I can recommend to live in the present because who knows what the furture holds. Feeling shame from your family, have you asked them if you are a shame maybe you should talk to them about that instead of beating yourself up.
Being sad is no reason to kill yourself, we are all here as human beings no one life here on this planet is worth more than any other. Send a Pm or a chat to all of us here we all love you and I hope you will see that.
