~Kid at Heart~
My anger is like a firecracker, I'm so sarcastic and bitter towards everyone. I talk so abruptly and quick to people when I'm angry. If I'm angry....watch out! The littlest thing will get under my skin, sounds, music blaring up loud, people complaining about things, I hear people laugh and than I think to myself how my life is so horrible. I was abused so much in my life. Anytime someone asks me if I'm okay, I said "Yeah. I'm fine. I couldn't be any happier. Life is just fantastic." Someone actually believed everything that I was saying and this made me so angry, I was being sarcastic towards them. When I'm angry, I smirk, make smart allec remarks, so full of hate. When I'm angry, I'm so done with people. I seriously don't care anymore about people, it's like another person has taken over my body. The sweet side to me has vanished. I'm so tired of this anger! I'm so tired of it! It wears me down. The whole time I talk I smirk, laugh and act so aloof and cold. Than eventually I'll explode. This anger is destroying my life. I'm so scared that I'm going to lose people in my life cause of this. Anytime I'm angry now I just look at them and I warn them..."I'm very angry right now... and I'm probably not going to act like a nice person." Once they ask me what's wrong, I talk about everything, I vent about how everyone has ever wronged me in my life, bullied me, I bring out past abuse and how I'm so tired of being ignored by people. How I find it hard trusting some people cause so many people in my life have abused me. I have no idea what's wrong with me. My therapist see's that I suffer with low self esteem cause I say sorry so much. I literally apologize for everything. If you've seen me in the chat room, I've more than likely have gotten angry at someone and ended up crying and saying sorry afterwards...all cause I'm so tired of being judged, rejection, people not liking me or fearing that people will make fun of me. Once I feel like people don't like me or I'm being ignored, I get angry and that's just no way to be. I'm so tired of this. I'm so stupid!! I wish this anger could simply fade away cause it's destroying my life!!! My self confidence is so low at this point....I'm so sick of this! All I want is to be happy! Someone said I'm a sociopath, there's just no way. I have so much empathy for people. I only act like this when I'm angry and it only happens when people judge me, pick on people or ignore me... I do a lot for people and lots of people take advantage of my kindness. I'm sick of it!