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Musings, ideas, what are you thinking about?

Auri

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I don't know if I have that much experience in the friend department to talk about friendly love. But romantic love, I have certain standards and beliefs about that are pretty firm.
There's not only romantic and friendly. It can be simply love without fitting a category, or defying all categories.
 

Aurelia

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There's not only romantic and friendly. It can be simply love without fitting a category, or defying all categories.
I see it as having categories, personally. What kind of love is it if it doesn't fit a category? And by that I mean, love for what or whom?
 

GFS

Well-Known Member
It is natural for every being (human or animal) to have in its deepest core the instinct and the will to live, prosper and even predominate. And we all want to achieve something special, to have something special, to live something special.
We want to be important and significant and really matter and ideally the most important, significant person ever.

Hence the desire of being remembered, deeply loved and very missed and maybe even "adored".
I believe that when people were polytheist the adoration and worship they presented to Gods was actually their strong wish to be God. To defeat and defy every natural law. Especially the laws of death and forgetfulness (hence the creation of the idea of the limbo, the worst fear of humans).

And when we're in our dark hours we want to erase every bit of our existence so we wouldn't been remembered as a failure. Better not being remembered at all, right?

But both of those feelings are very extreme.
 

Aurelia

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And when we're in our dark hours we want to erase every bit of our existence so we wouldn't been remembered as a failure. Better not being remembered at all, right?

But both of those feelings are very extreme.
I disagree with this part. If people didn't want to be remembered, generally speaking, they wouldn't write books, poetry, music, make art, construct buildings and monuments, etc. People are afraid to die because they fear the unknown and because they want their lives to have meant something, to leave some kind of legacy behind.
 

GFS

Well-Known Member
I disagree with this part. If people didn't want to be remembered, generally speaking, they wouldn't write books, poetry, music, make art, construct buildings and monuments, etc. People are afraid to die because they fear the unknown and because they want their lives to have meant something, to leave some kind of legacy behind.
Maybe you misunderstood me or I am missing something.

As I said people want to be remembered (I edited my post, adding something I forgot, sorry I do that sometimes) and yeah they want to achieve something special and give their existence a special meaning.
What I meant is when they think they have failed big time on that they want to destroy everything they created.

Artists also burned their books when in their dark hours.
 

Aurelia

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SF Supporter
Maybe you misunderstood me or I am missing something.

As I said people want to be remembered (I edited my post, adding something I forgot, sorry I do that sometimes) and yeah they want to achieve something special and give their existence a special meaning.
What I meant is when they think they have failed big time on that they want to destroy everything they created.

Artists also burned their books when in their dark hours.
Okay, I probably misunderstood you it seems. I agree with that.
 

Auri

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I see it as having categories, personally. What kind of love is it if it doesn't fit a category? And by that I mean, love for what or whom?
Well, the feeling is the same as the one you have for your husband. I mean, it doesn't have to feel the exact same way for every person you love, because everyone is unique, but romantic or friendly, these are the ways you choose to show your love for a person, to categorize them in a way. For example, I don't know... you live with someone, you do everything together like a traditional romantic couple, but you never kiss/get physically intimate. Or you act like a romantic couple, but you don't live together and don't see each other every day... Or you act like very close friends and love each other very intensely. They are just choices and you get to choose what is best for you. If you feel the other person's love only if you live together, that's fine, but it doesn't have to be that way for it to be intense true love.

Yeah, but what would they do with their life afterward?
Make their own choices, that doesn't really matter to me. They can choose to stay alone, they can choose to live with another person, they choose to change their life completely, whatever. Their love can stay the same. I'm not a fan of the concept of proving love. Love is the combination of plenty of emotions and feelings, it's a concept.
 
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Aurelia

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I'm not a fan of the concept of proving love. It is the combination of plenty of emotions and feelings, it's a concept.
I was about to say the opposite, that I would only call those types of relationships love depending on what they're willing to do for one another. Like I said, I have certain beliefs and standards about love that I'm pretty firm on, so to me, love would mean that that person is willing to die for me, that there's mutual trust, loyalty, and dedication.
 

Aurelia

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Reason I don't really feel equipped to talk about friendship though is because I tend to confuse friendship and romance a lot because I have pretty much the same standards for friends as I do romantic partners. So the two kind of blend for me sometimes and so I have ended up falling for people I had considered just friends at first.
 

Auri

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I was about to say the opposite, that I would only call those types of relationships love depending on what they're willing to do for one another. Like I said, I have certain beliefs and standards about love that I'm pretty firm on, so to me, love would mean that that person is willing to die for me, that there's mutual trust, loyalty, and dedication.
I agree with everything you wrote here, you know ^^ But being willing to do something, doesn't mean I actually want the person to do these things. I don't want anyone to die for me. But when I love someone, I can honestly say I would die for them.
I think it's hard for me to explain what I mean by "proving love" and why I don't like it. But it doesn't really matter :p It's overly romantic.
 

Aurelia

🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
I agree with everything you wrote here, you know ^^ But being willing to do something, doesn't mean I actually want the person to do these things. I don't want anyone to die for me. But when I love someone, I can honestly say I would die for them.
I think it's hard for me to explain what I mean by "proving love" and why I don't like it. But it doesn't really matter :p It's overly romantic.
I feel the same way about that. I wouldn't want them to actually die for me either. But I would still want them to want to if that makes sense lol.
 

Auri

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Reason I don't really feel equipped to talk about friendship though is because I tend to confuse friendship and romance a lot because I have pretty much the same standards for friends as I do romantic partners. So the two kind of blend for me sometimes and so I have ended up falling for people I had considered just friends at first.
In my own life, they are the same (because of all reasons I have already talked about :p). According to society's definitions they are both romantic, or both friendships, I'm not sure, but they are the same. The love I have for them is the way it is, that is independent from how I call them.
 

Aurelia

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SF Supporter
In my own life, they are the same (because of all reasons I have already talked about :p). According to society's definitions they are both romantic, or both friendships, I'm not sure, but they are the same. The love I have for them is the way it is, that is independent from how I call them.
So do you think you'd be able to separate that kind of love from romantic love at all if you did end up being with someone?
 

Auri

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I feel the same way about that. I wouldn't want them to actually die for me either. But I would still want them to want to if that makes sense lol.
It does make sense ^^

So do you think you'd be able to separate that kind of love from romantic love at all if you did end up being with someone?
That's the question for a billion dollars ;) My answer is not clear or definite.

I think I do, but I'm not sure I can tell you what would make the difference then. According to everything I said, I shouldn't be able to separate them, which is why I believe that if I end up with someone, it will be more of a choice to satisfy certain social standards, which would not mean that my love would be any less true. It's just not my way of showing this love.
 

Auri

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So do you think you'd be able to separate that kind of love from romantic love at all if you did end up being with someone?
If I had it all figured out for my personal case, it would have prevented me from many mistakes in the past. Because I also have other personal issues about this topic than simply how I view love being an unconventional point of view ;) But you already know that.
 

Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
Blah blah, pretend I’m quoting someone and responding to that.

Something I’ve heard a lot is that Jessica wouldn’t want me to hurt so much. And yes, this is obviously true. Switch our positions, and I would hate the thought of her having to feel the way I do.

But

My feelings toward her mean that “her absence” and “my happiness” are entirely incompatible concepts. That’s just how it is, and there’s no getting around it. And I know that the same was true for her. And the fact that she felt the same means literally everything to me.

So if someone were to ask me “Wouldn’t you want her to move on and be happy?” they’d really be asking me two questions:

Do you want her to hurt?

and

Do you want your own feelings to go unreciprocated?

The answer to both questions is a resounding “NO.” But we don’t get to have things both ways.
 

Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
Reason I don't really feel equipped to talk about friendship though is because I tend to confuse friendship and romance a lot because I have pretty much the same standards for friends as I do romantic partners. So the two kind of blend for me sometimes and so I have ended up falling for people I had considered just friends at first.
I get this too. I know I’ve mentioned it 10,000 times before, but Jessica was my closest friend for years before we got together romantically.
 

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