My friend is considering suicide.

[Harpo]

She says she is depressive since her childhood. No goals in life, no hope, a few interests which don't mean much when things get real tough. I'm her only and close friend and it seems like I've prevented a few suicides already. It doesn't make me any happy though if she keeps struggling like that. I would even say that maybe she is better off dead if things are the same. She looks like a happy person when we are together and says that things would be much better if we lived somewhere near(We can't see each other often as we live in different countries), though she doesn't believe it would change her attitude towards life and herself. We have talked about things recently and I've convinced her she needs a treatment. She has been under treatment some years before already, as she says swallowing antidepressants made her feel nothing, which was even worse.

Is there a cure? Is there a way I can truly help her, and not just keep preventing her from killing herself? I'm worried about her much and don't want to lose her, but not sure if ready to give everything as there are other priorities.

I would be grateful to everyone who is willing to help me with their own experience.



P.S. She has low self esteem, self-harm, feels depression and helplessness, has difficulties falling asleep, mental problems. And as I've said before, no hope on future. She also hates her female body and says she must have been born as a male. Despite of liking female bodies more than males in general. The last one is curious to me as I don't understand it, and she can't explain either. Are here people like this? And is there an explanation why it happens and how.

 

[Rockclimbinggirl]

Welcome to the forum, it sounds like your friend might be struggling with gender/sexuality issues. Are there any LGBTQA resources near her?

 

[Were all together]

Hello Harpo,
Even though your friend is depressed. You also need to take care of yourself. You don't want her depression, affecting your thoughts. Especially, when you're dealing with a close friend or family member. I might also suggest letting your friend know about this forum. I believe people here can help her with what she is going through. There is also a thread specifically for LGBTQA. Keep in touch!

 

[Petal]

I would even say that maybe she is better off dead if things are the same.

Please do not think that or ever say that to her, it will never be true, her life is worth living because things can always change if you try hard enough, you don't know what the future may bring, neither does she. Don't get me wrong, you are an amazing friend to have and wow at maybe having prevented a few suicides, you sound like a really nice and sensible person but please don't ever think she is better off dead, hope is always there. Can you visit her soon, maybe make some changes and go forwards from there, I wish I had a friend that cared as much as you do. Best wishes, and urge her to seek professional help and advice asap, therapy can help her greatly as can different medications. Best wishes.

 

[Harpo]

Welcome to the forum, it sounds like your friend might be struggling with gender/sexuality issues. Are there any LGBTQA resources near her?

Hello, thank you for the answer. No, there are probably nothing. She hardly talks to anybody and as I know people are pretty close minded in the place where she lives

 

[Harpo]

Hello Harpo,
Even though your friend is depressed. You also need to take care of yourself. You don't want her depression, affecting your thoughts. Especially, when you're dealing with a close friend or family member. I might also suggest letting your friend know about this forum. I believe people here can help her with what she is going through. There is also a thread specifically for LGBTQA. Keep in touch!

Thank you! I will tell her about the forum, though I think she won't do anything. She beliefs her problems will never go away as some of them are connected to her sex.

 

[Harpo]

Please do not think that or ever say that to her, it will never be true, her life is worth living because things can always change if you try hard enough, you don't know what the future may bring, neither does she. Don't get me wrong, you are an amazing friend to have and wow at maybe having prevented a few suicides, you sound like a really nice and sensible person but please don't ever think she is better off dead, hope is always there. Can you visit her soon, maybe make some changes and go forwards from there, I wish I had a friend that cared as much as you do. Best wishes, and urge her to seek professional help and advice asap, therapy can help her greatly as can different medications. Best wishes.

Thank you for the answer! <3
I feel sorry for my thoughts, but this is what they are. I'm sure she sees how I struggle with her sometimes, so I better be honest. Yes, if things do change, if there is any possibility she feels better, than I'm happy. But I don't want her to live like that. A few weeks ago we were together in my country and she has been planning to kill herself when the time to say goodbye came. I've said things might change and we will try out something to fight off the depression. Some time after she said she regrets not killing herself and I've replied that yes, maybe you are better off dead if you keep struggling like that for the rest of your life, so instead we together will try to research the problem and find ways to solve it. I think it cheered her up a bit, so I don't regret anything.

The distance between us feels like a big problem as we live in different countries. When we are together in life I have much more impact on her, but when we talk in chats or calls and she feels bad... It's like I can talk, or rather hear her talking, but my words are nearly useless. And I guess being near with her could help me to encourage her, and do things together, keep her busy and leave her less time for bad thoughts. I would like to live with her, but if I do this I will have problems with government of my country, so I'm not sure if I'm ready for this step.

Another problem is that she has little hope on future, and it seems that she beliefs her depression will never go away. Any ideas on how I can encourage her more? Stories from other people or statistics? I would also want to find people who have the same body related problems as she does, someone who could understand her well.

 

[sinking_ship]

I don't know what country your friend is in, but there is a lifeline specifically for trans folks
https://www.translifeline.org

There are spots on this forum also specifically for LGBTQ people, so even if your friend doesn't feel comfortable participating, maybe they could read and hear similar stories and that would help.

I also like this blog - the author is a trans man and writes about that, as well as mental health issues in general. https://letsqueerthingsup.com/2018/...hen-youre-struggling-with-your-mental-health/

 

[Walker]

@sinking_ship That article is brilliant.