My anger

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LostInMyDaydreams, Feb 26, 2016.

  1. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    My anger is like a firecracker, I'm so sarcastic and bitter towards everyone. I talk so abruptly and quick to people when I'm angry. If I'm angry....watch out! The littlest thing will get under my skin, sounds, music blaring up loud, people complaining about things, I hear people laugh and than I think to myself how my life is so horrible. I was abused so much in my life. Anytime someone asks me if I'm okay, I said "Yeah. I'm fine. I couldn't be any happier. Life is just fantastic." Someone actually believed everything that I was saying and this made me so angry, I was being sarcastic towards them. When I'm angry, I smirk, make smart allec remarks, so full of hate. When I'm angry, I'm so done with people. I seriously don't care anymore about people, it's like another person has taken over my body. The sweet side to me has vanished. I'm so tired of this anger! I'm so tired of it! It wears me down. The whole time I talk I smirk, laugh and act so aloof and cold. Than eventually I'll explode. This anger is destroying my life. I'm so scared that I'm going to lose people in my life cause of this. Anytime I'm angry now I just look at them and I warn them..."I'm very angry right now... and I'm probably not going to act like a nice person." Once they ask me what's wrong, I talk about everything, I vent about how everyone has ever wronged me in my life, bullied me, I bring out past abuse and how I'm so tired of being ignored by people. How I find it hard trusting some people cause so many people in my life have abused me. I have no idea what's wrong with me. My therapist see's that I suffer with low self esteem cause I say sorry so much. I literally apologize for everything. If you've seen me in the chat room, I've more than likely have gotten angry at someone and ended up crying and saying sorry afterwards...all cause I'm so tired of being judged, rejection, people not liking me or fearing that people will make fun of me. Once I feel like people don't like me or I'm being ignored, I get angry and that's just no way to be. I'm so tired of this. I'm so stupid!! I wish this anger could simply fade away cause it's destroying my life!!! My self confidence is so low at this point....I'm so sick of this! All I want is to be happy! :( Someone said I'm a sociopath, there's just no way. I have so much empathy for people. I only act like this when I'm angry and it only happens when people judge me, pick on people or ignore me... I do a lot for people and lots of people take advantage of my kindness. I'm sick of it!
     
  2. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    this is just my opinion and I could be wrong, so, dont get angry... It seems like you are using anger as a barrier to stop yourself from hurting as much. You are sarcastic and respond to "how are you" that way because of your self esteem and dont want to open up because you think it will hurt. only, when u do tell people how you are feeling and they ask whats wrong you are able to tell them truly how you feel by venting. maybe this is too much emotion building up inside you and you finally need to release it, but you can do it in different ways. so next time someone asks how you are dont be sarcastic or lie, instead try saying "not having the best day" and see how it goes. if you dont say it how it is then you cant expect the person to take you for anything but serious anyway. if you say you are doing good, people arent going to question that and ive found being sarcastic or lying (yeah, i do the same thing), people still dont pick up on it. i think you are hard on yourself - way too much. I was in chat earlier today and you came across as kind and nice to talk to. What you were apologising for was unecessary and I think you let yourself feel like people are upset / ignoring you when its not true. this and the anger are both hard things to work on and require different approaches. i dont have much advice as im currently dealing with both, but i wanted to let you know i understand and im sorry for how you're feeling. for the anger, try (and this is going to be extremely hard) to let things go, just let them pass. its going to piss you off more but you can learn to control it. dont be sarcastic or say smart remarks. say them in your head instead and try and take and interest and understand (i know) their point of view. you dont have to agree with it and you certainly dont have to accept it. curse away at them in your head if you want, but doing this and letting things go will help lessen your anger over time and make you realise that these little things arent worth bothering over. for the other thing, try being more confident in what you say and dont apologise as much. you have a voice and you have the right to be heard. try not to worry too much about what people think of what you are saying. i know that is hard, but try. you are going to say the wrong thing every now and again but thats something you can learn from. you're not stupid and you're not a sociopath. you're a nice person who has it rough, but keep fighting and you can get through this, you deserve to feel better and you are not a bad person like you make out, quite the opposite in fact.

    hope i didnt upset or make you angry from this. if i did, please let me know, and tell me what i said that made u feel like that.
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Being angry has a very heavy toll. It is , to me at least, absolutely exhausting. I have spent far too much time in the last years angry as well- at things that make no sense to be angry at- I get angry about my health for example- which is not even a person or something that is possible to be angry at. I also have spent a lot of time trying to learn to decompress from that angry feeling. While I have used it as a tool many times to actually prevent far worse and more dangerous feelings-If I get angry enough I would lose some of my suicidal urges in the past so it was healthier than that, and when I got angry enough it would spur me to action instead of just lying in bed and wallowing. But invariably comes a point where I have to bring it back into the realm of reasonable and away from the rage feeling.

    If you are able to find coping methods to real in the anger so that you can control it instead of letting it control you then anger can have some positives. It can protect you from pain, particularly unjustified pain, and it can help you get into action instead of just being an observer and provide strength and motivation to make changes. It can allow a reasonably safe and healthy outlet to extreme emotion if it can be controlled. Sometime when you are not already angry spend a few minutes reflecting on the last few really bad episodes of anger/rage and try to figure out what made them dissipate, what changed or what you were able to do to lose some. When it is just angry until exhaustion and sleep or tears overwhelm it is hard to control, but if you can figure out a few things that help change it, certain music, talking to particular people , writing, watching videos, whatever - then you have some coping techniques so you can start to learn to control it and avoid the extended energy draining episodes or make yourself able to calm when really needed to continue to function. Once you learn to control it and turn it off when you need to , life is a lot easier and has a lot more chances for happiness and less potential for self destructive actions.