I have been diagnosed with Major Depression. I been prescribed three different types of medication. The first medication was horrible. It was prozac and it made me feel even worse. I had a swollen face and I felt even more suicidal. I was taken off that medication and put on risperdal which is an antipsychotic medication. This medication made me feel even worse. I was falling asleep during the day and I couldn't even concentrate on anything. I went back to the doctor and my medication was changed. Eventually I was changed to a mood stabilizer and another antipsychotic abilify. I was doing well on the medication but then I noticed that my gums were always bleeding. I started getting worried because every time I brushed I was choking on blood . I decided to stop all the medication and see how I would be without it. I didn't tell my doctor I just decided I had enough of all these pills. It's been two months and I'm completely off all the medication. My mind is much better. I am able to concentrate and I don't fall asleep in the day time. When I was on the medication I felt like a zombie. My problem now is I can't go asleep at night. My mind races and doesn't shut down. I haven't been to the doctor. I been dealing with the insomnia alone. I still suffer from the depression. Some days I wish I was dead. My kids are the only reason I get up. Even now I do think I shouldn't be here. I think my kids would be better off without me. I can't seem to motivate myself to do anything. I suffer from anxiety and I like to hide myself away from the world.
I am feeling lonely and trapped in a cycle of everyday loneliness. My depression never leaves me. I get into very dark spaces that I can't get out. I'm having trouble with every day activities when I become depressed. I have no energy or motivation to do anything. My problem is my daughter is watching me and she is starting to make comments about my behaviours. She doesn't understand why I don't have energy. How do I explain to an 11 year old that I have depression. I also have a 9 year old girl. She doesn't ask questions. My illness has caused my family so many problems. I feel my depression is affecting my girls lives. They don't need to be around a broken mother who can't function properly. I have a husband too and he knows that I have suffered a lot and he supports me in the house. My oldest girl disrespects me now and she been answering me back a lot and making me feel worse. I try to be nice to her and do as much as I can to make her comfortable. How do I win her over and get her to understand that I am trying hard not to let the depression affect her life too. I talked to my husband about my daughter and he says that we both need to understand each other and then we will be able to get along. I feel I am losing my daughters respect and that she views me as a worthless mother. She always says to me to leave her alone. She never talks to me or my husband and she has been spending a lot of time in her room. What do I do to get her to start respecting me.Some days I don't have the energy to fight with her. I end up giving in. I don't want to have depression and I wish I was stronger and know how to be a better mother. The depression has taken away my easy personality and left me like a shell. I feel my life is a mess and has robbed me of a normal existence. Every single day is a struggle for me. Im currently unable to work because I know I don't have the confidence to seek employment outside the home. I have told mental health services that I need help and I was supposed to get help but I never received any help.
What do I do. How can I continue to keep living the way I do. I have no hope no goals for the future. I can only deal with one day at a time. I'm a survivor of an abusive relationship and I was lucky to be alive. I think a lot of my depression has stemed from what happened to me. Before the abuse I was different. I can't change my past but I want to get help and I don't want to be depressed. I hate my daughters experiencing a broken mother. They notice everything and my parenting is going to affect them for the rest of their lives. Any advice would be helpful. I live in Ireland and I attend community mental health.. I went down the pill route and I have seen a therapist too.. I feel i am not getting enough support from mental health and other services available are too far away since I live in a rural area. I see the psychristist every 3 months. I'm going to sign off . I know my life is a complete mess. I never thought my life would end up this way. I dreamed of a normal life with good health. Unfortunately everything has turned out wrong. I feel a failure. My kids don't have a good role model. That is the worst part of life not being a good mother. They can't be proud of a broken mother who can't do anything. I feel worthless and defeated. I feel they deserve better. That's why I want to die because I have lost hope. I'm afraid to kill myself and leave my girls. I think about them too. Im stuck in this reality and nothing changes..
I am feeling lonely and trapped in a cycle of everyday loneliness. My depression never leaves me. I get into very dark spaces that I can't get out. I'm having trouble with every day activities when I become depressed. I have no energy or motivation to do anything. My problem is my daughter is watching me and she is starting to make comments about my behaviours. She doesn't understand why I don't have energy. How do I explain to an 11 year old that I have depression. I also have a 9 year old girl. She doesn't ask questions. My illness has caused my family so many problems. I feel my depression is affecting my girls lives. They don't need to be around a broken mother who can't function properly. I have a husband too and he knows that I have suffered a lot and he supports me in the house. My oldest girl disrespects me now and she been answering me back a lot and making me feel worse. I try to be nice to her and do as much as I can to make her comfortable. How do I win her over and get her to understand that I am trying hard not to let the depression affect her life too. I talked to my husband about my daughter and he says that we both need to understand each other and then we will be able to get along. I feel I am losing my daughters respect and that she views me as a worthless mother. She always says to me to leave her alone. She never talks to me or my husband and she has been spending a lot of time in her room. What do I do to get her to start respecting me.Some days I don't have the energy to fight with her. I end up giving in. I don't want to have depression and I wish I was stronger and know how to be a better mother. The depression has taken away my easy personality and left me like a shell. I feel my life is a mess and has robbed me of a normal existence. Every single day is a struggle for me. Im currently unable to work because I know I don't have the confidence to seek employment outside the home. I have told mental health services that I need help and I was supposed to get help but I never received any help.
What do I do. How can I continue to keep living the way I do. I have no hope no goals for the future. I can only deal with one day at a time. I'm a survivor of an abusive relationship and I was lucky to be alive. I think a lot of my depression has stemed from what happened to me. Before the abuse I was different. I can't change my past but I want to get help and I don't want to be depressed. I hate my daughters experiencing a broken mother. They notice everything and my parenting is going to affect them for the rest of their lives. Any advice would be helpful. I live in Ireland and I attend community mental health.. I went down the pill route and I have seen a therapist too.. I feel i am not getting enough support from mental health and other services available are too far away since I live in a rural area. I see the psychristist every 3 months. I'm going to sign off . I know my life is a complete mess. I never thought my life would end up this way. I dreamed of a normal life with good health. Unfortunately everything has turned out wrong. I feel a failure. My kids don't have a good role model. That is the worst part of life not being a good mother. They can't be proud of a broken mother who can't do anything. I feel worthless and defeated. I feel they deserve better. That's why I want to die because I have lost hope. I'm afraid to kill myself and leave my girls. I think about them too. Im stuck in this reality and nothing changes..