...in January of this year. She was 25. I'm checking this site out, because I don't have personal experience with suicidal depression. The one and only time I had a suicidal thought I immediately hospitalized myself, because the thought was abrupt and scary. It's been 5 months and 6 days since she died. My dad was schizophrenic but very successful. For some reason he was able to manage his mental illness well in his lifetime, maybe he had a mild strain. Two of my sisters and one niece have suffered suicidal depression and attempts and eventually overcame these through medicine and therapy. I presumed that my daughter would overcome as well, as she told me that her last attempt really made her know that she wanted to live. That was with pills and she didn't tell me until more than a year afterward. This time she xxxxxxxx, and I believe she obsessed on this method for at least a year before hand because of the things her friends and lover told me. It's just so sad. I don't know what I'm doing here. Thanks for listening.:unsure:
My Daughter Died
- Thread starter MimiK
- Start date
Thanks for editing. I'm still mush brained, and I forget where I am sometimes. Today is one of the hardest day's I've had. It all came tumbling back in on me in the afternoon while I was looking after my little 9 month old grandnephew. Been in a nasty sad funk ever since. I'm dreading her birthday in 6 weeks.
Thanks. I know intellectually that she died of untreated mental illness, but my heart says I should have known, and asks "why?" constantly when I'm in these moods. I'm having days in a stretch now when I feel somewhat my old self. Not exactly, more like a shadow. But not tortured. This afternoon and evening though I feel tortured.
Thank you. I would love to report that guy, but I don't know who he is. I just know that she felt so betrayed and wouldn't discuss treatment. Now I know that she was in the denial of help phase for at least a week before she actually died. Maybe longer. I asked her if I could send her to treatment and she said she couldn't afford to lose her job. And I asked her to move home for a few months to get feeling better, but she said that would make her feel even more depressed. It's just a really sad day for me. Tomorrow will probably be better. Peace to everyone here.
s*
I'm very sorry to hear what happened your daughter. Such a loss is always tragic, especially as she was so young at only 25 and that it was through suicide. I'm sure you may have felt angry at some points during the grieving period (which you may still be going through). I am sorry to say I don't have any words of great comfort to share, either, but I'm just letting you know that this happened my old friends mum/my neighbour around Christmas, so I understand why it is so hard to deal with.
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Im so sorry for your daughter, for her decisions, for your emptiness that you must be feeling. I couldnt emagine loosing a child and wont even try to say that I know what your going through. My heart hurts for you, anytime you want to chat or vent, my box is always open.
Please take care of you. Hugs
Please take care of you. Hugs
Thanks everyone. I appreciate your words of comfort. I actually do not feel angry, just very sad. My dad was schizophrenic, so I understand that mental illness is sometimes terminal. My personal insight is that when a person gets suicidal thoughts, the very first ones, that there is something wrong with the body and it affects the mind. I don't see depression as different from autism or tourettes or a brain injury. And I don't see suicide as any different that when an animal is mortally ill or wounded and goes off by itself to die. I truly believe that there is a part of the human brain that switches on when the chemicals make it too painful to live. Keep in mind I'm not suicidal, and have only had one flash of ideation that scared me so much I went to the hospital immediately and stayed for almost three weeks until the doctors could assure me that I wasn't a danger to myself or my children. I saw my dad suffer demoralizing times of sickness throughout my entire life, and my daughter was living with - in order of appearance in her life - IBS, SIADH, OCD, MDD, possible Ankylosing Spondylitis (she hadn't been dx'd yet), and possible progression to BiPolar. She was also extremely competetive, spoke several languages, was gentle, kind, rowdy when drunk, 145+ IQ, beautiful, and wrote the most beautiful music. It doesn't seem fair that one woman should have to house every wonderful thing and every terrible attribute her family had to offer. I'm going to a NAMI board meeting tomorrow. Maybe I can be of some use to someone there. Goodnight.
It does not seem fair...as it is not fair that you are going through this as well...please know, although many of us do not understand nor can imagine what you are going through, we do know pain and the value of support and comfort...as many have said in this thread, my PM box is open as well...sending big hugs in cyber and wish it could be in RL..J
Hi MimiK, I sympathize with you on the loss of your beautiful intelligent daughter. I too lost my baby daughter a month ago to suicide. She was 15 years of age. She had no signs of depression. She always appeared a happy child. It is nice to talk to someone who is feeling the same loss as me. Take care of yourself.. Hugs