October 22nd, 2004 was the hardest day of my life. That is the day I let my beautiful daughter be at peace. She was four. I talked to many doctors and got as many opinions as i could but in the end the decision to take her off life support fell on me. Although, i miss her and was told she would only be in pain and nothing more this choice i made still haunts me. As the day comes closer its getting harder and harder not to beat myself up. i would like to think that it would get easier but it isnt and the pain is starting to get to me. i made the choice that i did hoping to ease her pain and although i stand behind my decision i am beating myself up over it so much right now. She was only four and didnt get the chance to grow up. i miss all the things that i could have done with her and all the things i missed out on. as this day approaches it tears me up inside. did i make the right choice only God knows that answer. I feel like i was selfish and what if things would have improved. i took her life away and i still dont know how to come to peace with this. i miss her so much and miss her in the deepest parts of my soul. she has a beautiful little sister and although its getting easier to talk to her about her sister the questions are still heart breaking. my living daughter asked me today, if i was forced to make that choice with her would i make that same choice. she is also asking alot more questions about her sister and has even put pictures up that i had put away. this is the hardest year because my youngest is now at that age where she has questions and wants to know. i try to keep her spirit alive and celebrate her life but am finding it difficult to be at any form of peace with it. i just miss her so much and long to hold her in my arms