Me

[RCee]

Been waking up every morning in tears I’m crying tears are rolling down my face, yet, I don’t know why. I feel sad deep sad depression. And I just woke up.
Been this way now for a week or so , I dunno . Takes an hour so get thru it.
Not my normal I hate mornings thing
That’s different

I was thinking about it
Am I just that depressed to be waking up again to just wake up
Am I depressed and crying I’m still here.

To my core, I couldn’t even if I tried tell you what I have to be sad about
There is my normal shit I go thru but
But this

I get a calmness
Not sure if that my brain trying to help itself or if it’s just the eye of the storm and I need to watch myself .

Is this something maybe .... I wish I had died.
Living “thru death”

My analytical side keeps kicking in and saying
Is this from you not talking and going thru emotions what happened in March

Not being able to put a name to it
And pushing everything back so I don’t have to think about it
Maybe it’s creeping it’s way back to the front pages.


I don’t even know if that makes sense sometimes I can’t even make sense of my ramblings. But
I need to get this one out
People are noticing a change
And keep saying I’m off I’m off I’m not acting myself

I don’t see it
Or maybe I don’t want to see it!
I don’t know
I truly don’t know about this one guys

And it’s me sober rcee talking here so , yeah.
Does any of this sound fixable. My brain is having a hard time trusting itself right now, and I keep thinking toward oh fuck it mode

(Shaking head)

I dunno y’all I just don’t know these days

Am I dragging my own self down ...this much?

 

[may71]

Does any of this sound fixable

I think it could be fixed. There aren't guarantees, but I think if you try some different treatment methods, you may eventually find one or several that work.

 

[RCee]

Always room for trying I spose

 

[1964dodge]

Been waking up every morning in tears I’m crying tears are rolling down my face, yet, I don’t know why. I feel sad deep sad depression. And I just woke up.
Been this way now for a week or so , I dunno . Takes an hour so get thru it.
Not my normal I hate mornings thing
That’s different

I was thinking about it
Am I just that depressed to be waking up again to just wake up
Am I depressed and crying I’m still here.

To my core, I couldn’t even if I tried tell you what I have to be sad about
There is my normal shit I go thru but
But this

I get a calmness
Not sure if that my brain trying to help itself or if it’s just the eye of the storm and I need to watch myself .

Is this something maybe .... I wish I had died.
Living “thru death”

My analytical side keeps kicking in and saying
Is this from you not talking and going thru emotions what happened in March

Not being able to put a name to it
And pushing everything back so I don’t have to think about it
Maybe it’s creeping it’s way back to the front pages.


I don’t even know if that makes sense sometimes I can’t even make sense of my ramblings. But
I need to get this one out
People are noticing a change
And keep saying I’m off I’m off I’m not acting myself

I don’t see it
Or maybe I don’t want to see it!
I don’t know
I truly don’t know about this one guys

And it’s me sober rcee talking here so , yeah.
Does any of this sound fixable. My brain is having a hard time trusting itself right now, and I keep thinking toward oh fuck it mode

(Shaking head)

I dunno y’all I just don’t know these days

Am I dragging my own self down ...this much?

 

[may71]

Sending hugs

 

[Road to Nowhere]

Been waking up every morning in tears I’m crying tears are rolling down my face, yet, I don’t know why. I feel sad deep sad depression. And I just woke up.
Been this way now for a week or so , I dunno . Takes an hour so get thru it.
Not my normal I hate mornings thing
That’s different

I was thinking about it
Am I just that depressed to be waking up again to just wake up
Am I depressed and crying I’m still here.

To my core, I couldn’t even if I tried tell you what I have to be sad about
There is my normal shit I go thru but
But this

I get a calmness
Not sure if that my brain trying to help itself or if it’s just the eye of the storm and I need to watch myself .

Is this something maybe .... I wish I had died.
Living “thru death”

My analytical side keeps kicking in and saying
Is this from you not talking and going thru emotions what happened in March

Not being able to put a name to it
And pushing everything back so I don’t have to think about it
Maybe it’s creeping it’s way back to the front pages.


I don’t even know if that makes sense sometimes I can’t even make sense of my ramblings. But
I need to get this one out
People are noticing a change
And keep saying I’m off I’m off I’m not acting myself

I don’t see it
Or maybe I don’t want to see it!
I don’t know
I truly don’t know about this one guys

And it’s me sober rcee talking here so , yeah.
Does any of this sound fixable. My brain is having a hard time trusting itself right now, and I keep thinking toward oh fuck it mode

(Shaking head)

I dunno y’all I just don’t know these days

Am I dragging my own self down ...this much?

RCee sending hugs, we're always here for you and you have our support. Stay strong keep fighting and don't give up. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[MisterBGone]

Been waking up every morning in tears I’m crying tears are rolling down my face, yet, I don’t know why. I feel sad deep sad depression. And I just woke up.
Been this way now for a week or so , I dunno . Takes an hour so get thru it.
Not my normal I hate mornings thing
That’s different

I was thinking about it
Am I just that depressed to be waking up again to just wake up
Am I depressed and crying I’m still here.

To my core, I couldn’t even if I tried tell you what I have to be sad about
There is my normal shit I go thru but
But this

I get a calmness
Not sure if that my brain trying to help itself or if it’s just the eye of the storm and I need to watch myself .

Is this something maybe .... I wish I had died.
Living “thru death”

My analytical side keeps kicking in and saying
Is this from you not talking and going thru emotions what happened in March

Not being able to put a name to it
And pushing everything back so I don’t have to think about it
Maybe it’s creeping it’s way back to the front pages.


I don’t even know if that makes sense sometimes I can’t even make sense of my ramblings. But
I need to get this one out
People are noticing a change
And keep saying I’m off I’m off I’m not acting myself

I don’t see it
Or maybe I don’t want to see it!
I don’t know
I truly don’t know about this one guys

And it’s me sober rcee talking here so , yeah.
Does any of this sound fixable. My brain is having a hard time trusting itself right now, and I keep thinking toward oh fuck it mode

(Shaking head)

I dunno y’all I just don’t know these days

Am I dragging my own self down ...this much?

Yes, it is very, very fixable! I don’t know your history with things like meds & therapy - but, with the right therapist (or even a semi-decent one); the healing process can begin almost at once. It isn’t easy, especially when there is trauma involved — or anything heavy, really, especially such, or so that it makes you get to this “breaking point,” of sorts... I always compare it to physical therapy, in a way. Be used it isn’t “fun,” but then again, what good ever comes easy in life? And also, when damage has been done - it only stands to reason that it will not be “easy as pie,” to solve or soften, repair or fix. : ) wishing you well ~ also, if you’ve tried therapy without much success in the past, unless you’re just dead set against it in theory, or based on principle: that sort of thing, it can make a very great difference if you find someone you can “click,” with - or work well with (from a chemistry, standpoint..) & this does not necessarily mean “like,” by the way. You really don’t want a “friendly,” relationship with your therapist (nor should they - you).

 

[MisterBGone]

Be used = because!

 

[RCee]

Thank you all


Just need encouragement I suppose ......at times...... even if I have tried things before or what not . Without your thoughts opinions encouragement etcetra, etcetra.....my negativeness just knows no bounds and I sit and stew to the point I shut everything everyone out and close my ears off.

🤗.

 

[may71]

Thank you all

You're welcome!

More hugs

 

[1964dodge]

Thank you all


Just need encouragement I suppose ......at times...... even if I have tried things before or what not . Without your thoughts opinions encouragement etcetra, etcetra.....my negativeness just knows no bounds and I sit and stew to the point I shut everything everyone out and close my ears off.

🤗.

i do understand that sometimes you feel buried in a deep pit, and you want everyone to leave you alone, mostly so you don't bother or trigger them. but you are there for others no matter how it'll make you feel. please reach out to one of your many friends when you're struggling. and i would be happy to talk to you if you want to use my inbox...mike....

 

[RCee]

Why do I let my family effect me like this. Why do I even care !
I always know better than to answer my family back and every time I give in I go thru this emotional rollercoaster because I take what they have to say by heart and I somewhat care about them they take advantage of every bit of my soul I’m such a sucker

 

[may71]

Sorry that this happened RCee

Do you feel like saying what happened?

Hugs

 

[1964dodge]

Why do I let my family effect me like this. Why do I even care !
I always know better than to answer my family back and every time I give in I go thru this emotional rollercoaster because I take what they have to say by heart and I somewhat care about them they take advantage of every bit of my soul I’m such a sucker

you should start setting up boundries, even with family.....mike....

 

[dandelions]

just a caring ❤️ because i don’t know what i could say

 

[RCee]

I have been keeping my head above water. But ...”AND” (I can hear my English teacher now saying “Never start a sentence with “but” that’s a negative! It cancels out everything after the word!

 

[RCee]

I been ok ! .... I have been feeling worthless lately and as I say this for reasons I can’t explain *rcee just raised her head towards me , the universe ,

 

[RCee]

These days I am feeling okay despite my sui idea....z...

 

[RCee]

Thank you all for letting this thread be my Safe space. I feel I can say whatever here and than just be me in chat or even real life , y’all let me be me thanks

 

[may71]

Hugs