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maybe I'm depressed?

I had a bit of an epiphany this AM when I woke up. for like the fourth time and i knew that i wasn't going to be going back to sleep because my body had had enough. i was immediately, almost habitually now, annoyed at having lost the last part of my holiday weekend, so i started to peer into 'why' again. it occurred to me that - on looking at the outside - i might be depressed, given that i have little motivation for anything, good bad or indifferent and spend a lot of time either asleep or napping. i realized that i like that state because nothing ever happens with lasting consequences. and frankly suicide seems like a way to make that stick. go to sleep. stay asleep. no more hassles. i mean figuring out this next bit just makes me want to go back to sleep, but its the first time i ever thought about going through the door with <mod edit - method> - just seems, i dunno, nicer? than arranging other means. like it's not hard to come up with ways to die with stuff that's readily available, but they usually require enough anger? drive? to want to push back and put the pieces together.

anyway, that's all. severe anhedonia and zero motivation (outside of keeping a roof over my head - which problem disappears if I do) and some level of dread (not as hot as fear) that something wil, inevitably, go deeply wrong if i actually engage

is this being depressed?
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Hi Thay,
Welcome to SF. I am sorry you are feeling so bad. You found a good place to talk, share, be real & be accepted.
Low motivation, excessive sleeping, sadness, hopelessness can be symptoms of depression. Have you ever sought treatment?
I think it’s possible to push the pieces back together. It is never perfect, but i like to believe feeling whole is possible.
Again, I am Glad you found sf. Keep talking, it can make a difference- for the better. I look forward to getting to know you better.

What is Epiphany @Thay003 I just googled. It says Divine appearance of Jesus. Is that what you're experiencing?.. Anyhow..how are u feeling now?..
Well an epiphany is a revelatory moment. Christian writers and those in Christian cultures tend to associate it specifically with Jesus, but that's not the only use.


how I'm feeling? meh. annoyed with moderation, but whatevs. how's your own self?

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