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Loneliness is literally killing me...
- Thread starter painfully
- Start date
Its not an impulse. Im destroyed cause Im alone
Its not just about this girl... Although it part it is... Its about the condemnation to loneliness again... No future, no maybes, no nothing. Just sure 100% pure torture...
Is it so hard to want me... To want my company, my care, my affection... Myself...
It seems so... Cause nobody wants it...
I need so much, SO MUCH for somebody to be there... But nobody isnt ever there...
Im all alone... All my life... Completely alone..
Every day is agony... This loneliness is torture...
Its not just about this girl... Although it part it is... Its about the condemnation to loneliness again... No future, no maybes, no nothing. Just sure 100% pure torture...
Is it so hard to want me... To want my company, my care, my affection... Myself...
It seems so... Cause nobody wants it...
I need so much, SO MUCH for somebody to be there... But nobody isnt ever there...
Im all alone... All my life... Completely alone..
Every day is agony... This loneliness is torture...
Im so tired of everything... Sometimes I came across a post from some girl in reddit, and it interests me... And think of messaging her. And I check her post history and at some point it always says "my boyfriend..."...
Every single one...
And this girl that rejected me is still affecting me so much, cause I liked her a lot...
Nobody wants me...
Im so tired...
Every single one...
And this girl that rejected me is still affecting me so much, cause I liked her a lot...
Nobody wants me...
Im so tired...
another stuff that this pain took away... i got an interview opportunity for a job that would pay 50.000€ ayear and currently i get paid 40.000€ a year... i would really need it and would make my life easier to get a home and get away from the shithole where i live... but i cannot take it... the job i have currently demands little of me and i dont have to think much and have a lot of free time. that job, i dont know anything about how it would be, you cannot really know that in the interview, and there is a thing i lack, so maybe they wouldnt hire me or wouldnt be 50k but less, so in reality maybe im not losing anything... but its the first i have been even remotely close from that quantity, which is a high amount in spain, where homes are very expensive...
i feel like shit for saying no to the interview... but i cant really do anything... i barely have strength to live and thinking of killing myself and i have everything ready to try at any moment... im a pathetic loser, in all of its senses... with needing affection, being needy... and also with all job related, and everything...
i feel like shit for saying no to the interview... but i cant really do anything... i barely have strength to live and thinking of killing myself and i have everything ready to try at any moment... im a pathetic loser, in all of its senses... with needing affection, being needy... and also with all job related, and everything...
Yes, I know, but it would also put me nearer a home... Or maybe I would be so stressed that I would kill myself... Either way, its a win win... I also have a shit car...
Also today it came back something from work that I thought was forgot... I said I have to write construction technical essays so that they get graded and my company can win the bid and execute the project (and get paid for it)... I was very stressed in the past cause I used to get low grading... I had no guide or anything, and when they respond to assess and give you an explanation of why you get that grading, its usually very generic, and I cannot see what other companies presented either, so its hard to improve and im in my own. Also every case is unique and they ask different things, so I always try to adapt to what they ask.
I started using ChatGPT and it really helped to write a lot of bullshit, which is what they like, and I get much better gradings now... Thing is, I thought this was forgotten and whatever grades I earned would be ok, even if they werent perfect (athough sometimes I get 10/10, but most of the times its 7-8/10). The final grading is a combination of the price my company gives (I dont decide this) and my essays...
There was one contract in particular that we lost cause the price wasnt low enough by far, so even with a perfect essay we couldnt have won... But I got 14 points of 17... And now my boss (the super boss, not my direct one) is asking for explanations and wants to know exactly why...
I thought this was behind me, that the stress of being graded. And the stress was from myself, for thinking I was failing... But now, its my boss who is pushing.... And it really stresses me...
Also today it came back something from work that I thought was forgot... I said I have to write construction technical essays so that they get graded and my company can win the bid and execute the project (and get paid for it)... I was very stressed in the past cause I used to get low grading... I had no guide or anything, and when they respond to assess and give you an explanation of why you get that grading, its usually very generic, and I cannot see what other companies presented either, so its hard to improve and im in my own. Also every case is unique and they ask different things, so I always try to adapt to what they ask.
I started using ChatGPT and it really helped to write a lot of bullshit, which is what they like, and I get much better gradings now... Thing is, I thought this was forgotten and whatever grades I earned would be ok, even if they werent perfect (athough sometimes I get 10/10, but most of the times its 7-8/10). The final grading is a combination of the price my company gives (I dont decide this) and my essays...
There was one contract in particular that we lost cause the price wasnt low enough by far, so even with a perfect essay we couldnt have won... But I got 14 points of 17... And now my boss (the super boss, not my direct one) is asking for explanations and wants to know exactly why...
I thought this was behind me, that the stress of being graded. And the stress was from myself, for thinking I was failing... But now, its my boss who is pushing.... And it really stresses me...
My friend, that's not what I was saying. What you may perceive as weakness, I was actually saying it was a strength. I am also not saying that if you were different it would be better. I'm saying you're already best the way you are. I was saying that in you I see faith, strength, courage, loyalty, confidence, etc.
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Not only 14 out of 17, but the breakdown was like this:
- Budget proposal 58,76 out of 60 (out of my hands)
- Request 1: mostly yes or no thing, but required explanation. 10 out 10
- Construction memory/budget: 5 out of 5
- Quality control: 14 out of 17 (I checked the explanation and it lacked a budget for this which WAS NOT MENTIONED)
- Company is ISO complaint: 0 out of 3 (out of my hands)
We ended in 7th place, but even if I got 17 out of 17, we would have ended at 5th place... And even if it was ISO compliant (which will never be), we would have ended at 3rd place due to the budget... Yet for some reason, my boss is focusing only in the 3 points I didnt get...
- Budget proposal 58,76 out of 60 (out of my hands)
- Request 1: mostly yes or no thing, but required explanation. 10 out 10
- Construction memory/budget: 5 out of 5
- Quality control: 14 out of 17 (I checked the explanation and it lacked a budget for this which WAS NOT MENTIONED)
- Company is ISO complaint: 0 out of 3 (out of my hands)
We ended in 7th place, but even if I got 17 out of 17, we would have ended at 5th place... And even if it was ISO compliant (which will never be), we would have ended at 3rd place due to the budget... Yet for some reason, my boss is focusing only in the 3 points I didnt get...