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My father is gone...Just please, no more "I'm sorry's".

Aurelia

πŸ”ΆπŸ”Έβœ΄ πŸ‘‘ βœ΄πŸ”ΈπŸ”Ά
#1
I never got the chance to tell him I loved him any time recently before he died. That's the part that really kills me. I loved him so much, and I wished at some points that I could have been there, with him, instead of with my c*nt mother, who probably doesn't even give a shit all that much. Please, no one tell me that they're sorry or offer condolences. I reckon I'll be getting a lot more of those to anyone I tell that to for the rest of my life and become sick of hearing them. I can't even attend the funeral because he's an ocean apart from me. But someday I'll still visit his grave. I just hoped that when I did finally become financially stable enough to visit, he'd still be alive. I thought I had more time. I have no family left to whom I truly matter.
 

Gonz

πŸ‘«β€οΈπŸ™‚πŸ’ŠπŸš‘πŸ’€πŸ’”πŸ˜₯
#3
Listen to me, I sound like a selfish bitch. Half of my sentences begin with "I". Fuck "I". I just hope that he knew that I did love him very much, even though I should have said it a lot more often.
I get the feeling most people know exactly how you feel about them, good or bad. So you probably shouldn’t worry too much on that account.
 

Aurelia

πŸ”ΆπŸ”Έβœ΄ πŸ‘‘ βœ΄πŸ”ΈπŸ”Ά
#4
I get the feeling most people know exactly how you feel about them, good or bad. So you probably shouldn’t worry too much on that account.
I'm not sure, since we haven't spoken in a few years. And I don't even really remember the last thing I said to him. It was probably an I love you, but I don't even know for sure. I just didn't want to overwhelm him talking about myself and possibly worsen his health and make him worry about me. There was never anything good to say about my life. But now it seems that perhaps anything would have been better than nothing.
 

Gonz

πŸ‘«β€οΈπŸ™‚πŸ’ŠπŸš‘πŸ’€πŸ’”πŸ˜₯
#5
I'm not sure, since we haven't spoken in a few years. And I don't even really remember the last thing I said to him. It was probably an I love you, but I don't even know for sure. I just didn't want to overwhelm him talking about myself and possibly worsen his health and make him worry about me. There was never anything good to say about my life. But now it seems that perhaps anything would have been better than nothing.
Maybe so. But a couple quiet years don’t define a decades-long relationship. And grief is bad enough without the ”I should haves.” You loved him, and your intentions were good. He must have loved you, and been as good to you as he could despite the distance. Focus on that, because what else really matters at this point?
 

Gonz

πŸ‘«β€οΈπŸ™‚πŸ’ŠπŸš‘πŸ’€πŸ’”πŸ˜₯
#6
Sorry, I’m not trying to talk you out of feeling bad, because that’d be really obnoxious. Just don’t want you to feel guilty too, because it’s a really common feeling after someone dies and it’s almost always wrong.
 

Aurelia

πŸ”ΆπŸ”Έβœ΄ πŸ‘‘ βœ΄πŸ”ΈπŸ”Ά
#7
Sorry, I’m not trying to talk you out of feeling bad, because that’d be really obnoxious. Just don’t want you to feel guilty too, because it’s a really common feeling after someone dies and it’s almost always wrong.
And when it's not wrong, then what?
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#9
As someone who lost their father this year with whom I had an estranged relationship at times and also the last of my family...I just wanted to let you know that I can relate to what you are saying. *hug
 
#10
It's unfortunate that you didn't get the chance to talk to him recently before he died. It sounds like you told him that you loved him many times though, and that's something that he probably remembered. While it's good to be able to remind the people that you love that you love them, there's a world of difference between having told him at least once and having never told him at all. You have that at least, that you told him at least once.
 

Nick

β˜†β˜†Still Ducking Fantastic β˜†β˜†
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#15
That's hard T. I think sometimes about when my dad dies and how that's going to go (morbid I know). Regrets are the hardest. You know you can't do anything about it, but that doesn't change how you feel in the moment. If you just want to vent, you know where my inbox is. I won't give you a bunch of platitudes, probably not a lot of answers either, but at least a place to just say what you're thinking.
 

Inanimate

Well-Known Member
#17
Hi, T.

When you mentioned your father to me within the last year or so, you gave me the impression that he was decent man, and that you loved him. In fact, you said it explicitly and without any encouragement on my part. Regardless of however many iterations of β€œI love you” you gave him within whatever time frame, he was lucky to have had you in his life and to have been loved by you (and vice versa).
 

Harmony

Well-Known Member
SF Supporter
#18
Doesn't sound like either one of you were too involved in each other's lives, that would suck more trust me. An added benefit, you didn't have to walk in on him dead either and live with that vision forever.
 

justrob

Keep on keeping on.
#19
Listen to me, I sound like a selfish bitch. Half of my sentences begin with "I". Fuck "I". I just hope that he knew that I did love him very much, even though I should have said it a lot more often.
You are not selfish. You are grieving. It sucks and it takes time to grieve. Part of the greiving process is to express your feelings. I'm glad you are doing that here, in a safe place and people who care. You loved him a lot. From what you and others have said you told them, it sounds like he knew you loved him.
 

Aurelia

πŸ”ΆπŸ”Έβœ΄ πŸ‘‘ βœ΄πŸ”ΈπŸ”Ά
#20
Hi, T.

When you mentioned your father to me within the last year or so, you gave me the impression that he was decent man, and that you loved him. In fact, you said it explicitly and without any encouragement on my part. Regardless of however many iterations of β€œI love you” you gave him within whatever time frame, he was lucky to have had you in his life and to have been loved by you (and vice versa).
Thanks, M. I miss you, by the way.
 

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