as much and the chances of getting a girlfriend will rapidly approach zero. And I don't plan to live after 30 if this happens...
It all started in January: college finals were coming up and I was studying hard as hell to pass all the classes with flying colours. I fucking failed ALL the exams and I had to go to the second phase in February, albeit in vain, because I still failed. In that same month, my two closest friends started dating, and although I was really happy for them, a week after I started to realize how my love life is absolutely nonexistent, how much of a fuckup I am with chicks and how lonely I've always been...
In March the new semester started and I wasn't really motivated to do anything. I couldn't walk in public without feeling a huge urge to cry, I had no reason to get out of bed in the morning, I went to class and paid almost no attention because my mind was too focused on the absolute failure I came to be. I continually repressed this, most people could not see or understand what was going on because my extroverted, happy exterior showed otherwise. One weekend (19th of March, I will never forget it) I went out at night with my friends to try and forget the clusterfuck my life became. I thought that drinking would help me forget the fuckup that I've always been, so I did it, I drank like a fucking fish; terrible decision because it only made shit worse: I had a huge emotional breakdown and was lucky enough not to slip into a coma because of the absurd quantity of alcohol I ingested. I still have no fucking idea how I didn't kill myself at that point...
Well, in April things sorted themselves out, my grades were considerably better than they ever were. I also met a girl whom I started dating in May, but she was a bitch who couldn't forget her ex and things went downhill after two months. It was wonderful because I didn't need to be a confident alpha male to get a girl, I got her to like me just by being myself, with all my perks, I didn't need to fake confidence or adhere to a certain Since then, I've been pretty happy, with a few moments when I broke down in tears because I felt lonely as fuck.
But now that this semester started I realized that I'm not fit to study anymore. I get decent grades but I need to study a lot and I can no longer retain information like I used to. I'm tired of being in school, I think it's time to get a job and not study anymore. Worst of all? I still have another year to go... I don't know what I'm gonna do and I don't want to end up like the March clusterfuck. Other thing that fucks me up is that I'm still a huge loser when it comes to girls. If I get a job, I won't be able to go out as much and the chances of getting a girlfriend will rapidly approach zero. And I don't plan to live after 30 if this happens...
