My first and maybe last post

[Kos]

Well I've started this thread and I guess I'll have to finish it now. First, I am Kos for those who I haven't met, and for those that know me I am a suicidal person. I'm not going to use this thread to try and explain what I'm going through, that would be hopeless. I will say that I'm a lost cause and this is something that would happen eventually anyways. I came here to SF to meet suicidal people like myself and to see if I could get advice on how I might be able to make my life better as I had run out of ideas. I talked with people, some of them tried to help and I'm sure they can help the average person here, but not me. I am now sure there is nothing I can do that would work out for me. I spend all my time thinking about everything but I, nor anyone else, can help me anymore, it's too late. Some of the people who I asked for help however did not even seem to try and give me help. They either didn't believe me or couldn't understand me, I'm not sure. But in my worst times, calling me stupid or silly, like this is all a big joke, did not help.

I didn't want to make this a long thread so I'll end by saying I'm going to try and make a suicide attempt soon. I'll still be around these forums over the next few days, but if you don't see me again past this Monday, if I suddenly disappear, you'll know what happened. I made this thread to say goodbye to the people I've met here, and it will also encourage me to go through with this as I do not want to fail my attempt and slink back here even more a failure than before.

I don't expect you to say anything, but post if you wish and say whatever you like. Try not making a long post though, you'll only be wasting your time. To those who understood and tried to help - thank you, but it turned out to be useless to try and help, and I hope you understand why I need to do this. I guess that's all I wanted to say here except goodbye and wish me luck.

 

[Scum]

Hi Kos,

I don't know you, but I can relate to an awful lot of what you said, ie the asking for help not getting it, stuff being hopeless, etc.

You said you don't want long replies, so I won't give you one, but I will say this.

You said

'I'm going to try and make a suicide attempt soon.'

You, thankfully, did not say, 'I am going to kill myself soon' which tells me that you are not 100% certain about dying, that something inside you still wants to live. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I will say this, think carefully, the option for suicide will always be there, but, the option for life, will not always be. Suicide is permanent, and unless you are 1000% sure, then you need to wait.

hmm, I want to say more, but you did not want long replies. Feel free to PM me though if you want to chat, I really can relate.

I hope you think about exactly what you want, is it help from an attempt? Someone to realise how awful you feel? The pain to end?

Good luck and take care

 

[ealdc]

Hi Kos,

I have to agree 100% with Scum. Re-read what she/he said, it's very important!

I have to thank you sooo much for giving us this chance to hopefully change your mind. It may or may not work, but the fact that you are giving those of us who know you and care the opportunity to say, what could be our last words to you, means an awful lot to me!

I'm sorry that you have come onto this site for help and got slammed in the face sometimes. What I noticed is that some people here do not suffer from depression and just don't understand. Please don't let those people make you do something so devastating and permanent.

It's really nice to meet you. Take care. xoxox

 

[struggling]

Dear Kos-I know these guys are right. Ive felt misunderstood so many times but believe me many of us here know only too well how lonely and scared you can feel when depression bites. You're probably sick of people saying that it will get better, and to persevere I know it winds me right up so I wont say it. Just make sure that any decision you make, you are making with your whole being and that there will be no regrets-its too late once you're dead and gone. Ive been to that dark place you are at and Ive tried to kill myself and failed and come back here, head bowed expecting to be called a failure or at least seen as one. You know what? however hard it is to accept, people were and will be genuinely pleased and excited that you're still ok because it gives us all a huge buzz to think that something we have said or done has given someone the chance to live. Im struggling too right now with so many desperate feelings but am holding on somehow and deep down am glad I am.
Whatever you decide, know that you are cared for and whatever happens you still will be :hug:

 

[Scum]

Can I just ask, have you ever had/Do you have professional help? Or has it just been limited to online forums?