I get you. But I know I would feel like shit if someone I cared about died, it would be very painful, which is the reason why I wouldn't like for them to feel this way. I don't want people I love to suffer, because of me or anything else. I want them to be happy. Being missed and remembered as a good or important person satisfies me more than enough.
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Musings, ideas, what are you thinking about?
- Thread starter Gonz
- Start date
That's probably a hard one to call. Yes, in many cases people would want others to move on. But perhaps in the back of the mind is the thought that if they weren't to move on, then that would give some validity to that relationship?
Maybe being able to move on but at the same time keeping hold and treasuring those memories that were made together would be more of a acceptable compromise.
Personally, once I'm gone, I'm gone. End off. Move forward and get on with your life, but if at any point in the future should I be remembered, hopefully it'll be half-decent at least.
Maybe being able to move on but at the same time keeping hold and treasuring those memories that were made together would be more of a acceptable compromise.
Personally, once I'm gone, I'm gone. End off. Move forward and get on with your life, but if at any point in the future should I be remembered, hopefully it'll be half-decent at least.
And you're a sweetheart for that. I'm not sure if it's my disorder making me feel the opposite way or what, but I just know that if I was merely remembered every now and then and the person was otherwise happy without me, it's kind of like, "Well, why did you want me in your life in the first place then if you're okay with me being gone?" I realize it sounds totally selfish of me and I wouldn't actually TELL my husband that I'd rather he feel like shit, but it's the case when I think about it. And if he died, I would definitely break and probably never be okay again. So I guess I expect the same in return.
For while it lasted, then yes, at least I hope it was worth it. But, I don't know, to expect them to stop the clocks, stop the time whether that is a healthy way to go. Everryone's different, of course and for some, they are unable to move forward. For others, after time, yeah they can in one way or the other. Perhaps, as I've already mentioned, as long as they remember, then hopefully that maintains the sense that it was worth it.
I think a part of it may be due to the disorder, I have heard that before ^^ I see it more like I was in this person's life for a while, I made them happy in some way, maybe I taught them things, etc. And that's what I want them to remember, what I brought to them, even if it had an end - which is only a tiny part of the relationship. Of course it was worth it. It was worth it not because it brought me pain, it was worth it because it brought me happiness.
Which doesn't mean I wouldn't prefer if the person was still here with me. This is the theory, in practice I would miss them and honestly, still be devastated. But if I left, I want the person to move on, to be happy that they knew me, not to cry whenever they think of me. And if they have to think of me every second of their lives, I want that to bring them a form of serenity at least, a smile, and strength.
Which doesn't mean I wouldn't prefer if the person was still here with me. This is the theory, in practice I would miss them and honestly, still be devastated. But if I left, I want the person to move on, to be happy that they knew me, not to cry whenever they think of me. And if they have to think of me every second of their lives, I want that to bring them a form of serenity at least, a smile, and strength.
That's the thing, @Aurelia . To me it doesn't mean you are just remembered from time to time and you meant nothing. The number of times you are remembered doesn't really matter. But if you are remembered for the amazing things you brought to this person, if they couldn't be a luckier person alive to have met you, I think it means a lot and is very gratifying. And so very worth it. 
That's the thing, @Aurelia . To me it doesn't mean you are just remembered from time to time and you meant nothing. The number of times you are remembered doesn't really matter. But if you are remembered for the amazing things you brought to this person, if they couldn't be a luckier person alive to have met you, I think it means a lot and is very gratifying. And so very worth it.
It doesn't mean you move on that you don't love the person anymore or are not loyal to them. I also don't think it means "more love". It is a choice, that I respect and admire, but the alternative can mean the same for me. Because I'm pretty sure that the person would want me to be happy. Realizing their wish is more important to me, personally. Also, by moving on I don't necessarily mean "find someone else". I only mean this remembering thing.
I don't see it as the same, personally. I've seen many people talking about moving on after having lost a partner. They say something like, "Yeah, I still love them, but..." There's always a but.
And every time someone's told Gonz he should move on, to take off his wedding ring, to get out there and meet other women, he's like, "No, I can't. I won't".
It's not the same kind of love in my mind. Not at all.
And every time someone's told Gonz he should move on, to take off his wedding ring, to get out there and meet other women, he's like, "No, I can't. I won't".
It's not the same kind of love in my mind. Not at all.