I lost it yesterday.... I can't control myself... I Start laughing, making angry, disappointed, happy, sad, and so on noises without reason... Or for the people around me it makes no reason.. For me it makes perfect reason... For me.. I laugh of my past and my now, I laugh because I am worthless, I laugh of all the irony... I find my hell very funny.. I am the joker in the card stock, I am a clown.. A clown, People laugh of my pain, and so do I!
I feel like holding a performance all the time.. Or not performance, more like telling them what I feel, laughing, serious talk, and so on.. telling them about my Ironic and pathetic personal hell and thoughts..
I want to kill myself... I want to die... I am going to die... If it'll be now or in sixty years I dunno... But I really feel like dying... Now...
I need help... I need to talk to someone face to face or phone... I dunno why, but I need to say it out from my mouth... But everyone.... leaves... I'm not good enough! HAH! THEY are too good for ME!!
...
Well, that makes no sense....
But thats it...
Everyone leaves.... always...
No one stays..
They all tell me that I'm important to them, and they stay forever..
But I'm not enough..
and then they ditch me...
they all do...
Hahahaha!!! Someone hate me I know!!
I know that some higher creature in the sky or whatever is laughing of me!
Why the hell do EVERYTHING just get worse!?
I NEED SOMETHING POSITIVE!!!!!!
I NEED IT!!!
NOW!!!
ANYTHING!!!!
But it never comes....
I've told myself this for some time now...
I need something that never comes...
I really need it....
And I am fading away....
I feel like holding a performance all the time.. Or not performance, more like telling them what I feel, laughing, serious talk, and so on.. telling them about my Ironic and pathetic personal hell and thoughts..
I want to kill myself... I want to die... I am going to die... If it'll be now or in sixty years I dunno... But I really feel like dying... Now...
I need help... I need to talk to someone face to face or phone... I dunno why, but I need to say it out from my mouth... But everyone.... leaves... I'm not good enough! HAH! THEY are too good for ME!!
...
Well, that makes no sense....
But thats it...
Everyone leaves.... always...
No one stays..
They all tell me that I'm important to them, and they stay forever..
But I'm not enough..
and then they ditch me...
they all do...
Hahahaha!!! Someone hate me I know!!
I know that some higher creature in the sky or whatever is laughing of me!
Why the hell do EVERYTHING just get worse!?
I NEED SOMETHING POSITIVE!!!!!!
I NEED IT!!!
NOW!!!
ANYTHING!!!!
But it never comes....
I've told myself this for some time now...
I need something that never comes...
I really need it....
And I am fading away....