My fiance

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by introuble, Jan 2, 2013.

  1. introuble

    introuble Member

    My fiance passed away almost 4 months ago. We met and fell instantly in love and were together for 2 years before he left. I try to not think about it but hes everywhere in my home. ( he moved in with me) People tell me to move on, get over it, hes gone your not so stop acting like you are, and more. My question is, how do I do this? Every waking moment is fearful and agony. My heart has been ripped out and now my depression actually turned into a suicide attempt. I dont know what to do or where to go. I know therapist are there for me but noone will ever understand how I feel.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i am so sorry hun for your loss. It is still so very early hun and you are still grieving NO you cannot just move on and the people that are saying this truly do not understand
    Hun therapist do understand they do as they themselves will have loss loved ones and know the dept of pain involved The will guide you through hun the sadness they will
    YOur fiance would want that for you hun to get support to heal hun do that ok You hun have to stay here to commemorate your fiance hun to keep his memory alive hun ok
    Please reach out hun and get some help for YOu hugs
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    introuble - I'm sorry that those around you are saying unhelpful things to you. You can't just "get over it" and similar. I lost a couple of people this year and I have an idea of the pain you are experiencing. Grief takes as long as it takes. There is no right and no wrong. And, like TE said, therapists will understand where you are coming from. So trust in them to help you through this.
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    introuble, I'm so sorry for your loss. That would be hard for anyone.

    Many people don't understand that grief doesn't follow a schedule or timetable - it takes however long it takes. Grief takes time to process and everyone does that at their own pace and in their own way. A therapist has his/her own life experiences plus special training to understand human emotions and can be someone you you might count on to listen and hear you out. Talking helps lots of people, and it might be worth a try for you.

    And of course, keep posting here. We are a kind and supportive group. Take care and stay safe.
  5. introuble

    introuble Member

    So after my attempt that had a counselor come in to talk to me at the hospital er and she asked me whats been going on to get where I am now. She said theres some kind of extreme grief counseling I could do...BUT ( yet again that word that always comes up) she said Im not strong enough to handle it right now. With that she told me to come to counseling and get help, that Im not a harm to myself. This was so funny to me, why did she think I was in the er on 24 hour watch? Why did she believe all the lies Im so good at? She believed the fake happy face and the fake im ok words.I know if I told her the truth they would have locked me up in the psych ward! ( A PLACE I WILL never go) I know I shouldnt have lied to her and I also know that if people would have minded their own business I wouldnt of had to worry about going to the er!!m sorry but some of these counselors are just a laugh and they really dont want to see the truth. And without money or insurance dont even waste their time!! I talk and I dont feel better...somehow I end up feeling worse and even more isolated and even more wanting to be left alone to do what I want. Im just so tired of all this, I really am.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hiyas and welcome. I am so very sorry for your loss :( I do think you need to be honest with the therapist? Why are you against going into the psych ward? To be honest, it's not a place that helps me very much but others have had great success with a trip to the psych ward. I know a lot of stigma is attached to psych wards and that is off putting. But it is a safe place if you are a danger to yourself..maybe something to think about? :hug:
  7. introuble

    introuble Member

    My problem is first... I dont need people watching my every move as if Im some kind of wild animal. Second i do not take meds although I need them I am sure. Sooner or later I feel you have to just deal with life and things in it. I cant even think straight without meds so I dont know how i would feel on them. I did take anti depressants once from my doc though, they gave me a headache and ended up allergic to them. I dont know for sure but I do know I dont need to have CRAZY listed on my medical records for all to see. Im not crazy only sickened with grief and depression.
  8. paulhewson

    paulhewson Well-Known Member

    Four months is not nearly enough time to get over this. You have a right to still be grieving. Don't follow anyone's so-called "timetable". I'm sure there are therapists out there that have had the same experience that you have. Give it a chance.